I am happy to have found this page, I know I am needing help. Over the last 2 1/2 years I have lost my father, my uncle, my nephew, my stepmother, and found my best friend dead, and lost my mother in December of 2020. I use to hear a lot of stories of people having to deal with this kind of situation, but never thought I would be one of them.
My mother was diagnosed with cancer and I was her caregiver for 4 years before I lost her. I believe that I never dealt with loosing her because of all my other losses. I know I buried it because of dealing with so much. I could go on and on about how close my mother and I were, and how we were best friends and did everything together, everyday. ( I lived on the same property as her) However, I know I need to talk about how I have "not" been dealing with it. When I first lost her in the first year I became suicidal and struggled to keep it under control. I know I would never follow through with it because of my deep faith. I spent several days praying begging God to take away my pain. I strongly feel he has helped me, however, I have just buried so many other emotions that I have just gotten to the point where I just don't care. I feel like that because of so many people leaving me in a short amount of time that I am just waiting for the next tragedy to happen. I know this is all part of life, but I am unmotivated, I force myself to get up and go to work. I am going thru the motions of life but not really living. I pretend to be happy when inside everything has been taken out of my soul. I have no support system, my sister's have their own problems and worries. (For sure, the one that has lost a son.) So, I don't want to burden them with problems. If someone out there has any words of wisdom or advise I am eager to hear it. I never thought that at this point of my life I would be dealing with so much grief.
Thank you for taking the time to read my long post. And thank you for allowing me a space where I can read advice and/or other experiences, to hopefully find my own answers.
