Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Lil Viper

Contributor
  • Posts

    9
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Lil Viper

  1. babette, I lost my father April 3,2003 age 50, to a sudden massive heart attack. I agree that it is very difficult to lose someone to a sudden death as we have. The shock is so overwhelming. When he first died all I wanted to do is die myself. I currently am over the suicidal feelings. But I still feel as if I'm going to die from the pain at times. It is so hard, I haven't been the same since I lost him. I am a different person now. We'll never be the same again. But things will look up for you in time. I've forgot about my dad being gone and I would start to call him. Then I would catch myself and fill his loss all over again. You will forget sometimes and do things that seem natural. Just give yourself time and you will start to heal. I have improved alot since I've been posting online. There are people who care and can relate to you. Your sister and mother seemed like they were wonderful people. And it does seem unfair that god takes our special loved ones. I know that the experience of losing my dad has totally consumed me. A part of me died with him. I hope you can find a way to overcome the terrible feelings you have. Try to be there for the rest of your family. They need your love and support. Keep sharing your feelings, it will help. Thinking of you, Lil' Viper
  2. Wendy, I am so sorry to hear about what your going through. That had to be so devasting for you and your husband. I don't know exactly what your going through, but I have miscarried before. I was 4 months and had to have a -DNC-. Although I didn't carry to term, I still was heartbroken. It took me a long time to forgive myself. I thought it was because of something I did or could have prevented. But really there is no way to know what is going to happen. My father passed away 3 months ago and I've been having a hard time. I know how bad loss feels. The pain is so unbearable. I'm sure your husband wouldn't mind if you woke him at night. You need to reach out to him. His love will help you. You will drive yourself crazy trying to remember the last time your baby kicked. You need to know that is wasn't your fault. All kinds of things happen in pregnancy that we don't understand. There is no way you could have known. I know what you mean about things feeling like their getting worse now instead of better. I feel that way about my dad. I guess the shock has wore off, and now we have to deal with the reality of never seeing them again. I can't get use to the idea of him being gone. I miss him so much. Just remember to take as much time as you need. You can write me any time you want to. There are people who care. Bst wishes to you and your family. Lil' Viper
  3. I can't seem to snap out of this depression I've been in for a few days. I guess it comes and goes. My dad did die suddenly, of a massive heartattack. My mom said he was fine that day, and she didn't have a clue what was going to happen. He was sitting in his recliner, and she was in the next room (the kitchen) making him lunch. All the sudden she heard him gasping for air. She went to him and he was almost gone, so she started CPR. She's a nurse so she did everything she could to save him. She was the only one there at the time. It really bothers her because she couldn't save him. So she watched him die right in front of her. I try to reach out to her, but she tries to do it all on her own. It was difficult for me, because I just seen him the day before and he was fine. He hadn't been sick. So we didn't know anything was going to happen. I believe it being so sudden and unexpected is why it was so hard for me to accept his death. But it would have klled me to watch him suffer and just wait for him to die, like you had to. I hope you can relax when you go to the beach. I know it will be hard. But like you said he will be there with you. Maybe that will be a comfort to you. I haven't really read any books yet. Up until recently I haven't been able to go anywhere or do anything without breaking down. People would look at me like I was crazy. But I can deal with things a little better now. So I'm going to start reading all I can. I hope it helps, because I don't know what else to do. Thanks for being there. Lil' Viper
  4. It's great that you have a new baby in your family. He will need all the love that you have to offer. Maybe you can find some happiness. I woke up today missing my dad like crazy. I haven't had a very good day. I've felt so down and alone. I feel so different since my dad died, like I've changed some. Do you feel like you've changed? I don't know maybe it's the depression making me feel the way I do. I haven't lost anyone close to me before, so I really don't know how I'm suppose to be feeling. I hope things will begin to look up, today was a real drag.
  5. georgek, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. You must be devasted. That's a terrible way to lose anyone. Losing a child has to be the hardest thing in life to cope with. I recently lost my dad. I know how terrible it feels to lose someone dear to you. I've been having an awful time myself. It is great that you have turned to God. Hopefully you will be able to find some comfort in him. Best Wishes Lil' Viper
  6. mermangel10416, The nights are hard for me as well. The thoughts of my dad race through my mind making it impossible to relax and get to sleep. I believe the nights are hard for alot of people. I still sleep long hours. Some say it's where my mind and body are wore out from being depressed. Most of my hard times are after I wake up. I used to call my dad every day before he died. Sometimes, I start to call him until I remember or my husband reminds me that he's gone. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks all over again. No, I haven't made a Dr. appointment yet. I know I need to, and I will. I'll also keep you posted on how it goes. How have you been? Hang in there! Lil' Viper
  7. Please don't blame yourself for simply loving your dad with all your heart. I understand him being a private man as alot of people are including myself. I really don't think it added to his suffering having his beloved family with him. He needed you guys to be there. He knew he could count on you, to give him the love and support he needed. I'm sure it done nothing but show him he meant everything to his family, as well as comforted him. He possibly knew what was going to happen to him. The fear of dying and being in so much pain was indeed terrible for him. But your family did nothing but make it easier for him to bear. I believe he felt lucky and blessed to have you there. It also wasn't selfish at all to want to be there. Wild horses wouldn't have kept anyone away at a time like that. Don't feel bad about that. Focus on all the love you made him feel in his last days. When someone dear is taken it is so easy to blame god. I blamed him for taking my dad from me at such a young age. This was also my first experience with death. And it has really destroyed me. Try not to blame yourself or feel guilty. You've done nothing wrong. Your daddy needed his family desperately. You are lucky to have a close family who is there for each other. You are also blessed to have a wonderful husband and son. Wrap yourseff up in them, and try not to dwell on things you shouldn't. Your family is special for being there for your dad when he needed you most. You may email me at boo_katt2000@yahoo.com or continue posting your feelings and progress here for we really do care! Lil' Viper
  8. I am afraid of taking anti depressants, for I fear they will only mask the true feelings I need to feel. I'm afraid that when I stop taking them all the feelings I've ignored through medication will still be there. I've researched several drugs and they all seem to have severe side effects. Do you personally know if they've helped anyone, or do they just prolong the grief process? Do the benefits really out weigh the risk of the side effects? I've heard of some cases where they do more harm than good. The grief has eased up a little more now than when he first died. Being able to talk, and get my feelings out seem to help me some. I know it is a long, hard road. I'm afraid I won't make it, but I'm really trying to. His death has been so overwelming. I know everyone goes through it at some point or other in their life. I just want to be one of the poeple that make it through it safely. Thank you for trying to help. Just writing to me with encourgement really helps. Lil' Viper
  9. I am currently suffering from depression. I lost my father in April 2003. My emotions are defiently on a "roller coster". I can't seem to have a decent day no matter how hard I try. All I do is sleep. Ever since he died I sleep sometimes nineteen hours at a time. People say it's because I'm so depressed it wears me down. I've also been getting sick alot lately. They also say it's due to my immune system being weak from grief. I've thought about taking anti depressants. Do you think they would help me? I've heard bad and good things about them. Where my dad just passed away two months ago, I don't know if I should try to get through this on my own or relie on something else. I'm always confused I can't think straight half the time. I think I may be going crazy. But I do find it helpful just writing down how I feel. I think of my dad the first thing when I wake up and the last thing before sleeping. I really haven't had a problem sleeping. The problem is I sleep to much. And I can't make myself get up half the time, my husband has to drag me out of the bed. I don't have any children, so I don't know how to make myself move on. Right now I am to scared to move on. I feel like my idenity is gone and I don't know who I am anymore, or where I belong for that matter. It's been said that I am just like my dad. I miss him so much. I know everyone says it will get easier in time, but tell me again in about a year. Maybe it will then. But right now I want to die. I'm afraid I'm going to get so far gone I won't be able to find my way back to life. I was very suicidal after he died. I don't want to die now, but sometimes the pain is so intense I consider it. I'm hoping being in a support group will help me find my way back to myself. I'm also very worried about my mom. She won't seem to reach out to anyone. She's already had a nervous break down, and had to spend days in the hospital. I'm so afraid for her. There's nothing I can do that helps. I'm scared she will end her own life. I would be doomed. There would be no hope for me then. The stress is killing me!
×
×
  • Create New...