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MartyT

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About MartyT

  • Rank
    Grief Counselor
  • Birthday 02/10/1943

Contact Methods

  • AIM
    tousleym
  • Website URL
    http://www.griefhealing.com
  • Yahoo
    martytousley

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Sarasota, Florida

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    mother, daughter, friend
  • Date of Death
    5/26/67, 9/3078,10/06/93
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Recent Profile Visitors

8,600 profile views
  1. MartyT

    Goodbye to my fur family

    My heart hurts for you, Marita.
  2. My dear, I am so very sorry to learn that you've lost both your parents when you yourself are so young. You are neither lost nor broken, even though I've no doubt that you are feeling that way right now. But feelings are not facts, and what matters is what you DO with what you are feeling. Let these feelings of jealousy and anger motivate you to get moving, and use them to energize you onto the path of hope and healing. This is way too heavy a burden for you to be carrying all by yourself, and with all my heart I urge you to get yourself to a qualified grief counselor who can support and guide you as you find your way through all of this pain. Please take time to read these articles, and then take a look at some of the related ones listed at the base of each: Are You Reluctant to Seek Counseling for Grief? Finding Grief Support That Is Right for You
  3. From Nan & Gary Zastrow, Founders of Wings--A Grief Education Ministry: Yes, fall is creeping up on us and its time to put organization back in our lives and start thinking about making new memories with the holidays fast approaching. On that subject, I'm asking for feedback for our What do you think column. Here is the topic. Would love to hear from you: MAKING MEMORIES LAST…..What do you think? After a loved one dies, we find many personal belongings that create positive memories. These become treasures to us. Items might include jewelry, clothing, parts from a hobby or sport etc. Some of us find positive ways to repurpose an item and use it daily or for special occasions or holidays. Each time we use it we feel a loving connection to the person who died. Memories like these last for however long we want them to last. Example of a repurposed item: Our son Chad loved fishing. We used the fishing line in his tackle box to string the ornaments on our Christmas tree. After all these years, it still works. How have you turned your loved one’s belonging into a purposeful item or treasured keepsake? Please submit your ideas with your name/city/state. Only your first name, city, and state will be published. Nan & Gary Zastrow nan.wings1@gmail.com the founders of: wingsgrief.orgWings--a Grief Education Ministry Visit Wings on FACEBOOK website: wingsgrief.org
  4. MartyT

    Mandatory Shrink Visit

    As I've written elsewhere, Captain, grief is not an illness to be cured or an injury from which you will recover. Grief is a normal reaction to the loss of someone dearly loved. It is a burden that you learn to carry as you come to better understand and manage it ~ but the wound itself never goes away. And death does not erase the relationship we have with the one who has died. The love we have for that individual will last forever, just as long as we keep the person's memory alive in our mind and heart. Many bereaved have trouble with that word "healed" and I think it all depends on how we're using the word. In fact I wrote an article about that very thing ~ I invite you to read it here: Grief Healing: Where Did You Get That Name? The thing about grief is that it changes over time, just as we may change in our reactions to it. Although you may find it difficult to look at your deceased person's "stuff" right now, that may not be how you feel in days or months or even years from now. If you find that you "still can't stand to look at the stuff of the person who passed away," it's okay to wait until you feel better able to do so. You simply cannot hurry grief ~ it takes as long as it takes, and it's perfectly okay to take it in small "doses." Think of it this way: If you must eat an elephant, better to do it in smaller bites that you can tolerate and digest over time rather than trying to eat it all at once, which would only cause you to choke on it.
  5. I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this position of uncertainty, my dear! I repeat: Bear in mind that everything you've decided ~ in your most recent posts in this forum, and in the wise responses you've received from other members ~ regarding the extent of your responsibility toward your ex remains true. I really think you would be wise to talk with your counselor about this again, before you decide to take any action that puts you back in a position of being, feeling, or acting as if you are responsible for this man's self-destructive behavior. No contact means no contact ~ of any kind. Your first obligation in this situation is to take care of YOU.
  6. Exactly. So how will your contacting him now change any of that? I think that by discussing this with you, your counselor is simply making certain that you are aware of any consequences that may result from your decisions ~ both good and bad. Bear in mind that everything you've decided about the extent of your responsibility here remains true. No matter what your ex decides to do with his life, you STILL do not have any control over his behavior. And your ability to protect him from himself is severely limited. If you truly do believe that his life is in real and present danger, and that he is likely to repeat risking an overdose, then this seems to be a valid option. Do you know which of his friends would be willing to handle this information properly ~ that is, with the greatest of tact and in strictest confidence, since your ex specifically told you that none of his friends is aware of the overdose incident? This friend must be prepared to disclose to your ex how he or she learned of his overdose incident, and that the information was conveyed because of your grave and sincere concern that his life depended on it.
  7. So relieved to learn that you are safe and dry, Cookie! Thank you for checking in ❤️
  8. Yes, the truth can be painful, dear one, but I have always believed that it is the truth that will set you free. ❤️
  9. We all know that you are struggling and fighting with everything you've got, dear Katie. I so wish we had more than words to give to you. I just want you to know that we are here, and we are listening . . . ❤️
  10. My dear, I think that one of your greatest strengths is your willingness to be brutally honest with yourself. Good for you! We're all wishing for you nothing but the best ❤️
  11. Truly you have had one of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days, my friend, and I am so sorry! Nobody needs this, and you certainly do not deserve any of it. Feel free to rant. You've earned it ~ and this is a very safe place for you to do so
  12. From all of us to you, dear Katie ❤️
  13. I'm so sorry for your loss, my dear, and as fellow animal lovers (many of whom have been where you are now) we know how much this hurts. Having walked with many pet parents over the years, I can assure you that nothing engenders more guilt than having to make the euthanasia decision for our cherished pets. It's not unlike making a conscious decision to take the life of a beloved family member, and for most of us, it's one of the most difficult choices we'll ever have to make. And then there is the choice of whether or not to be present, as you say, "during his final moments." You know yourself better than anyone, and the simple fact is that not everyone is capable of being "in the room" when a pet is euthanized. What is more, your presence under duress would only add to your animal's anxiety, which makes everything that much harder for all concerned ~ including your beloved baby. So I won't pass judgment on anyone who is unable or unwilling to be present at such a painful time. It is very much an individual decision and it belongs to the person involved. The guilt you are feeling now is only natural, and my heart reaches out to you in your pain. I hope you will find this article helpful: Guilt in the Wake of A Euthanasia Decision. ♥
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