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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

DLK

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  • Posts

    5
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Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    wife
  • Date of Death
    July 11, 2021
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Ashland, WI

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  1. My husband was ill, but not terminal -- so far as we knew. I often said, "If you die before me, what do you think I should....." I think we sort of figured in a general way that he would die before I did. But we didn't get specific and really face it. I often think about what I wish I /we had done differently in our marriage. I was fine with it while it was going on. I think I just repressed what I wish could be different. Sometimes I think I am mourning what could have been, but not able to mourn what actually was. And yet -- it was fine; we were fine; life was good together; we were pleased with it. I just didn't let myself think further until he died. And now I have anger and regrets, and sadness too. Sad for what he was not able to do that he still wanted to do. Anyway, some of what you wrote made me think about this, so thank you.
  2. Thank you for this. It is extremely helpful. The mania you described -- I was almost embarrassed that people saw that in me. But with the help of posts like yours, I've come to accept that I will grieve the way I'll grieve. It's mine, it's private, it will happen the way it happens. Right? Right. Thank you!
  3. I'm so sorry, James, for these losses. And I thank for responding to my post. Diane
  4. Six weeks ago I lost my husband of 20 years. I keep reading there is no right way to grieve, but I am ashamed, embarrassed, concerned that i don't seem to be grieving at all. I loved him. He deserves to be mourned. What's wrong here? It helps to know there is actually a type of grieving called "absent grief." But I truly do want to feel the reality, the loss, no matter how bad it is. I am a person who is considered to be fairly self-aware. It seems I would have some inkling that I'm repressing my feelings, but I don't. Is that what it is? Repression? Another person has written about the need for community ritual to mourn her mother. I don't feel like that's my situation -- that I'm missing ritual. I thought in the beginning that my anti-depressant was keeping me from feeling. Two weeks after the death, I had my dosage decreased by one-half. I'm not sure it's helping, but possibly. I do realize that the opposite often occurs -- people ask to have their dosage increased rather than decreased. Thanks for any thoughts.
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