saggybaggyeyes

I put a doggy treat on her grave this morning and told her I'm still thinking of her and how much I miss her. A few months ago I adopted a yorkie from a rescue. He is helping me accept that life is worth living in the now. Another little one is loved and played with and taken on trips. Another listening ear and nuzzler that loves to be stroked and talked to. It still hurts to lose but I still have much to gain in loving another. Bless you all for being there in a lonely agonizing time of hurt.

You are carrying a heavy load my friend . Losing any friend that you could tell your deepest secrets too, like all your other friends who passed on can bring on so much shock, the feeling of helplessness, anger and every other emotion just rolls on it seems ...indefinitely. It's hard to hold onto hope, but I encourage you to try to look ahead. There are things in life we cannot change. We can accept it as a big loss in our lives. Acceptance that life will move on, with us or without us. Take care of yourself. Get plenty of sleep and if you are prone to depression, please get help. You have a bundle of woe that's pulling you down. Time, patience, hope. ((((Navyblue))))

Americans, as with many other western cultures, we love our animals as our children for the most part. There will be the sporting type owners who look to them as nothing but working animals but I'm sure at some point they do have a respectful relationship as a working pack. There are however, many cultures who would not look at a dog, let alone pet one. In cultures where this is changing there are conflicts within those societies, be it as rejecting tribal or religious law, or cultural norms, pet owners are seen as strange and clashes occur when the governments back tradition rather than humane values. Those countries usually coincide with human rights violations as well, so animals are at the bottom of the heap when it comes to a right to live. There is also the other extreme. The people who feel that all slaughtered food animals should live. I'm finding it hard to find a compromise in my mind a sense of mediation about all the people's of the world regarding animals? I don't consider myself strange to grieve about a companion animal, yet I can eat a steak with no conscious. A Hindu would be appalled. We are a product of our culture and many things have to be worked out. I wish my mind was smart enough to build bridges to understanding.

All living creatures have distinct personalities. They are just like people. You'll have to introduce yourself to your brother's new friends and cherish them for who they are. I'm sorry you lost your old friends. Your memory of them will help you remember the good times.

It's May 22 2007 There are still alerts going on with contaminated pet food everyday. I think it's best to list what pet foods are NOT on the recall list at this point in time. http://www.thepetfoodlist.com/ I was feeding Babe the Iams packets and she was vomiting and feeling terrible so I'm sure what little time she had, the food did send her over the edge a bit quicker. I changed food immediately when she became 'more ill than normal' and started feeding her human baby food and brown rice. Her health did improve enough that she was more comfortable. What I regret the most was I gave the rest of the unused Iams lamb and gravy and beef and gravy to the animal shelter after she died. When I called to alert them, they told me they were donated food from Iams on a regular basis. I shouldn't feel guilty over a few packages when they were donated so much from the company itself. For all who have lost their companions, I know the guilt and disgust of it all. Regulatory standards must be met, otherwise food in general will all be based on the profit margin and not on quality. The Chinese company ChemNutro, was American owned. I find it hard to believe that shipping from China to the processing plant in Canada is cheaper than buying north American ingredients. I also find it distressing that a culture who airs television ads for dog meat and have existing conflicts of a culture that looks down on pet owners as bizarre behavior can be allowed to produce pet food? If you go to Snopes.com and search China St.Bernards you'll find that it's true.

DaisyMae, the picture I took of her was about a month before she died. She was losing weight fast and I could tell by the look in her eyes she was getting weary. I was sitting here re-reading my own posts and 'reliving' it again but I am getting better at controlling my emotions. Having a full time job helps me occupy my time but when I get home I still feel kind of stuck in a rut. My motivation to get things done isn't as good as it used to be. You're lucky to have a furbaby to hold on to, it does make it easier with some life in the house. I have a finch, but he's not the same as a dog, although he does 'greet me' when I walk through the door. It does get easier with time and it does come and go at irrational times. In the meantime I'll be 'waiting for my prince to come'. I've been looking through petfinders and the animal shelter to see what pulls my heartstrings. Take care.

Being careless for just a moment is a terrible burden to bear and I'm so happy you could save another. I've had a few friends tell me that the next dog in my life might walk up to me and say hello when I least expect it...just like with a man, love at first sight. When my spitz died, my husband and I grieved over him. Then a year went by and I heard about the puppy farm raid on the news. All the dogs and puppies were in pitiful condition and eleven of the fifty three had to be put to sleep immediately. There was a 'puppy lotto' of sorts by the animal shelter. People could take a number and have first pick when the court order was lifted. My number was fifty one. I thought I didn't have a chance so I forgot about it. About a month later,on the third of December 1995, I got a call that I could come pick out a dog, there were no puppies left. I told them my number was higher than the dogs they had and they said there were a lot of 'no-shows'. I told the husband where I was going and he scoffed that he didn't want another dog. I told him it was going to be my Christmas present. She was 'my dog' till the day she died but he admits it was the best dog we ever had. There are times in my married life when I have to take that first step or it won't get done. (Just like home improvement projects...if I threaten to hire somebody he gets off his duff to do something. lol! Opportunity will come knocking one day and I hope I have enough sense to see it coming. Thanks for 'listening'.

Yes, me and the husband have been together for thirty six years, but due to our snoring problems we haven't slept together for years. lol! Time is passing by too slowly. The house seems so lifeless and dull. I've been entertaining ideas of finding another rescue. I almost took a trip to see one and the husband said it was too soon and he "doesn't want to go through that again". I can open my heart to another much easier than he can. I was looking for a toy breed that had a much more independent personality than a maltese. I always felt guilty when I left her home for any reason because of her separation anxiety. She used to wail like a wounded cow if I slipped out the door to work in the garden. Is it wrong to think of taking on another little lost soul so soon? Death is so much a part of living, no one will escape it. I might as well love while I can.

In the month that has passed I've wondered what to do with my new found 'freedom'. I often find the loneliest times are when I go to bed and when I get up in the morning. I can fill the inner hours occupying myself with work but coming home is the most difficult . Instead of coming straight home I joined a fitness gym. It's helped to keep me moving instead of sitting around depressed. I took all her toys,her bed, pet carriers, her left over shampoos/conditioners, eye wash, ear powder, ear wash and left over beef and lamb baby food(it's lower in salt than regular dog food). Grooming tools and grooming noose for a grooming table. Nail clippers and sweaters to the Animal Shelter. I collected all my favorite photos of her and made a collage in a 16 X 20 frame. It hangs on my bedroom wall with other table pictures of her and I burn a candle for her every day. It's hard to say when I'll ever get another 'soulmate'. I could never expect the same relationship I had with her in another. Personality-wise,they are just like people. All the dogs of my past have been rescues, whether stray, neglected or mistreated by others. All their deaths were profound and earthshaking. It's hard to put a time limit on grief but it averages for me about a year and a half, maybe longer for Babe, she was the best dog I ever had the pleasure to know deeply.

Thank you for responding. I thought I was doing OK, but one week went by. Saturday morning I was coming back from shopping, about the same time as the Saturday before, listening to the same Celtic music on the radio, taking the same route...it triggered everything all over again and the tears were so heavy I had to pull off the side of the road to compose myself because I couldn't see the road. Last Thursday and Friday at work a few paid their condolences and dreaded the day their own dog would have to pass on but those days just seems a blur I was still so numb. I can still feel her watching me when I eat...(I always gave her a tidbit of something) She never lost her appetite all the years I had her. I really wanted to be with her when she died but I walked out the door too soon! I didn't want her to die alone.

((((Ram)))) I just posted for my first time here too and I thought my pain was deep losing my little girl. I truly feel your pain to lose two best friends, and especially so close to the holidays.

I found her stiff, cold, half opened eyes, black tongue Saturday morning when I came home from the Vet's office to get another bottle of BetaBlocker for her congestive heart. I knew it was coming. Her seventeenth birthday was last month. She was having convulsions coming out of naps and Friday afternoon when I got home from work she collapsed on the bed. I picked her upright so she could breathe better and I stroked her for hours until my arm ached. I didn't expect Saturday morning for her to be alive, but she surprised me. We had breakfast and she took her last pill. She had gotten up that morning barking at my husband like she usually did. She would hop over from the couch to a cedar chest and back over. She was acting very active.....then I left for the Vet's office.... She was a maltese. I found her at the animal shelter. They estimated her to be five years old and had been through a terrible life wading through maggots and feces at a puppy farm. The animal shelter had her listed as a 'white/apricot' maltese mix. I knew I had a diamond in the rough and after many trips to a groomer she magically became a snow white 'Babe'. And this Babe had found her mommy. She had been with me for twelve years. She became my shadow. We went everywhere a facility would let us in. She never left my side and would get terribly upset if she couldn't find me, which I believe was what took her down forever. I've stayed home for four days doing nothing but uncontrollable crying. I have one more personal leave day before I have to go to work and face the outside world without my little girl. I feel frozen and dead and can still sense her presence but when I look around she's not there. I'm a believer in non-exclusion. I don't believe in hell and I can't believe that animals can be less valuable to this world than a human being for we are also animals. I dug a grave in the middle of my garden, rolled her in a woven shroud of tulips and butterflies with her favorite toy and lowered her into the four and half ft. deep hole with a satin ribbon. I had dug and cried so hard my head felt like it was going to explode and I felt sick to my stomach and hadn't ate anything all day. I took a couple of tylenol and went to bed. When my husband got home that night. I had to tell him and we both cried. He's now worried about me because I've still crying about her. I've often wondered what I'm going to do with my time? I think my biggest dread is walking thru my front door and each time she isn't there. Maybe that's why I haven't wanted to leave the house?[attachmentid=96][attachmentid=97][attachmentid=97] smilingbabe.bmp