Kevin13

Well, here I am again. Life sometimes can be really cruel. 2 months ago I lost, totally out of nowhere, my dad. He just decided to first go walk his dog, then take a nap and never wake up again. Im devastated and it's only 2 months passed. I don't see any light out of this tunnel that actually started last year. I just feel numb. My family is 700km away and this also makes everything even harder. I can't go visit him, I can just cry over a photo of him. I will go back visit my family in 2 weeks. I've never been so sad in my life. Only "good" here is that my ex and I are writing again, on daily basis. We decided to meet up for a dinner and some cardboard games. We understand totally right now as we are going trough basically the same stuff, I can help her and she can help me. But I won't go back togheter with her, we will stay friends and actually try to cheer up ourselves in this dark time.

Yes, I think I read around 50+ topics here. It helped seeing stuff from other perspective. Feel you. Soon its my ex's birthday, just god knows how much I miss her and how much I'd like to be there with her but it wasn't just meant to be. We need to be strong and take our time. Soon we will be much better. Keep going

I think I read like 60 threads on here and in other websites. No one did it. I lost hope recently, after 4 months Pretty simple: this stuff CHANGES you. The person you were used to date/love is not the same anymore and she/he will be never like before. But hey, remember, me, you, everyone on here did OUR VERY BEST, the endcome is not on us. We did nothing, NOTHING wrong. We could have never did something else in order to keep our partner. Again, death of a parent/sibling/someone so close is devastating and it may drastically change you as a person. I know it's hard. But the show must go on. We will find our path.

Thank you so much. Today is the first day of my new life and I won't let anyone to break me down. My healing process starts now and I am sure I will be good again. Not soon, not in a month, maybe not even in two, but I will be ok. I won't try to speed up the process, I will just try to trust this process.

Well, today after basically 3 months I feel that everything is over. I feel like there is no more hope, no more getting back togheter, I got finally hit by the truth and this hurts like never before but I hope that as today I can start my healing process. I guess better late than never. I will keep going on with my life as I ever did, but with no hope in my heart that that lovely, caring, intelligent and extremely beautiful girl could be again on my side. She told me to go on. She told me that she feels another person, she has another needs and she wants to focus just on herself. She told me even if she wanted, our relationship could never be the same as it used to be. She also entered therapy lately. She told me I am still a very important person in her life because I basically saw her going down and shared such a terrible experience with her, but she can't to anything else than being a friend of mine, no relationship, nothing. She told me that she didnt wanted anything of this happens, she was expecting our relationship to go on but she just can't. Now I have a big question, how the f* someone can move on after something like that? How can someone move on knowing that they both didn't anything wrong, but this relationship ended because of something "external"? How can someone move on knowing that if this terrible thing never happened they could be still with the same partner and be happy? How can someone move on knowing that "something external" took away your wife-to-be and mother-of-your-childrens-to-be? I need help. I wish so hard I could go back in time and bring her Dad back. Oh gosh, I wish this like I never wished anything before. I feel I am empty, done. That I have nothing left.

Sup guys. Lately I've been doing bit better. I noticed that since I've stopped texting her..she basically comes to me. She replies to my stories or she textes me via whatsapp. Still dont get why. Most of the time I don't reply but she comes and write me again, and again.

It's just really so hard stop thinking about her. Really, really hard

Ahahah yea you were so right, of course I hoped. After "meeting" that day, we basically talked every day for a good week. Either was me starting the conversation or her, easy topics, chilling stuff. Nothing too personal, nothing too "hurtful" for her. Then couple days ago I had the brilliant idea to wish her a good day after talking a bit but I wanted to put there something like "Hope to see you soon", thinking and hoping that she would reply "hey, yea, same". Guess I putted bit of stress on her or simply she doesnt give a f* about seeing me again, despite admitting that seeing me that day was cool. She didnt replied to that last message of mine. Was kind of an eye opener. I need to start to value myself way more than I did in this 2 months.

Well, big update. Kind of. We saw eachoter today, wasnt a date, we partecipated at race togheter with other people, friends in common and blabla, much people tho, basically around 4hours long. So if she wanted she could hang out with her friends and not close to me like the 70% of the time. We basically talked the whole time, she was constantly looking at me (my friend says) when we were not togheter and yea. Talking like nothing happened, still maintaning a chill and cool conversation, not talking about the past. Was really cool, I saw in her eyes the attraction towards me, otherwise she would have not talked to me or hang around me that much. I decided then to text her a little after we said bye, we both said was really cool to see eachother again, then we texted a bit more about normal stuff. Wished her good evening and she wished back. Now I think I will go in "no contact" again, not sure. I need help. I kinda want a "date" with her but at the same time I don't want to put any stress on her shoulders. Should I do a step back now and let her make the "move" now? (That she always have done btw till now) Should I keep texting her? Or asking her out for a real date? BTW: Cool how I changed my mind in couple of days, but I think this could change something, even tho I am not expecting her to come back or anything at all. BUT its for sure better than being there and just be 2 complete strangers to eachother or even worse doesnt even look at eachother

And again, reply and reacting to stories of mine. Heh. I decided to block her and focus on myself, as I was doing anyway before, but that constantly "getting in the way" from her was disturbing my process

Another little, probably nonsense, update. She probably muted my Insta stories, I think. Or she just avoid them, dont know. Today then, out of nowhere (again, lol) she react to a story of mine, totally randomly. I then did nothing, ignored her reaction. Why she's acting like this? She's testing me? She wants, somehow, to reconnect but shes unsure? I mean, this doesnt make any sense and, to be honest, its making my healing process more difficult. Taking in consideration to block her so she won't be able to reach out and "disturb" me. Hope you guys are all good

Hey guys, quick update: She, really randomly and out of the blue, texted me. She didnt want to ask anything (or neither asking how am I doing). We had a discussion (well, discussion, we just had 2 different opinions back in the days when we were still a couple) and she get somehow back to that topic reading it somewhere. She was like "hey, you should read this, maybe you could understand it better or change your mind" I was like "wtf"? How should I reply to something that leaves nothing open for a reply? I just replied back "Ok then, I might give it a read, who knows", then her again "Do it :)" And again, she just write stuff really "closed" or damn difficult to reply. Why that? This make totally no sense to me. I don't even want to find it out a reason to all this because it probably doesnt have any. But yea, she told me she needs time for her, that she want to focus on herself and then she waste her time to write random stuff to me. Its not even that she wants to talk to me. She's just writing stuff but, again, close without giving me any chance to start a conversation Again, I am not pretending to understand her mind. She probably doesnt understand it either Anyway day by day is going better. I am focusing on myself (and working a lot, lol) And, as she requested I am leaving her all her space and I am NOT going to write her again first.

I would most likely stop contacting her simply because I don't have anything to ask her or to tell her, as I said yesterday, everything I need to tell her I already told her so based on that, I am ok with myself. Bad timing. Wrong person. Bad combination. That's life. The show must go on.

As a sportive, I never drink. This was probably the fist time in years and years, but we were partying. After a full year of Corona, emotions got strong, I was really happy until I broke down in tears. But till then, it was really an amazing day and I really enjoyed. Thanks god I have 2 amazing friends who helped me out and took me home safely. Then of course, alcohol made his job makin me cry. But better crying it out than keep it inside. Now I am training a lot (2-3h a day) and working the rest hours (9-12h a day). Not much time to think actually. What hurts me is just Sundays, because I have then really a lot of time to think. If I find a way to fill up my Sundays, I would then be much better. Thanks for your reply again. I will keep you posted. I will try to do my best till then. Take care.

Update for everyone @kayc@CommanderCody@BaxterBurg Yesterday we talked a bit via Whatsapp. I texter her normally asking how was going packaging her stuff (she moves in a week in a town close to the one we live both now) and at the end I had to tell her how I was feeling about the whole situation because I never really told her my feelings in 3 weeks of breakup. She said she's sorry that I am feeling this way, but also that me opening up hurts her and put her under stress. She asked me kindly to avoid opening up in this way because its really an another stressor for her at the moment. Of course I am going to listen to her and stop sending her huge text where I say what I feel like and what I feel towards her. She thanked me (with a ❤️ smiley, tho, ahah). She also said me she don't want me to fight for her anymore, as again this is a stressor for her. Basically everything I do seems to be a sort of stress for her. She always reply back really fast and thats a good sign, she still want to talk sometimes. Even tho she made a statement pretty clear telling me "don't make yourself wrong hopes, its not because Im texting you back that I want also our relationship back". But if I am going to text her again, I will keep it lowkey easy conversation and never talk anymore about the relationship or about anything I feel (or how bad I want her back). Again, yesterday she said: I am sorry if this is hard for you and if you don't feel me, but I can't look up to anyone at the moment. Just myself. And that was pretty clear. And understandable. But I feel a bit better. I told her everything I had inside and I took away a stone I had on my heart and on my chest. Now I could finally start my healing process and I can let her go, even if it hurts like nothing I've ever felt before. @Da808Dudethanks for your post. I am going to reply to the points I think they fit with my story: 1. Yes, but not even the relationship I once had is gone, the girl I used to date is also gone. She told me that nothing can be like it used to be. Our relationship can't be anymore like it used to be and she, as a person, she can't be as she used to be when her father was still alive. She's another person. And that cracked my heart when she told me this. I hope she can get back somehow to the amazing person she used to be. 2. Nailed it, thats true. I felt it in her actions. Also yes, it seems pretty common response to grief. 3. That hit me hard. And thats why I can't stand it. Its was not my fault or her fault that our relationship went to hell. She was my dream girl, I "fight" so hard to finally start to date her, was everything so amazing with her, that was really my dream coming true. Since the first moment I saw her I tought she was the one for me and then because something like that, terribly, happened, is all gone. It might sound selfish but..I can't really accept it, yet. My head is full of "how beautiful could have been my life with her" and toughts like that. How the f*** can I avoid such toughts? Theyre killing me. But also, if its really meant to be, we'll find eachother again, I suppose. I don't know if anything like that ever happen, but if we are really meant to be togheter, we will be. Somehow. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. 4. I am trying it. Since the breakup I still kept doing all the stuff I was doing before. Training, studying, working. Meeting up with friends. Trying to keep my head away from her. Its difficult tho. 5. Also true, yes. But I don't really blame her, or myself (well, maybe I blame myself for I don't know which reason ahaha) but I already forgive her. I know this wasnt an easy solution for her, at all. Breaking up sometimes is harder than being dumped and we can't compare the feelings I am going trough with the feeling shes going trough. I lost her, but she's still alive and if we want we can see eachother again. She lost someone she can't ever have back. And thats heartbreaking. I wish her strenght. I also wish myself strenght to try to overcome this mountain. This aint a small one for me, looks like a damn Everest at the moment. What doesnt kill you make your stronger. Right?