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DeeP

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Babylon , NY

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Partner
  • Date of Death
    March 26,2021
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Na

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  1. That’s exactly how I feel. I know I can never bring myself to do anything. But it just sucks because you know as long as you remain alive, the pain is still there. So it’s like everyday is a little torturous. I am fighting it’s just my heart hurts everyday. I feel so lonely and I truly want to feel companionship again, and it just sucks
  2. ❤️❤️❤️. I come to you guys because I’m at a fork in the road here… unfortunately you guys are the only ones who can understand the pain of losing their best friend. Partner. I struggle everyday. N the people around me have no idea how weak and depressed I feel yet how HARD I fight everyday. To remain alive, I deal… but I can’t lie and say I don’t wanna just be with him in heaven. I feel so internally alone, and that’s what kills me the most. I don’t do drugs like that, I take xanex .. and Iv thought about just taking a whole bunch and saying f it but I also can’t bring myself to do that. I just hate this. . My life literally is not the same.
  3. Wow. Your story is touching. I’m sorry . It is very sad how people turn to drugs at times. I knew he wanted to do better, he just didn’t know how to cope and facing it head on was painful for him. I knew he was a alcoholic, but I just never would have thought he was doing coke. He also had a heart issue too. Makes me so mad. He was better than that. He pressed his luck. And left me alone.it’s selfish of me to want him back, and it’s a little selfish of me to want to be with him knowing I’d be leaving my family behind to. But this pain , losing my best friend.. everyday is a struggle for me. About your grandson I’m sorry to hear that too. In today’s world, being my age.. I see how people are just falling victim to all these things. And it’s sad.
  4. So true!!!!! Nobody I talk to truly gets it. Only unfortunately others who have lost their partner. And Altho me and Him argued a lot doesn’t mean there wasn’t true love involved. People try to tell me it prob wasn’t going to work out and I want to punch them. It doesn’t matter. Death is a permanent thing. They still all have their x’s alive they can reach out to if they wanted. I can’t. I can’t even say hi ever again.He meant so much to me. He was a giant part of my heart and me. And to be talking all morning like normal and then just poof he’s gone. Tragic and traumatic. And yeah it’s really hard to have to go through this young. I absolutely feel like Our time was cut short and it’s unfair. I question how I can move forward. My heart and soul yearns for him it hurts.
  5. Aww thank you. Yeah we dated a year, but kept talking the whole next year, so overall 2 years. :(. I miss my best friend deeply
  6. Hello. I have been on this site before. Im 28. I just lost my x bf 3 months ago unexpectedly to an overdose. I had no idea he was even doing drugs. So not only did I have the initial shock but also so disappointed. Prior to his passing I distanced myself and started to talk to someone new who I felt at the time was more balanced for me. Me n my x argued alot so I started to pull away. But my x never gave up on me. He always wanted to be with me but I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. We would argue a lot but there was a lot of love between us. So he was in the army and he only had a few days left in the state before he moved and we finally got back on good terms. I started to see him and hang out before he was about to leave altho I still was interested in someone else. But I didn’t want him to leave the state and us not be in good terms. I cared so much for Him. I actually started to contemplate maybe giving us another shot. Then boom, he leaves this earth and since than I have never felt so alone. The new guy I was talking to was a good distraction but now he ultimately would up leaving me in a very rude hurtful way. So I gave him a chance and lost the one person who ever loved me so much and held me so high in the process.. now I really alone and I just don’t want to do this anymore.. I’m tired. I’m hurt. I miss my x so much. I wish I gave us a chance again sooner .. im really messed uP mentally.
  7. That’s what kills me the most. It all kills me actually. But the fact that yeah we didn’t even get that much time. We had our ups and downs for a while and for us to literally just get back into a great space where it felt like the beginning again; for a week later him to be gone. He was going to have to move to Cali bc the army and we were going to do long distance which definitely was going to be rough. But I think we would have been ok. And if not, at least he’d still be here and he could have lived the rest of his life he was supposed to live. And I wouldn’t be bascially half dead. 😔
  8. Awww I’m glad I was able to help you and hopefully make you smile :). You said harshly blindsided and that is probably the best description of what happened to me. It’s the worst. You just never expect it. Literally within just a few hours my whole life changed. Thank you for allowing me to vent. It’s definitely not easy. I’m trying to find ways to grieve in healthy ways rather than remain negative. I’m fighting it internally. But thank you for being you. ❤️ Means more to me than you know.
  9. Gwen 😔 reading that I felt every word from you. It’s like I can feel your energy and the frustration. I am literally sending you my love and hugs. I wish I could give you a real one. I’m sorry to hear your going through this. I see you on my post and others post and you really are a beautiful person with a good heart. I don’t even know you but I can sense that just by things you say. I know am not the same but let me just tell you . Your beautiful. Courageous. And He’s with you always. Altho he cannot help you in these areas, and believe me I know it’s frustrating bc I also do a lot myself and don’t really have much help. My bf would always offer to help and soemtimes I’d still tell him no bc I “ got it always “. The independent woman in me now wishing he was still here to help bc I’m left to do a lot on my own. They don’t make men like they did him anymore. 😔 and especially at my age the way this world is.. it’s just sad. But anyways be proud of yourself. I’m proud of you. ❤️
  10. This! They do not understand. I know there intentions are in the right spot but they are not living on with the void of having the one you love physically gone. I’m 28 Jim. I lost my bf he was 29. A drug overdose that nobody including myself expected. My whole world turned upside down and I’m basically living in this new life that I’m forced to adjust to. It sucks, it’s painful I hate it. Iv had moments of wanting to just go be with him bc I do believe he’s on the other side. he was my comfort and that’s where I want to be. With him. Happy again. I believe I will see him again and my pain is telling me I can’t wait till it’s my time. I’m sad it was him and not me. I’m left to have to live this now as I get older. Thinking will I meet another and them love me like he did? These are things that worry me. I don’t want to sit and sulk I really really don’t. I know he didn’t like to see me cry but this pain is just different. 😔 I’m feeling pretty swallowed by the depression and one part of me is saying stop staying low and another part of me is saying just sleep. I have not felt happiness since he passed a month ago.
  11. Wow; your story is very deep and similar; ugh I understand those feelings. I have been in therapy and my therapist tells me not to glorify him and make put guilt on myself and remember why I stepped back from him in the first place. Not bc I didn’t love him but bc of his behavior & reckless childish ways at times. Again Drugs was the last thing I’d expect out of him bc I held him higher than that. Saw more in him. But I never stopped loving him. He didn’t even know love or feelings until he met me. But he was also a bit love thirsty and it became overwhelming for me at times. We had our issues. But I knew he was really trying and I always saw the light in him which is why I never fully left. And we just got back into a great space just for him to do coke and then it just really messes me up bc the person he was with cared more about themselves then his life. I will never ever be able to be ok or accept that. He would still be here today if they were a real human being and called 911 immediately. But no.. some people out there especially with drugs only care about themselves and not getting caught. It’s disgusting. And he was also in the army! He was about to move he had 5 days left in the state. That alone was hard for me to deal with but we were going to make it work. And I knew he was depressed about leaving me and everything but still never expected him to partake in that. N he never thought that would be his last day. I hurt for him more than myself. Iv always and then when I tried to do Right by me and step back I still didn’t feel good about it.
  12. Wow..... so I feel this 100% but I also hate it. He was my biggest fan. He’d do anything for me. He made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.he was my best friend to vent to, he’d listen and he was my go to & I got used to that I hate to say it but I did. Now it’s all taken from me. Now it’s like I have to give all that to myself and it seems like the hardest thing in the world to do. He made me feel so loved and now I lost that. I lost him. I lost my comfort. I’m not only uncomfortable I also don’t really know how to pour all that love into myself especially when I don’t even have the urge to be alive like I just want to be with him. Back to my safe haven. He battled not loving himself first and I thought I was semi loving of myself but his death just highlighted that I never actually did. That validation he always gave me is what helped keep me ok. Now I have nothing but myself to rely on. And i know that sounds maybe a little selfish but I don’t mean it that way it’s just hard for me to give myself love . Be my own best friend. Hug myself idk... really I hate myself for not doing more or giving him more love or working things out sooner. 💔😭 ugh
  13. I know he never meant for that to happen. He pressed his luck a lot though. & He knew he also had a heart issue. He drank a lot and I knew that but the coke just completely shocked me. I was very disappointed in him when I found out. And unfortunately I found out when he passed. Between that and him passing I was disappointed, shocked, angry and hurt all in one. I know he’s up there above and he knows I’m upset with his choice. He battled a lot of demons and I know I kept him very in check. But I wanted him to do that for himself as well when I wasn’t there. He put a lot of his happiness in my hands. that’s when I had to distance a little bc it became a lot and overwhelming for me. But I never fully left, I just didn’t show as much love as I used to. He meant well, he was a amazing person who just self sabotaged too easily. Your so Right though. We get irritated in moments and yes we never expect that person to be gone. But unfortunately when it happens it’s literally a life changing experience im sad any of us have to ever go through. Losing your best friend, your go to person... it’s terrible. I’m sad he’s not here & missing out on things. I’m sad I’m alone. I’m grieving for myself but also his life because it was cut so short but a dumb choice he made. 😔
  14. Wow I’m sorry for your loss as well. Yeah it’s hard because people tell me oh your young you still have so much life to live but I don’t even want to live right now. I lost my soulmate. Not only lost him, but the love I was used to and felt and made me feel secure. Poof. Gone. The internal loneliness I feel is unlike any other. Your words give me comfort. I’m trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel bc right now I feel completely submerged in the depression pool. They really don’t understand, Altho they can try but they don’t understand. It’s a different type of loss and they don’t get it.
  15. Wow.... I have some similar feelings about my partner who passed. He would do anything for me and sometimes I took advantage of that.and I didn’t always show him the love he deserved to be shown back. It kills me everyday. We had our issues and at moments I would distance and step back bc that’s how I felt at the time and it even hurt me then because all he ever wanted as me. And I never fully turned my back on him but at moments I wasn’t as comforting or there for him as i could have been. I miss him so much and my world has been turned upside down. I’m 28. He was 29. He turned to drugs and I had no idea and wound up overdosing. He wasn’t even a addict. He was in the army getting ready to move and I knew he was depressed but I never thought he’d engage in that. To numb his pain. It makes me so mad. We talked all morning n were in a Great place and he still chose to do that. It hurts. I can’t help but reflect on everything and hate myself for not being there more thinking maybe if I was hed still be here.
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