MARTY, THANK YOU FOR YOUR COUNSEL. MY MOM DOES KNOW THE EXTENT OF HER ILLNESS. IN FACT WE ( MY BROTHER AND SISTERS) JUST GOT BACK FROM VISITING WITH HER, SHE WANTED TO HAVE A MEETING ABOUT HER LAST PLANS BEFORE SHE DIES AND TO MAKE ARRANGMENTS FOR HER FUNERAL AND TO TELL US ALL THAT SHE LOVES, I GUESS THAT IS WHY I FEEL SO OUT OF CONTROL THIS WEEK, I KNOW SHE SENSES THE END, I CAN TELL AND IT IS KILLING ME. I DON'T WANT HER TO SEE MY PAIN. THE HARDEST PART FOR ME IS THAT I WANT HER TO COME AND STAY WITH ME IN THE END SO I CAN HOLD HER HAND AND SAY GOODBYE AS SHE SLIPS AWAY, I HAVE THIS NEED TO BE THERE UNTIL THE VERY END, I HAVE TOLD HER THIS BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE HER HOUSE AND I LIVE THREE AND A HALF HOURS AWAY ,I AM AFRAID SHE WILL PASS BEFORE I CAN SAY GOODBYE AND LOOK IN TO HER EYES, I JUST HAVE THIS NEED. I HAVE NEVER HANDLED DEATH WELL, AT THIRTEEN I FOUND MY TWO YEAR OLD SISTER DROWNED AND HELD HER IN MY ARMS UNABLE TO SAY GOODBYE..... THIS EXPERIENCE HAD SUCH A DEEP INPACT ON ME, I HATE DEATH AND HOW IT CAN COME SO QUICKLY AND DESTROY ALL THAT IS IN ITS PATH. I WILL HONOR MY MOMS WISHES BECAUSE I WANT HER TO BE AT PEACE AND HAPPY , IT IS HER LIFE, I KNOW, BUT I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME , I KNOW THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME ,IT IS ABOUT HER AND HER NEEDS IT JUST FEELS LIKE IT IS ABOUT ME TOO AND I HAVE A HARD TIME SEPERATING THOSE TWO IDEAS, I DON'T HAVE A DAD AND SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO EVER UDERSTOOD ME AND I KNEW I COULD ALWAYS TALK TO HER AND SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND AND LOVE ME, I GREW A LOT FROM HER AND HER WISDOM, NOW I HAVE TO FLY SOLO AND I AM TERRIFIED ....... I WILL KEEP GOING ON AND JUST GET THROUGH ONE DAY AT A TIME. THANKS SO MUCH FOR TALKING TO ME .... ROBYNN