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Grief Healing Discussion Groups


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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Ex-girlfriend's dad
  • Date of Death
    April 26, 2021
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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    Hillsdale, NJ

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  1. I especially agree with you on that. HOW people breakup is a very telltale sign of the respect they had for you and the relationship. Bearing circumstances of abuse, cheating, etc. I believe a breakup should always end with a mutual discussion. While the dumpers are not entitled to give anyone that, it should just be done out of respect for the other person and the relationship as a whole. Being broken up with at your job is not correct but, as you say, there are reasonings behind it, which sort of masks the characteristics of it. Just like I thought my relationship wouldn't end over a phone call and that even if she did want to breakup, we could at least talk things out in person. I personally did nothing to warrant being blocked, but again, this is their grief, and honestly I am not in their shoes at all... so it's hard to even like analyze it. Nobody is right or wrong it's just confusing, honestly. Yup. I don't blame you for being single. Once you come out of a great relationship, you set your standards really high afterward. I would imagine things change in the dating life and I would assume I'll experience those changes. I agree with asking for space and breaking it off. I wish my ex had communicated to me what was going on inside her head. Like, "Hey ____. I've been really having thoughts of wanting to break up and I apologize if this makes you upset but it's something I want to avoid. Can we talk and work this out?" Or something like that. Ya know. The entire time I was in a relationship with this girl, she lead me to believe that if she ever was thinking of ending it, that would be discussed first before any decisions were made. It's hard to draw the line of well, ok, is this the grief changing this person or does she just want nothing to do with me or what? As mentioned, it's so incredibly complex to analyze that it is almost useless to and just accept it for what it is: she broke up with me. That's it. That's all. Nothing else to it. In regard to what I quoted, I agree. I feel the same way about me and my ex. Great communication, mutual love, and a lot of prioritization. All of a sudden, it just went away and I was told genuinely it never would. It's a lot of shock. It's hard and for people like you, me, and many others on this forum, it's something we all may never understand, but we can accept it either way.
  2. It's funny... today I kind of realized something. A lot of the emotions I felt in the beginning of the breakup are not there anymore. The original denial, shock, confusion, anger, etc... Not understanding why she did what she did. Thinking necessarily that I did something wrong that caused all of this. Thinking that I deserved another chance to "prove" something (I had nothing to prove). Thinking that we should have made a better attempt to fix things. No... it has nothing to do with that. It has nothing to do with any of these things. She went through an extreme and traumatic life change. She had to put herself first. It was nothing against me. She could no longer be in a relationship. She needs to focus on herself and needs space away from me and a relationship. Everyone grieves differently and there is no correct way to grieve. She could not be there as she used to and she knew it was hurting me. At the same time, me expecting things to be how they used to was probably hurting her, too. I finally, finally... understand. I can almost cry... and I probably will.. but in a different way. Not in a way of crying because I miss her, etc. (although, I do) but crying because I really understand her perspective now and it's very sad that this is how it all ended. I almost, in a way, wish I handled the breakup a bit differently. In the grand scheme of things, it probably does not matter much. I think if a relationship ends with a dumper and dumpee, it is totally normal for the dumpee to make an attempt to see if things can be salvaged. I didn't say anything mean. I let my feelings out and naturally, I think that's okay to do and is justified when someone breaks up with you. What would be wrong is if you yell at them, get angry, make threats, curse at them, tell them they're the worst, tell them they have to stay with you or else this and that, etc. But, it's okay to be confused about it when it first happens and try to figure out what is going on. It's okay to make an attempt to talk to them if the breakup is extremely fresh and it was a good relationship. However, it was very smart of her to block me and I respect that decision. It is no longer the factor where it's like "oh my god, I can't believe she blocked me!" but, now, it's more like... that was the right move. She didn't try to keep me hanging on to lead me to believe something that wasn't true. She NEEDS space. I will always remember that on the phone she told me she still loved me at the time of the breakup. That's all the closure you need. It has nothing to do with all of these things like the love went away, feelings went away, she doesn't like me, etc. No. She just can't do it right now. Not with me. Not with anyone. She can't do it. I genuinely feel like when she is ready, we may be able to talk, take things slow and see what happens. I'm not getting my hopes up, but my gut is telling me this. Just like my gut was telling me something was wrong before she broke up with me... my gut is just telling me... give this time. And in the end, no matter what, you will be okay. In the future, I hope we talk again. I truly believe this is a scenario of the right person, but the wrong time. Even if the time never comes again where we do not get a chance to reconcile, I will always believe that she was right for me. There is no bad blood between us. We had a special connection that is impossible to replicate. Even if I find someone else that I connect with in a way that is truly special, unique and makes me feel true love again, I will always remember her and the life experience the relationship gave me. She is a great person. What a great relationship. We really were a power couple. Everyone around us knew what we had was special. I hope she is able to find peace in this cruel world. Thank you to anyone who has always read my thoughts on here. Kayc, MartyT, etc. I will still post if I feel I need to. This is so therapeutic for me. God... this is so hard. Breakups are hard. This is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. If things are meant to be, we will find each other once again.... and that is a fact. Again, in the words of her phone call, "who knows what the future holds"... or something along those lines haha I don't remember the exact phrasing she used. Today, just like many other days, progress has been made. Edit: It's funny... after writing this, now I feel like wait a minute... she chose to break up with me. She hurt me. It was justified, but like.. idk. I thought she would want to end it differently, but at the same time.. it's like, how else could it have gone down anyway? I'm defending her actions, but what about myself? I do not blame her for doing what she did (at this point in time, maybe in the beginning stages of the BU... not so much) but damn I wish we were able to make it work. So many emotions to feel! I go back and forth with how to feel about it. It becomes so much to deal with mentally.
  3. No problem at all! I always appreciate the responses, seriously! It was really an easy decision to come to actually when all things were considered. It is definitely hard... the whole breakup... it activates a lot of feelings that I've never really felt before
  4. Update: I am not going to do it. It could give off a false impression of saying it to get emotional leverage with both of them. Also, the last thing my ex told me was to respect her wishes for space. By communicating to some degree with the mutual friend (that she way closer to than I am), it could potentially violate her idea of what space is... and that's a lesson I already learned when I tried to reach out the few days after she broke it off. I'm glad I typed my thoughts out here and came to this decision on my own. I feel like it's progress to some capacity. Nonetheless, I still wish (albeit, to myself) that she has a great day.
  5. I don't know if anyone will provide an answer to this haha but yeah. So, if anyone has read this thread, they will see that me and my ex-girlfriend were introduced from a mutual friend. This mutual friend is my ex's best friend, but was/is(?) a very good friend of mine as well. In fact, up until the break up, I would call her a top 5 friend of mine in terms of closeness, openness, etc. Today is her birthday. The last time I spoke to her was a month ago when I was pretty much panicking about my ex blocking me. She texted me about it very calmly regardless of my franticness. She recommended I don't reach out (regarding my ex) and the last thing she told me was to "take care". I can understand why she would feel uncomfortable to talk to me at this moment because she is my ex's best friend. However, we aren't on bad terms. There is a great amount of respect between us. Do I wish the mutual friend of ours a happy birthday? Not with any hidden message or anything. Just "Happy birthday". I feel like it would be disrespectful almost not to... but at the same time I really don't know if she would be comfortable hearing from me at this moment since me and my ex are not speaking at all. Any opinions? I don't want to give off the impression that I'm looking for something more out of wishing her a happy birthday which is kind of what I fear. I guess I shouldn't... but I'd like to just be friendly with her because she was/(is?) a pretty significant person in my life when we were communicating on a daily basis. I just kind of want to be civil but I don't know if it's more civil to just not send the text. Like I said, I'm not looking for anything out of it like to strike a conversation with her or anything like that. Just to be polite. She was/(is?) a really good friend.
  6. Thank you for the compliment! Very nice Oh really?? I'll look into that. I'll have to ask my dad if he can taste again and get an update on that. This forum has been so beneficial.. I wonder what my grieving process would be if I didn't have this source to come to and kind of just express myself
  7. My family is all better! They're just going through the whole isolation/quarantine process regardless of the fact they have no symptoms anymore well, only my dad who has lost most of his taste, but I think he said recently it's like an on and off thing, so I think it's coming back! Definitely dodged a bullet there, for sure. Also, regarding my grieving and the breakup, I feel like I'm in a really great headspace with everything right now. Of course, it's not a smooth road, but it's okay!
  8. Really??? Where do you live? After my ACL surgery in February 2020, I got prescribed Percocet out of the hospital and picked up the prescription that day. Is this a new law?
  9. Oh my gosh that sounds so horrible I'm sorry you had to go through that. Yeah really, how could they possibly expect you to drive back? No warnings in advance that the procedure would be so brutal? Sounds extremely unprofessional to me. I'm glad your sister is doing better now through everything! Unfortunately the covid stuff seems to be the luck of the draw and some get it worse than others regardless of pre-existing conditions, age, etc. Obviously, a lower chance of getting severely ill if you're vaccinated and young, but even those who seemingly have nothing wrong... you hear these horrible stories and it really makes you understand how scary of a virus it can be. Totally random!
  10. What happened with your foot? I'm wishing you a speedy recovery! My covid symptoms are significantly better and I can come out of quarantine fully starting Sunday & will get my shot ASAP. My dad is significantly better as well. He's outside doing yard work and he seems to have been fully recovered! My brother got it as well but his symptoms are light. Very grateful as things could have been much, much worse. My mom has been a bit sick, but tested negative so she probably has it but praying for the best!
  11. Here I am... 24 hours later and the emotions I feel are similar to the ones I felt many weeks ago when the breakup was more fresh. Why must this be so hard!
  12. Had a big revelation today about a bunch of things regarding the relationship. I’m thankful the relationship happened, but it's for the best it ended. So many emotions to deal with on a daily basis. My feelings are of course there for her, but I need to heal, and so does she. She is absolutely in the right to heal as needed and I need to respect her wishes for space right now. I use the forum as a way to get everything out of my system!
  13. For sure man. I know I’m just an Internet stranger but I’m here for you if you ever need to vent or talk about what happened. Feel free to reply here or message me! The need to reach out on her birthday I’m sure is a strong feeling… the need to reconnect. This is not a race but a process!
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