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AnnieO

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Everything posted by AnnieO

  1. Pinkyspoon, I am so sorry about your mom. I lost both my parents 10 months apart..a few things you said really hit home for me. You said you are conditioning yourself not to cry, I did that too and ended up in a really bad place. I started seeing a grief therapist who helped me learn how to grieve. I was keeping it all inside. I avoided anyone that knew my mom or anyone that might talk about my mom. Even quit going to the guy that cuts my hair for 20 years, because he also did my mom's and really liked her. Don't stop talking about your mom, don't keep yourself from crying..as Deb said, it gets easier. you will adjust to your new normal. It always hurts but slowly the happy memories will get you thru the sad times. Keep coming here, it really helps. wonderful people here that will help. Keep talking.....take care of yourself.
  2. I am sorry for your loss. My parents died 10 months apart, in 2006 and 2007. I think its a good idea to see a counselor. I was really struggling until I found a good grief therapist. I can relate to all the feelings you are experiencing right now. Take good care of yourself, make sure you eat , sleep and some exercise helped me too. Even just taking a walk or bike ride. With time, things will get better....keep posting here, there are wonderful people here who understand.
  3. I planted 2 flowering crab trees with my parent's ashes. The first winter they were covered in ice, limbs broke off..etc...I was so worried about them. Last spring they were covered with some kind of worm. I didn't hold out much hope this spring. I was gone for the week-end, came home, had a really tough day and walked around the corner...the trees are full of flowers...just amazing!!! Took my breath away. Sat down by the trees and just felt close to my parents. Enjoy your signs.
  4. I have gone back and re-read my posts. I agree with Kay, it was good for me to see how far I have come. What was surprising to me was at the beginning I have no memory of writing some of my posts. Some of them were very scary to me because they didn't even seem as if it was me.
  5. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my parents 10 months apart...altho I was in my 40's...I know how hard this is. I wish I had words to help. This site was so helpful to me and I still come back when I need support. Keep coming here, read old posts...you are not alone. Take good care of yourself..you will get thru this, its a very long and difficult journey. Your parents are with you always and forever.
  6. Hello, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. My mom died Dec 06 and my dad died Oct 07. Somedays if feels like yesterday. As I read your post I could almost feel your pain and stress right thru my computer. For what its worth, I think you shouldn't put yourself thru the stress of adding the cat to your home. Right now you need to be taking care of yourself, not adding stress or any feeling of "failure"...it just sound like its too much for you right now and thats totally normal . Maybe the "cat lady" will keep her and she will have a good home there. You can only do so much right now and you don't need any more pressure or stress. I am a huge animal lover , 2 cats, 2 dogs, horses and a donkey...so I understand wanting to make it work , but take care of yourself right now, and don't add any more pressure to yourself.
  7. I am so sorry about your dad. Yes, I had to make some very tough decisions and I understand what you are saying. I remind myself all the time, " I did the very best that I could, at the time, with the information I had. I did what i thought was the right thing and thats all I could do". Please know you did too. You did the very best that you could. Don't second guess yourself, your dad knew you loved him and were taking care of him .
  8. RoRo So sorry for your loss. I don't come here, much anymore...but this site was a lifeline when I first lost my parents. My parents died 10 months apart, I was the main caregiver. I barely functioned the first 4 months, at that point I did start seeing a grief therapist. I honestly cannot remember much from that first year...I know I became totally withdrawn, even from my family. Slowly but surely I started to live again...to find joy again...to laugh..etc. I knew I would never be the same person I was before they died, and that I had to get used to my new "normal"...its a long journey but you will get to the other side. Take care of yourself.
  9. Your post was a beautiful tribute to your grandmother. My mom was a wonderful baker too....I recently came across an empty vanilla bottle , in a plastic bag. I knew I had kept it after she died ,but couldn't remember why. I took it out of the bag and held it up...then I remember why I kept it...there are perfect flour fingerprints all over the bottle, my mom's.
  10. We haven't "met' but I wanted to tell you that I am sure you are making your dad proud. Its been 4 years since my dad died and I still cannot look at pictures or watch videos ...I don't push myself to do that and I know someday I will be able to do that again. I am glad you were able to go with your friends and have fun, thats what your dad would want you to be doing.
  11. I haven't been on the site for a very long time. I don't recognize many of the names any longer, my heart goes out to all of you on this site. I know the journey you are on and the pain. My mom died Dec. 06, my dad died 10 months later. 4 years ago, today. I wish after all this time that I would have some powerful words to share, but as Marty told me the other day..."sometimes it helps people just to know you survived"...so thats why I am posting. I went back and read my posts and cannot remember writing the early ones. I did not think I could survive the loss , sadness and pain...but I did. I will never be the same person I was, I had to get used to a whole new "normal"..I still cry everyday but where I get my strength is thru my memories of my parents. I am now able to let the happy memories fill the hole left in my heart.I can talk about my parents with friends and family and we can all laugh at the funny stories. This site was such a blessing to me as I am sure it is to many of you. I met so many wonderful people here. I did end up going to a grief counselor and that was also something that helped me more than I can explain. I don't want to come across that I am "over it" or have it all figured out...I don't. I will never get "over it"...but I can walk outside, see the beautiful fall colors, I can take a deep breath finally, for so long I felt like I couldn't breathe..I can finally put a picture of my parents out(but only one so far) Still cannot watch dvd's of them or listen to their voices on anything..but..I try to find the joy in each day..and by doing this I know I am making my parents proud. Its my wish, that in some small way I have given someone here , what so many people on this site gave me..hope. Take care of yourselves, keep coming to this site.
  12. DebfromLodi, I haven't been on here for so long but I remember you. It was nice to see a familiar name. Its hard to see all the new names and know they are just starting out on this painful journey. My mom died in 2006 and my dad died 10 months later in 2007. I too would give anything for one more day with my parents. I explain it to friends that I am "not over" losing my parents , I will never get over it. I am just used to my new "normal" now. I can laugh, have fun and find joy in everyday...and I miss them everyday too. I hope you are doing well.
  13. Kath, So glad you had a happy day! I was smiling thru your entire post! Thanks for sharing.
  14. My mom died Dec.06. There are days where I will smile at a memory of her and there are days when the sadness and pain , brings me to my knees.
  15. Lizbeth I am glad you found this site, but sad that you had to. Keep posting, there are so many wonderful people here and it really does help. My mom died Dec 2006 and my dad died Oct. 2007. I understand when you said you feel like a middle-aged orphan, its an awful feeling. 3 months is not a very long time at all....I think I was in shock until around 4 months and then it really hit me hard. I kept everything inside and wanted people to see how strong I was. I ended up with post traumatic stress and found a great grief therapist who helped me face all of it and slowly let it out. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my parents and miss them terribly. But now my heart is filled with happy memories too. Take care of yourself, you need to let your feelings out. This is a safe place to do that...no-one will judge you and you will find people who are in the same situation. You will be in my thoughts.
  16. Sad for Dad I wish I had some words that might bring you comfort...I just wanted to know you are in my thoughts. You are not alone, keep posting here, it helps. I lost both my parents and like you, never thought I would be without my parents at this age. My kids are both now in college and I miss my parents even more. Take care of yourself.
  17. My mom saw small children too! Some mornings she would smile and tell me "it was hard to sleep, so many children running back and forth and laughing"...she was never upset by it.
  18. Carla, Your post sounded alot like my nights with my mom. Even if I had been with her during the day, I would go home, eat dinner and think about going to bed. Often, I would find msyelf getting back in the car and driving back to see her. I can still see her face when I walked back into her room at night...she did the same thing everytime...a huge smile, her eyes would tear up and she would say, "you are such a good daughter"...and everytime I hugged her and said, "and you are such a good mom"...then we would laugh and cry! Often she would reach up and twirl my hair, its funny, I find myself twirling my hair now, something I never did before. I remember there was a horrible period where she was trying to adjust to all the meds, she couldnt sleep for days and days, we ended up hiring a nurse to sit with her at night so I could get a little sleep. One morning I got there about 5am and I could tell my mom had been up all night and she was crying, she cried so hard when she saw me and said, "oh, you found me, I didn't think you would be able to find me" (the meds caused hallucinations). She said, "they wouldn't let me call you" I asked the nurse and she said, "well, she wanted to call you all night"...I called the agency, I posted signs all over my mom's room, HUGE signs with iinstructions that my mom could call me ANYTIME, as often as she wanted. And some nights she called me every few mintues, all night long. Talking about all of this , makes me feel better, it reminds me that I tried with my whole heart to help my mom , in the only way I knew how....I loved her and she knew it.
  19. Hi Deb, I am glad you understood, its hard to explain. I think so often we beat ourselves up with all the "should have, could have , would haves"...so it was such a nice feeling to realize during those nights, I did everything I could and it made her feel a little better , even for a moment. How are you doing these days?
  20. Today I had a flashback that I havent thought about since my mom died. It took my breath away and led to a grief burst, but I feel better about it tonight. It was like I went back in time and I was wide awake. When my mom was in the nursiing home, starting all the meds, she had such a horrible time...days of no sleep, hallucinations...etc. One of the side effects was , she was so jittery and could not keep her body still. My dad wanted her to just lay in bed and rest. I knew she couldnt, so everyday when it was my time to stay with her , I let her stand up, sit down, lay down, walk or what-ever , as often as she needed to. The memory I had was helping her into a wheelchair and going all over the nursing home, going up to the snack machines and getting something(which she never ate) and then we would go watch the birds in this huge cage . I did this so many times a night...and tonight as I sit here alone, missing her...I am so glad I did it. I am so glad I never said no or tried to talk her out of it. Sometimes I would just get her back in bed and she would need to move again..so off we would go on our "tour"...it makes me cry to think of it, but good tears because I was able to help her during those long , sad nights. This all just came flooding back to me today, I had forgotten those times. I remember her face when she would tell me she needed to move and how relieved she was when I would just smile and start helping her get up and comfortable. Thanks for listening.
  21. Think Spring I went thru this too. I couldnt stop thinking about the last few hours , it was like if I was awake, those thoughts just went thru my mind over and over and over...I didnt know how to stop it. I was lucky I had a great therapist and she helped me so much. I want to tell you this will stop...and slowly you will have the happy memories going thru your mind. I still have moments when the bad stuff starts in my head, but I try to take a deep breath and pull up a happy memory to replace the bad ones. I am so sorry you are going thru this. Take care.
  22. Hello I think I understand what you are going thru. My family went to the same place in FL for over 20 years. The year after my mom died (my dad was alive but too sick to go) we decided to go back. Hardest thing I ever did. It was such an emotional time, lots of anxiety, sobbing..etc. Everywhere I looked , was filled with memories. Now, having said that I want to tell you we still go every year and its such a place of comfort for me. I love being there and feel so close to my parents there. Sure, there are still moments that take my breath away. I have trouble watching sunsets, my mom's favorite part of the day. But after I got thru that first visit, I love being there. It was my parents favorite place.My brother does not like going back there, its too hard, so I guess its different for all of us. Its strange, I can go there but I cant drive by their house and havent since they died. I am so sorry you are going thru this. As always , you are in my thoughts and prayers.
  23. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I think I would feel the same way if I were in your situation. Wish I had some good advice...just wanted to say I wil keep you in my thoughts.
  24. I am so sorry for your loss. Glad you found this site, keep posting, it does help. There are so many kind, caring people here. I lost both my parents , 10 months apart, I know this is so hard...take care of yourself.
  25. Yes, I think many of us have had the feelings you are describing. Its so hard and I am so sorry you are going thru this. Yes, I think you should see someone and maybe Marty can help you figure out who you need to seee. I tried 2 therapists before I found the right one. The right one for me is a grief specialist, she is so wonderful and has helped me so much. Please dont wait any longer....as always you are in my thoughts.
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