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lost32yearold

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  1. I come to this site hoping that I'll find some relief and it helps. I just wish for the day when I can think of my mom without crying. Why does it seem to last for so long, it's been 5 months since my mom passed and I still can't think of her without balling. I've been very depressed lately and some days are better than others, but it often feels if I'm on a rollercoster. I just want to keep it together for my daughter, I don't like falling apart in front of her. I wish there was an easy solution to all of this pain. I just want my mom back in my life. I want her to be here for me! I want my dad to not be lonely, I know he is. I don't know if coming to this website allows me to express how I feel, or is it just a reminder of how much I've lost?
  2. I'm sorry to hear about what happend to your mom. My mom also suffered from medical malpractice. She had an aneurysm and they gave her blood thinners at the hospital, which made the bleeding worse. Before this happened my mom went to a pain management dr. for back pain and he started giving her shots in her back. She lost control of her bladder, and could only walk with great difficulty. She eventually lost her will to live. I feel for you in your loss, no one knows how it feels to lose a mom until it happens to them. I wish you the best. Take care.
  3. I'm sorry that you lost your mom. You are right it doesn't matter how old she is or you are, it's hard to let go of our parents. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a parent with Alzheimer's disease. My mom passed away on 2 Feb 04 after recovering from an aneurysm. I can tell you that I have experienced a wide range of emotions from anger, depression, guilt, and anxiety. The thing that bothers me the most, is that I feel like I'm lost. My mom was like a guiding force in my life and now she's gone. I've somehow managed to get on with my life although I'm not up to par. I often feel like I should just stay in bed and never leave. But I know that I can't do that, we all have to carry on because if we don't what else is there? You know in many ways you have had to slowly let go of your mom as her Alzheimer's progressed, but you probably kept an optimism about you because of your love for her. Also, a large part of your life was being there for her, visiting her, making sure that she is well cared for, but now you have a large whole in your life that can't be easily filled. I can't say that the grieving gets better, it just becomes more bearable. I wish you the best and tell your husband there is no right or definitive way to grieve. I think that men deal with death in different ways that women, you know they have to keep a stiff upper lip.
  4. I lost my mom on 2 Feb 04, she had an aneurysm back in November and lost the sight in her left eye. After a month in the hospital she was allowed to go home with a good prognosis. My mom also lived in Florida and I am living overseas. But in February I got a call from a neighbor that she had passed away. I feel that I never got to say goodbye, but I'm grateful she went on her own terms. I'm very sad for you that you didn't get to say goodbye. I also have a lot of guilt about living far away. I thought over the last several months that maybe if I'd only been there more, or done more maybe things would have been different. But one thing I think that you know is that your mom knew you loved her. Just the mere fact that you were there for her is a loving gesture. Your mom was very lucky to have a daughter that cared about her so much, sometimes kids grow up and forget about their parents. I can't tell you that it gets better, it just becomes more bearable as life goes on. One day I will think of my mom without crying and smile, but I'm not there yet. I think about her almost every day and many times of the last several months I've had the urge to call her but I know I can't. I think that I would give anything to have more time with her but I know it's not possible. All these feelings people tell me are normal. I wish you the best.
  5. My mom has been gone for almost 4 months now. I'm not crying as much now as I was before. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with all of those problems with your family. I know it's a very normal reaction to be angry, event to people who deserve it. I think it's all part of having lost someone who was very special to you, who knows you and your history. It's very likely that you will experience a whole lot of different emotions, all I can tell you is to be especially gentle with your self. You should give yourself permission to feel sad, or angry, but don't let it control your life. I hope this helps you in some way.
  6. Thanks for your replies. About 3 weeks after I posted this I had a dream about my mom. I dreamed I was sitting at a table eating lunch and talking to my friends. There was one empty seat at the table, and as my friend was talking, I imagined that I could see a vision of my mom in the empty chair. As she was sitting there, I told her how sorry I was for the argument we had while she was visiting me a few months before she died. I wish I'd written down the dream because I don't remember much else, except that I was able to apologize and tell her that I loved her. I did get some guilt relief from this dream. I do believe that my mom's spirit is around me especially when I think about her. I've had lots of good things happen to me and I can't help but think that she's looking out for me. I don't know I guess this might sound a little crazy, but it's how I feel. I will always continue to look for her spirit or influence in my life. It's really strange because I have never been a very spiritual person up until after her death.
  7. I'm very sorry that you lost your mom, my mom passed away on 2 Feb 2004. I can only tell you this is what I've been going through: my friends were very supportive but I feel like they think I need to move on, I have a profound sense of being lost, like I don't know where my life is going. I've been lucky that my grandmother has kind of taken over being a motherly figure, but it doesn't replace her. There are times where I just start crying when I hear a song that reminds me of her, or something pops into my head that makes me think of her. I feel depressed and there are days that I don't want to get out of bed. You need to talk to someone about the way you're feeling or you're just going to suppress all of your anger, fear, frustration, sadness. Is there someone you can talk to a friend, a relative, a Chaplain, even coming to this board and talking about things can be helpful. Be extra gentle with yourself, you will need this to help you heal. I know this sounds weird but when I miss my mom I listen to a song that we played at her funeral. It makes me sad but at the same time I'm comforted. I hope this helps you in some way.
  8. My mom passed away on 2 Feb 2004, I feel so lost without her. She was young, only 50. Today is the one month anniversary of her death. There are so many things that I need to say, she passed so unexpectedly. After her funeral I looked for goodbye messages from her and I couldn't find any. A couple of months before her death I had a huge argument with my mom about her smoking and not taking care of herself. I said alot of hurtful things because I was scared of losing her. I have so much guilt because my husband's job relocates frequently, if only I had been there more for her. She gave me so much grief about living so far away. Now I'm left with a lot of anger and frustration. My father wasn't prepared at all, my brother and I had to pay for her funeral with our credit cards. A couple months before her death she told everyone that I was mean to her. After the funeral, some of our family has acted distant like we didn't have the right to be at my mom's funeral. The truth is I would've given anything for my mom to be happy and to live a healthy life. I keep waiting for a sign from her, but nothing happens. I would give anything just to spend one more day with her, to tell her that I was sorry for the hurtful things I said. At times I feel relieved because I think about all the health problems that my mom had. My work is such that I need to leave the office to go on errands, sometimes I just hide in the car and cry. I don't know what else to do, everyone around me has been supportive. I just feel utterly and totally lost without her..To top things off my mom had been seeing this quack pain relief doctor who was supposed to numb the nerves in her back. He must have paralyzed the nerves in her back that led to her bladder because after that she began to lose control of her body. She was shuffling for short distances and dragging her leg behind her. I feel so angry that a doctor could do this to someone without any consequences. My mother tried to get a copy of her record from him, his reply was that it would cost her $1 a page for the copies. There was no way my mom could afford the $200.00 or more it would cost to copy her records, so she didn't get them. I feel like I should look into suiing the doctor because my mom had to get a bladder implant after he affected her ability to control her body. She often felt a lot of shame about that and would not leave her house. I wish I had been able to do more for her.
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