Mellar

Hi all. My mom had been having issues at home with mobility and falling. she is only 70... she refused all help and it just kept getting worse. My sister finally convinced her to say yes to calling an ambulance to bring her to the hospital to get checked over. it had been 2 years since seeing her doctor in person due to covid - but she also avoided doctors, she preferred not to know if something was wrong, which was infuriating. Once in the hospital and having an MRI, the found cancer and it had spread to 3 major organs. Prognosis is a few months, and that was one month ago now. Mom is confused, swelling as it's impacting her kidneys, and in so much pain from osteoarthritis in her back - which now has pinched her spinal cord and she's not able to move her legs anymore. While in hospital and delivered the cancer diagnosis, no visitors were allowed due to COVID which killed me to thing she is sitting there alone for weeks processing this information that she never wanted to hear. She's been admitted to our hospice area of the long term care facility. we go visit every day. I try to be strong and not worry and be upset while visiting, but i am soooo upset. I'm heartbroken and not ready to lose her. Even if i do have to lose her, I hate to know she's in pain and slowly leaving us each day and how scared she is. My dad has not been to see her which is also very upsetting, he's left this all to me and my 2 sisters to deal with and work through, the doctors, social workers, all of it. I'm sad and angry. I also lost my 28 year old daughter suddenly and traumatically in June 2020 and am still in counseling and trying to work through that... my husband is not able to help me much as he is also very traumatized by losing her. Once my mom is gone I feel like I want to just go away somewhere alone to heal. I've learned through all my losses that I can only rely on myself and find myself so disappointed in family and friends. Thank you for reading this far. Struggling badly these days.

Hello, I'm new. The losses I've had this year, I could be posting in multiple groups, but thought I would start here. I've had one huge loss in April 2020 that I am still reeling from. It was traumatic has forever changed myself and my husband. We are still reeling and both in counseling trying to work through it. My mother has also now been diagnosed with cancer and it is not treatable and has been given a few months. After my loss in April 2020, i was away from work for 3 months. After those 3 months I was ready to go back and needed the distraction. One thing i noticed though is that my ability to focus and deal with decisions and stressful situations has deteriorated. My patience is thin with trivial things that people stress about, and can normally handle that ok but sometimes get frustrated. I am a manager of a small crew of 4 and we are all pretty close and were co-workers before I moved into this position. I'm struggling with if I should talk to my HR dept or my manager (who's not easy to talk with, he worked the day after his own mother passed). At work I now need more time to process things. I find in meetings, I can't walk away with all the info, I need things in writing to read over a few times to wrap my head around the information. I need time to make a decision, I can't answer right away on some things that for me require thought. I feel like i'm not 100% at my job anymore and have been thinking I should look at stepping away into a position with less responsibility. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I love my job, and for the most part things are just fine, this is something that just sits in the back of my mind bothering me. Has anyone felt the same or gone through something similar? What did you do? I'm overwhelmed right now with losing my mom soon so things are even worse and I might be overthinking. Thank you in advance, sorry if I didn't include enough info.