4MBF

Well I haven't been here for a while and I'll have to be brief even now. The loss of Montoya will probably reverberate through me for the rest of my life. There are good moments and bad/sad moments. I miss her tremendously and always will. We had a good life together and in the last year or so I was preparing myself for her eventual death, although nothing was wrong at that time. So I did things with her with that in mind and tried to make them mean even more. A lot has been going on lately and when I have time I will share that. Thanks to all who contribute to this site because it helped me and I know it helps others as well. Take care, Steve

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just recently had to put my dog to sleep so I understand what you might be feeling.

Hi Shelley, Many years ago I had a dog put to sleep and I regret the way I did it. I just took her to the human society, gave her to a stranger and said that she need to be put to sleep. I took this dog that I had raised from a pup and loved dearly, put her in a strangers arms asked for her to be put to sleep and walked away. I left her in the last moments of her life alone with strangers. That was 19 years ago and I still feel bad and remorseful about it to this day. Go be with your friend, who cares what anybody else thinks. When I put Montoya to sleep recently I didn't think twice about being there for her. She had been there for me many times. It was the least I could do for her. I talked to her as her eye lids got heavy from the affects of the tranqulizer and I watch her breathing slow after the vet gave her the final dose. I rubbed head as her breathing stopped. I kissed her head, said "Namaste" and "I'll see you later" and "I love you". I asked the vet to let me help him with her body. I covered her body with the blanket that he used after we put her body on the (stretcher/transporter) he used. I helped carry her to his pickup and said goodbye one last time. It wasn't easy but I feel satisfied that I did the best I could for her that day and during the previous week. I took off from work and did the best I could to be with her and nursemaid her. I don't reget any of it. It was the least I could do for her as well as for the memory of Princess, the dog I put to sleep 19 years ago. I know your situation isn't the same but try not to let something happen that might haunt you later in life. Be with your friend if you think it's best for you as well as your friend. Take care, Steve

Stoo, Thanks so much for your support through this. I will let you know about the website as soon as we get it up fuctioning properly. Take care, Steve

Thanks for your thoughts and kind words Marty. Also thanks for articles, I will read them. Every little bit of info seems to help in some way. Yes we are in the process of exploring various ways to memorialize Montoya. She will be cremated and we will have an urn made for her. Yesturday I went out to the mountains where we let her go and had a small vigil for her at the same time of the day that she pasted. We are also going to setup a website dedicated to her. I think it will be therapeutic for my daughter and I. In time I think it will have sections for other past pets as well as future pets. But the main theme will be based on Montoya. There other things that we will probably do also. For now we are just going to take it one day at a time. She is already teaching me things about life. Through our relationships with animals they have a way of teaching us things. Funny how that works. I really can't imagine life without her. She was and is truely a special dog to us. In time I will get another dog but I will get through my grief for Montoya first. Thanks and Take care, Steve

Thanks Annie, yes she's a beautiful dog. Her personality and loyalty matched her physical beauty. It's going to be difficult not having such beauty and grace around anymore. Thanks, Steve

Thanks Lori, Yes she was a member of the family. And that's how it feels. Steve

Hi Starkiss, I can't really give you any advice on your situation and I hope that you can get to a comfortable place with this for yourself. Mainly I just wanted to let you know that I am their with you as far as making a choice that you regret or wonder if it was the right one regarding a pet. I made a choice 19 yrs ago regarding a pet that to this day I still scratch my head and ask "what was I thinking". A day doesn't go by that I don't think about it. That choice will haunt me until the day I die. Just do the best you can. Take care, Steve

We let go of Montoya on Sunday at 1:20 pm MT. God gave us a beautiful day in the Colorado mountains to let her go. Although her energy levels were quite diminished I feel and hope that she enjoyed her last moments being in one of her favorite places. The vet was very gentle and repectful to Montoya as well as to us. And he gave us all the space we needed when we needed it. Here are some pics of Montoya. One when she was about 4 yrs and the others are about a month ago not far from her favorite spot where we let her go. Take care, Steve

To Marty, Annie, Stoo, avsqr dancer,and others who have had my dog "Montoya" and I in their thoughts and prayers, thankyou very much. It means a lot to know that you care. The news from the vet isn't good though. She has a bleeding tumor on her spleen thus her weakness. He said we could do an emergency Op ASAP and for her strength and age she had about a 50/50 chance of pulling through it ok. However, he also said that it would depend on how far it has spread throughout her body. I asked his gut level opinion of the situation and he said if she were his he would probably let her go with some dignity. Of course my daughter and I are devestated. But we have agreed with his opinion. She's had a good life and she dosen't seem to have the sparkle in her eye's anymore. As hard as it is for me I believe, she's probably ready to move on and it's time to let her go. So either tomarrow or Sunday we are going to take her to a spot in the mountains west of where we live and let her go there. We've taken her there many times and she likes it there so I feel it would be the best way and place to let her go. I am beside myself over this but I will be ok... in time. Thank you avsqr dancer for what you have shared it means a lot. Marty, in time I may PM you with some brief questions if that's ok? Once again thanks to all of you for your support. I'm familiar with support groups because of another aspect of my life and I know "it takes one to understand one". Mutual experience makes all the difference in understanding. I'll be in touch and I'll be around. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers for our precious Montoya. Please continue them as she moves on to what is next for her spirit. Take care, Steve

This is a concern of mine with the recent illness of my dog. I don't have a high suspicion just because of her recent eat habits and what she has been consuming. Also the best I can tell any canned food she has ate recently dosen't appear to be on the list but I also think the list is extensive and hard to decifer. The vet did say that her kidneys and liver appear to be ok. However I will inquire more on the subject when he comes out later today. Steve

danslady, There's not much I can say other than I'm really sad for you with your loss and that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Steve

Hi Stoo Thanks so much for your thoughts and support. Yes she is loved very much and I'm sure she's aware of that. Dogs are pretty intuitive and I'm sure she has learned to read me like I've learned to read her. I told her that I will fight for her and with her and try to beat this. Per my vets request I called him earlier today with info on my dogs condition. Basiclly I told him that although she's hasn't improve much (my daughter thinks she's better) she hasn't gotten worse either. He felt then that it would be ok for him to wait until tomarrow as planned to come out again and look at her. He definately wants to investigate her anemic condition better. We will just steadily work at this one step at a time and do the best we can to beat it. Again thanks to you and the others for your thoughts and support, it helps. Take care, Steve

Hi Annie, Thanks so much for your thoughts and support. It helps and I/we need it. Also, I am sorry for your loss, that amount of a loss all at once can't be easy. My thoughts and prayers are with you as well. Thanks, Steve

Hi Marty, Thanks for your response. The vet was out today and said she was pretty sick and said that there is several possible causes. She's just very lethargic and some what disorientied. He took a blood sample and did some tests and called later with news that her liver and kidneys are ok. Through his physical exam as well as the blood work he did note that she is anemic or slightly anemic. Also he thinks she's retaining excessive liquid in her stomach and might have a stomach infection. I think at this point we are just trying to narrow it down to what might be the problem. He has prescibed some meds to help with the infection and he whats to know how she's doing on Wed. and he will wait to look at her again until Thur if she doesn't get any worse. It is really difficult and I have no idea what the immediate future has in store for us. I'm certainly scared, sad, heartbroken and all sorts of other feelings that probably don't need to be stated. I'm certain my best friend doesn't understand either and is possibly scared herself. I'll just do the best I can and take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Again thanks, Steve