Thanks Janine, My heart is hurting constantly. I feel like I have let him down because I should have been more aware of what was happening with my brother. He looked to thin and ill. Why didnt I respond and do something - I cant believe I was so blind. Everytime I asked he said that he was ok and was on top of things, it turns out he was in serious debt and working 80hr weeks to stay afloat. No-one knew as we live in Ireland and he lived in the UK. Theres the route of it I should never have moved away in the first place and left my baby brother there. Now I am minus one brother and the better half of me. I spoke to a friend online last night and she suggested an interesting theory. She said that he had completed all he had to do here and it was time to move on - Its a nice notion but I still feel ripped apart. I found this poem on the web for you - for the loss of your sister. I am truly, truly sorry. "I'll send you for a little time A child of mine, He said, For you to love for the time he lives And mourn for when he's dead. It may be forty or fifty years, Or even two or three But will you, till I call him back, Take care of him, for me? He'll bring his charms to gladden you, And should his stay be brief, You'll have his lovely memories As solace for your grief. I cannot promise he will stay, Since all from earth return, But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn. I've looked this wide world over In my search for teachers true. And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have selected you. Now, will you give him all your love, Nor think the labor vain, Nor hate me when I come to call To take him back again." I fancied that I heard him say, 'Dear Lord thy will be done.' For all the joy thy child shall bring, The risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter him with tenderness, We'll love him while we may And for the happiness we've known, Forever grateful stay. But should the angels call for him Much sooner than we've planned, We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, And try to understand."