I guess that by reading these there is hope that things will get better. I want to thank all of you for sharing your stories. I am having a hard time believing that it gets easier as every day is such a struggle. I have to force myself to get out of bed. Amanda and I had been working on OUR new place and were planning on moving in on March 8 (two days after she passed). The two children we have had living with us were temporarily staying with their father until we moved in that Thursday. Now, I am without a place to live b/c I certainly can't afford it on one income. Had to back out of that and I am sure that there will be reprecussions. I am trying to find a rental now, currently staying with Amanda's mother and stepfather. Amanda's brother committed suicide almost five years ago (on May 11). Terry (Amanda's mother) has never really dealt with the grief of Billy's death. So, I believe that this is hitting her two-fold and she is struggling with it terribly. I am so worried about her. On top of that, she had surgery one year ago and it was botched so she has this medical condition where she is in constant pain. I had convinced her to start counseling and she went once but the counselor stated one thing she didn't care for and I don't think she will ever go back to another. I am not sure how to help her with this. She would like me to stay there and I am so conflicted with that. I love her very much. I also need to be with my children and there is not room for them in their home. I have been looking for a place and hopefully will have one shortly as I have applied for a few...but I haven't the nerve yet to talk with her about my moving. Four weeks ago, we had our last night together. I miss so much hearing her tell me when we went to bed how lucky she was, how much she loved me. We would debate over it. I just don't sleep. Eating is so terribly difficult. I seem to get sick from everything. This has been four weeks, should it have improved by now? I am in therapy and she stated that it is different for everyone. I understand that, b/c it must be related to how serious or deep the feelings. But I have been feeling like I just can't handle this. That I won't be able to heal. I have lived through some difficult things but this one.....good grief...I feel dead inside.