Hi everyone! I’m new here! I have been reading countless stories on here day in and day out and they have been truly comforting, especially in a time where I feel so confused and lost right now. I’m looking for any advice/support during my time of need and thought it was time I was brave enough to share my story.
In late April of this year, my ex’s father became terminally ill (it was completely unexpected) and he passed away very suddenly in May. My boyfriend and I only dated for 10 months, but we had a very loving relationship. We always talked about the future - marriage/kids, our careers, where we would live etc. and as naive as it sounds - we promised to love eachother forever. I suffer from abandonment issues from when I was a child which started to spill into our relationship…but my boyfriend did everything he could to be there for me. He even went to counseling with me and we would work out the toughest of issues together despite it cracking the foundation of our relationship. I guess there were times of neediness, which i deeply regret. He also had a very demanding job as well which made it hard for us to spend time together, but i just really loved him and when we were together we were so happy. Not to mention, our physical connection was also just as strong. I was his first love. He always told me that.
We are in our 20s so i know this is especially difficult for people our age to withstand such a tragedy…but i wanted to be there for him in every capacity. When his father was sick, he pulled away a lot. I couldn’t see him because he was in another state taking care of his sick dad, and we would go hours without speaking, sometimes days and it just took an enormous toll on me and it was hard not to take it personal…i would send flowers, gifts baskets, text/call him daily to reach out and offer my support but one day i just cracked and I felt like our relationship was slipping and i voiced that. It was incredibly poor timing because he was grieving and we took a 3 week break from our relationship.
fast forward to June/July and we are together. We got back together after i begged him to reconsider but he told me he was a completely different person and i needed fo accept that. I also needed to accept that he was going to be catering to his family and we would be spending much less time together. I agreed, anything to make him happy. I just wanted fo be there.
we got back together…and we would go to therapy together and go on dates (way less frequent given the circumstances) but i cherished every moment. I would sit with him the car and hold his hand while he cried and just hugged him until he felt he was ok. But he still was a bit distant. He wanted to be strong and crying to him was weak.
he eventually Broke up with me for good. And told me he didn’t feel the same that it was something he was feeling before his dads death. He didn’t feel the same for a while and he couldnt promise me a future. He couldn’t give me what i needed. He said he wouldn’t block me and he still had all our pictures saved but it’s not me it’s him. This wa as journey he needed to go through alone and he said he doesn’t know what the future holds. I was crying, a ball of emotions. But i knew i had to accept it all. But i also was angry. This was the second time i had to experience this “breakup.”
i deleted my ex off socials to help process the inevitable break up. I knew in my heart we weren’t going to last because my ex was tired. It just became so much pressure. It was painful. He followed suit and didn’t answer me when i wanted to talked. Only after i begged and pleaded did he call me…one day later. I don’t know if he would have called and officially broken it off hadn’t i beggared him into answers.
we have been broken up for 2 and a half months. I tried contacting him again a couple of week post break up. A simple message asking how he was doing…ignored. I then wrote him a strongly worded text about all the things he put me through and how much he hurt me (i kinda feel selfish looking back that i did this)..i was blindsided by his treatment and he felt like a completely different person, which he admitted he was. He just became a hard,frantic and cruel person when we tried working things out. I then followed up with an apology because even though he and his family hurt me, i will forever sympathize with their situation and i still have so much love for my ex. He also ignored that message too. So does this mean I’ll never hear from him again? Just like that I’m completely forgotten about? He didn’t block me on social media/ didn’t block my #. My messages in the past just delivered.
A couple more weeks have passed, his birthday is coming up next week and it pains me. I wish i could just walk away from the relationship but something holds me back. I don’t know if i should text him or completely go radio silent. I just want to hear from him and have a conversation without any pressure. I know he hasn’t moved on but he seems happy. I get NC is for my own healing. I am going out with friends, found a new job, traveled a little here and there but i just miss him and feel wonder how he’s doing.
i know my story is a long one but how should i move forward? Do i give up on him? Or do i continue to fight and try to reach out again by sending that bday text? I just want this pain to go away because i thought he was the guy i was going to marry. I’m scared I’ll never hear from him again.
please any advice or encouragement will help. Thank you<3