MaggieAmn

You are right. Specially his sister who missed out on his last days and is unable to handle grieve. She calls me for comfort. I feel that we can help each other. I am dying to tell her my story, but still don't have the courage. I am not sure if I should share it though. Thanks for the idea of WhatsApp back up.

Thank you for sharing your story. It is comforting to know that there are people who understand this pain. Gives me hope.

Thank you kayc. The craziest thing about us is that both of us had espouses whom we loved and cared about. We never planned to leave them, nor did we cross the line with each other. It was just our hearts that felt connected. I do have a close friend who is also his cousin. She was the one who brought us together in the first place and gave me his number years later. She was happy that we got reconnected. BUT she is only sad for his passing, definitely not grieving. She expects me to do the same, which is impossible.

Thank you so much MartyT

I was his first love. We had a very matured mostly long distance relationship since I went to college soon after we met. We parted ways and lost contact after 4 years. Thirty years later, I got his number from his cousin. I couldn't resist calling him one day. The moment we heard each other, the feelings erupted. We were like kids crying. But we both were married and we wanted to respect each other's marriage. So we developed friendship with each other's espouses and families. But deep inside we were dying. We talked on the phone every week and communicated through WhatsApp everyday. We managed to meet 6 times during the next 6 years, but could never meet alone (we live in different cities). We were like love birds wanting to break loss from the cage. Six days before his passing, he said that he was not feeling well. The next few days we continued to talk over phone and texted as his health deteriorated. A day before he passed, he could not pick up the phone. I talked with his wife. The next day I called his wife again to enquire about his condition. Two and a half hours later, she called me again and said that he slipped off without a word. I cried and cried. My heart broke into million pieces. No one knew the dept of our relationship. Families and friends know that I am grieving the loss of a friend, but they do not know its depth. I try to heal by making videos of him, in his memory and by talking with his sibling and wife. But it gets worse. Incidentally, I had recorded our last few phone conversations. Happened that I had turned on my call recording as I was expecting an important official call. And I forgot to turn it off later. I found the recordings later after his death. I was so happy. I treasure and listen to these conversations. It makes me feel as if he is still alive. But I have lost interest in everything except think about him, look at his pictures and videos, or listen to his voice recording. It gets harder day by day. No one knows that we were in love. Going to a therapist is not an option as I am known in the society and the story will blow up. It's one and a half months since he is gone and I continue to go downhill.

Thank you. I will when I get the strength to do so. I think that will help.

I joined this forum because I am in your shoes now. Mine happened recently. Our stories are very similar and I can deeply feel and relate to everything you say here. I am going downhill. But reading your story lightens my load a little knowing that someone knows what it's like.