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christine

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Everything posted by christine

  1. I'm 28, it's been 6 months now since I watched my mom die of cancer. Loseing her has shattered my life, she was the only person in this world that ever understood me and loved me for who I am, not what they want me to be. I not only lost her but I lost all my friends and relatives, it just seems like they can't handle it. They don't know what to say or how to act so they just stay away, even my best friend since we were kids won't even phone me, she trys to keep our conversations to short emails. I had to tell another friend that I've known since we were kids goodbye because she only thought of herself and never considered what I was going through. I know they don't know what I'm going through but how hard is it to pick up a phone and say hey how are you doing? I don't even really need a phone because it never rings. My Dad and sisters never want to talk about it, so I'm all alone in this world now and all I can do is cry. It's the long weekend and the few people that are still in my life don't want to do anything with me, so I'm at home in my housecoat crying. I can still smile and have fun why does noone want me around? All my life I've been there for everyone now that I need them they are gone. What should I do? Should I just learn to live life alone now? I feel betrayed by everyone in my life and by life itself for takeing my Mom away. I'm scared that there is nothing left for me in this life, what should I do?
  2. I lost my beautiful Mom to cancer 4 months ago, she was diagnosed and 3 months later she was gone, she was only 48. I still cry everyday and sometimes I just can't beleive what has happened and I just want to wake up from this nightmare, feels like I'm in a Freddy Crueger movie or something. I can't beleive the emotions and thoughts that I am capable of, I could never have guessed before this happened. I have been through horrible anger, sadness, guilt and so many other feelings. Now four months later I still feel all these things but I am starting to see a little bit more clearly through the fog. My mom sacraficed so much to be my Mom and made sure that I had a wonderful childhood and a best friend as an adult, all she wanted for me was happiness and a wonderful life, so I have to go on and try for a happy life. It's not easy, I wish I could just slide under the covers and hide from this seemingly cruel world. Anyway those are my honest true feelings and I want you to know that I too have gone through serious fights and anger with relatives and so called friends. You really see a persons true being when they are faced with something like this. My Mom's sister has actually said to me and my sisters that we do not respect our Mother's memory. She is horrible, and has absoulutley no grounds to say these things. It was over material things passed down to us, she wants them for herself I think and is mad about that. Anyway you can't imagine someone especially your Mom's sister and best friend saying this to you. Well the anger has torn me apart but I've realized that my health is the most important thing and I'm afraid that if I let this anger and sadness eat at me, well I'm afraid that I will get sick. My Mom did not care about material things. My advise to you is to try to remember what was really important to your Mom. If your relatives choose to behave in a horrible way you can't control that, all you can control is how you feel and live the rest of your life. Well I certainly don't have all the answers but I just wanted you to know how I'm trying to get through things. Take care of yourself, cause your health is # 1.
  3. Three months ago my mom was diagnosed with pancreas cancer that had spread to the bone. My sisters, aunt and myself took care of her 24 hours a day since then, we watched her suffer and weaken and now she's gone. I'm 27 and have two younger sisters and my dad, they were married for 30 years and very happy. My mom was only 48 and I feel so cheated. We were told she only had months but somehow I don't think I really accepted it. I do thank God for giving us Christmas with mom, we did have some very special times over the past month. Now that she's gone I feel so alone and afraid, I don't know how I'm supposed to live and what does getting back to normal really mean? I don't think there is any such thing as normal anymore. She really was my best friend and I could count on her for anything. It seems my sisters are dealing with it better than me, maybe because they have boyfriends. The few close friends I have seem to be pulling away because I don't think they know what to say or how to act. My aunt and I had a really bad email war because tensions had been building, she said some horrible things to me. I'm so afraid that I will not be able to function normally ever again, how am I supposed to go back to work and be productive and cheerful? Everyone says that I should go back to work right away, but I don't know if that is the right decision for me, can anyone help me with this? Well if anything, there is some comfort in knowing that someone may read this and know what I'm going through, because honestly before this happened to my family I had never given this type of thing any thought, life was just going great for us.
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