My youngest son died at age 18 on March 4, 2006. I fell apart, and it was a couple of years before I began to grip a new normal for myself. I have grieved and cried over him for years. Now it's 15 years later, and my life was starting to be good again. My oldest son just had his first child two years ago. Now my oldest son is dead...from Covid on August 6, 2021. I'm not crying or falling apart. To me it's like he's just working out of town or something. What's wrong with me? I love my oldest son so damn much. He has been the center of my life since the day he was born. He made me a momma, but I'm not crying over this loss even though I recognize the stabbing in my heart is the same as when I lost my first son. What's wrong with me? Why am I not crying my eyes out?
