acasey06

Thank you all for your stories, as sad as they are and as much as I can sympathize, it feels good to be able to relate to someone. I get so bitter now when I hear my friends complain of a petty fight they have with their parents and how much they "hate" them. I feel like giving them a reality smack because I always envied the relationships they had/have. Gitane, I enjoyed listening to you because I really related when you said that your mothers negativity pushed you to be professionally succesful. My mom was so depressed that she worked a part time job, WITH THREE KIDS, at a retail store. I worked more hours then her! Thankfully my dad payed child support and we were able to live normally, but we were not as "comfortable" financially as I would want. Seeing my mom sleep all day untill 5 in the afternoon everyday because she was too depressed to get herself out of bed, and when she would she would go to her 4 hour shift a night job enraged me. This is also why we didnt get along, I thought she lacked responsibilty and was extremely lazy and took advantage of the child support my father sent. What would she do if he never sent the money? I always promised myself I would never have to rely on another person finacially, and have pushed myself academically to ensure that I keep that promise to myself. Also I have extreme money anxiety and save every penny. Its very hard to forget all the bad times, even though there were some good. Also Gitane I dont know why you needed forgiveness from your mother, you sound like you did everything you could for her and you should not feel guilty for her depression. Moon, I am sorry for your losses but as much as you may be depressed and feel guilt I cannot tell you how strong you are to have dealt with all of that in your life. I think one of the best compliments you can give someone is to tell them they are strong. I hope and look forward to talking to you all more.

Ive come to this site to find some people who can relate to me because you feel so alone when you loose someone so close. Im 19, and I lost my mom to suicide last september (2006) She was always depressed, but who doesnt have depression these days? Some days were better then others and sometimes she talked of suicide. My parents divorced when I was very young and we always lived with my Mom. I never got along with her because I am a positve person and she was always negative, we never had a good relationship. I have a brother, 16 and a sister, 13 who were her favorites and she treated them like angels. My self esteem went down because of her, and she always told me she hated me. I am a good student with good grades, I go to college, and in highschool I stayed out of trouble and worked a part time job. I bought my own car, payed my own bills but I was always a bad child in her eyes. Now that she has passed away I still am fighting all this inner anger and resentment towards her. I want to forgive her and love her, because many people blamed her illness for her actions, but it is so hard to try and erase all the bad memories. Im hoping that someone can give me advice or support because none of my friends can relate and they dont know what to say which leaves me feeling extremely alone.