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MartyT

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About MartyT

  • Rank
    Grief Counselor
  • Birthday 02/10/1943

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    mother, daughter, friend, pet parent
  • Date of Death
    5/26/67, 9/3078,10/06/93
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Contact Methods

  • AIM
    tousleym
  • Website URL
    http://www.griefhealingblog.com
  • Yahoo
    martytousley

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Sarasota, Florida

Recent Profile Visitors

9,128 profile views
  1. Mitch, my dear, I don't think that Wikipedia is the best source of information when it comes to grief and mourning. Many of the most respected individuals in the field of thanatology took strong issue with the notion of including Prolonged Grief Disorder in the latest issue of the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, published by the American Psychiatric Association) and this is why. Most grief counselors and grief therapists detest "medicalizing" grief by putting psych labels onto bereaved individuals. We believe that grief is as individual as a person's fingerprint, and it has no time frame. Think of such labels as a way for practitioners to use a code that is recognized as reimbursable by a client's insurance company. Just another way many of us are forced to conform to the rules in our so-called health care system.
  2. My dear, I am so sorry for your pain ~ but all I can tell you is that this is what grief feels like. Yes, it is excruciating. Yes, of course you want him back. And yes, you wish you had one more day with him. The grief you're feeling is in direct proportion to the level of attachment you have toward your kitty cat. We do not mourn for those we do not love. You will get through this, and know that this pain will ease a bit as time goes on ~ because, like everything else, grief changes ~ but for now, be patient with yourself, and let yourself lean into the pain. Can you share with us a picture or two of your lil man? I offer these articles for you, in hopes that they may help: Pet Loss: Is It a Different Kind of Grief? Pet Loss: A Disenfranchised Grief Pet Loss: Cannot Stop Crying
  3. I'm so sorry that this is happening to your sister. You say that there is nothing you can do "other than show up and be there for her" ~ but please don't underestimate the importance and the value of doing just that. More than anything else, your presence is what your sister will appreciate the most ~ and it is indeed the most priceless gift you can offer her. I hope you find the resources mentioned in these articles to be helpful: Anticipatory Grief and Mourning Anticipatory Grief and Mourning: Suggested Resources
  4. Doreen, my dear, I am so sorry to learn of the loss of your grandbaby, and my heart reaches out to you in your pain. As a grandmother you grieve twice: for the precious grandson who died, and for your own child, who is suffering the loss of this baby. I hope you will find some of the support you need for yourself and your family here: Silent Grief: Pregnancy and Infant Loss ♥️
  5. Good heavens, Kay! Have you thought about getting one of those medical alert systems for yourself? I've got several kinds listed on my Care Giving Links page. See, for example, Complete Senior Guide to Medical Alert Systems in 2019 Medical Alert Systems GuideMedical Alert Systems: How to Find a Medical AlertMedical Alert Systems Ratings and ReviewsMedical Alert Systems Reviews
  6. My dear, my heart reaches out to you in your pain, and I'm so sorry this heartbreaking loss has happened to you and your family. As a mom whose baby died shortly after birth, I can appreciate and related to the way you are feeling now, and I know how your empty arms are aching to hold and love and mother your baby who died. You've asked for advice on how to cope with this, so I invite you to read this article. Please take note of all the resources embedded there, along with all the links listed at the end: Silent Grief: Pregnancy and Infant Loss ♥️
  7. K.D. my dear, you might share with your husband the fact that all the people in this forum have felt the loss of our beloved companions just as acutely as you are feeling it now, and every single one of us is reassuring you that what you are feeling is NORMAL and HEALTHY. You can tell him that you will pick up those dog dishes when you feel ready and willing to do so, and that there is nothing wrong with waiting until such time as you are ready. Please don't let him "make" you feel as if there is something wrong with you. Let him know that those dishes are a connecting link to the dog you've lost, and in time you'll be ready to put them away ~ but not today.
  8. Ana, my dear, your post reminded me of something I read earlier today, an insightful piece written by Kelley Lynn over on Soaring Spirits International's blog. Kelley's husband Don died suddenly nearly eight years ago, and she knows firsthand the pain of widowhood . She writes a weekly post for SSI, and I hope you will relate to this one especially: It Gets Softer ♥️
  9. Tom, my dear, I wonder what would happen if you asked a fellow teacher (someone you know, respect and trust) what he or she thinks about this matter of whether to share your grief (as Kay says, simply put and brief, with no need to go into great detail) with your students? For example, this article shares one teacher's experience: The Grieving Teacher ~ and be sure to scroll down to read the comments at the end: 10 Thoughts on "The Grieving Teacher". Of course, whatever you decide to do is completely up to you ~ but we all know that hiding our grief takes way more energy than acknowledging it ~ and doing so also contributes to the death-denying and grief-avoidant culture that we all complain about when others seem so inept at understanding and offering their support to the bereaved. As I stated earlier, you are a teacher, and you are in an excellent position to influence, to educate, and to model for young people how to share their truth.
  10. I understand, Tom ~ but I also think that, as a teacher (and I don't know the age of your students) your role includes not only adhering to your regular lesson plans, but also modeling healthy ways to deal with life ~ and in my mind, there is nothing wrong with a teacher demonstrating to his students that death is a natural part of living, and feeling sad in the wake of significant loss is not only normal, but healthy. Being "super nice" when you're feeling the exact opposite is phony and fundamentally dishonest ~ and you're missing an opportunity to teach your students one of the most important lessons in life. ♥️
  11. My friend, my heart hurts for you, and I'm so sorry for the reasons that brought you here. I hope you know that your grief is just as valid as anyone else's, including that of your ex whose grandmother has died. The difference is that yours is what is known as disenfranchised grief ~ that is, grief that isn't generally recognized by others as legitimate and real, and certainly not publicly mourned (such as with a funeral and a wake) ~ which leaves you feeling unsupported and all alone, with nowhere to take your pain. I invite you to read this article, Coping With Hidden Sorrow ~ and know that here you are surrounded by others who DO understand. ♥️
  12. Thank you so very much for sharing this update with us, my dear ~ and please know that we are holding you close, sending love and light, and hoping for the best as you deal with this latest challenge. I hope you will keep us posted, and know that we are pulling for you ♥️
  13. I'm wondering, Tom, whether you've ever shared with your students a bit about what has happened in your life that might be affecting you now. You needn't go into great detail, but offering a simple explanation might go a long way toward their cutting you some slack. Can you think of how you might disclose to them that, while you are trying your best to carry on in the wake of the most devastating loss of your life, you know that there will be times when you may fall short of the mark. You might reassure them that it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you, and you need for them to be patient with you ~ something along those lines? ❤️
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