This is the hardest thing I have ever went through...My sister was 33. She died due to an overdose of methadone and cocaine. I was really hard on her when she was here, I mean really hard on her. I have a son who is five...we (SHE AND I) grew up in a family of alcoholics and I have tried very hard to keep him far away from that lifestyle...therefore I didn't see her very often and when I did she and I would always end up in an argument. She left behind two teenage boys, which was one of the reasons I was so angry with her. I did not want them to be in that enviroment and DHS never got involved the way I thought they should(like you would see on tv) Anywa I am rambling..I guess I was so mad at her while she was alive that I am constantly defending her (although I know she was wrong) While making funeral arrangementS I would break down because I couldn't find clothes that I thought she would like. I know that probably sounds weird but I constantly felt like I was letting her down in some way (again) I still feel an extreme amount of Guilt for being so mean as if I was better than her because I didnt do drugs. Thats not what I thought. I just wanted to be close with her. That was all I ever wanted and I thought I would have plenty of time. I DIDNT. sO NOW TRYING TO JUST GET THRU A DAY WITHOUT A BREAK DOWN IS STILL A CHALLENGE. MY son is not dealing with it well and I am not helping.(although I dont get upset in front of him) Now he is scared his mommy is going to die too because my nephews are usually upset. I am 24 and I am just not sure of what to do anymore. I make sure to let them all see just enough tears to know that it is okay to cry, but I WILL NOT allow myself to break down in front of them Im the adult I need to be there for them. Anyway rambling again any suggestions would be most appreciated. Thank you