Minerva

Your thoughts here describe much of what I'm feeling now. It's been just two weeks and already I have noticed that places and things and interests we shared now have lost their savor. I can't talk to him anymore about any of the things we enjoyed together, and those memories hold more pain than pleasure now because I am the only one alive who remembers them. Does that make any sense? It's like my past and the experiences we had together have been erased by his death, the present is full of despair, and the future is dull and gray.

Intellectually, I know he's gone for good, yet emotionally it feels as if he's just on a business trip and will be home soon. But it's been only two weeks. I think I'm still in denial. I thought I might want to move out because there would be so many memories triggered by staying in the house we shared for decades. That does happen, but so far I've managed to shut them down and I have had no urge to flee. Yes, the emptiness that is left after he died is very depressing and the loneliness is sometimes unbearable. He was larger than life and without his presence, the house feels like an empty theatre after the leading man has left the stage forever.

I just lost him four days ago and I am having to avoid certain areas of the house where he spent most of his time, like the living room and even the kitchen. He should be there, and he's not, and I dread being there without him. We shared two dogs and two cats and they have become my reason for getting up in the morning.