Hello, I’m new here. My boyfriend's mother died somewhat suddenly on may 26, 2021. She was 72 so fairly young. She’d been sick a few weeks and had a heart attack after she finally went to the hospital. She survived that and had a stint put in, but 8 days later collapsed due to fluid around her heart, and they weren’t able to save her.
My boyfriend was pretty close with his mother but we live in Maine and she lived in NY state, 6 hours away, so he didn’t see her incredibly often. He’s 43 and has one younger brother, no children. This loss has devastated him. He has completely withdrawn from me, is drinking and smoking so so much, he’s having to take care of all of her belongings (with his brother but he seems to be the main person) and he’s constantly overwhelmed and as he puts it “in crisis mode”. I’ve been telling him I’m here for him in whatever way he needs and trying to give him space, but I’m honestly worried. He’s cancelled plans we had made months ago and hardly communicates.
I want to be there in the way he needs, but I’m also trying to muddle through this loss from my perspective. I’m 37 and I’ve never had anyone close to me die, so I’m flying blind here. Both for my own grief and how to support him. I never got the chance to meet his mother due to the distance and covid and I have so much sadness over that. I want to be able to talk to him about her, to learn about her and know her through him and through stories, but he can’t right now. So I’m left to my pain by myself and I feel like I’m drowning in it. Both for the loss of what could’ve been with his mother, but also for what feels like the loss of my relationship. It’s like everything just stopped one day and I want to get it back, but I have no idea how to.
I hope this makes sense and I hope I’m not being selfish or stupid with this. Thank you for taking the time to read it.
