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MartyT

Admin
  • Content Count

    9,175
  • Joined

About MartyT

  • Rank
    Grief Counselor
  • Birthday 02/10/1943

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    mother, daughter, friend, pet parent
  • Date of Death
    5/26/67, 9/3078,10/06/93
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Contact Methods

  • AIM
    tousleym
  • Website URL
    http://www.griefhealingblog.com
  • Yahoo
    martytousley

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Sarasota, Florida

Recent Profile Visitors

9,426 profile views
  1. Dear Jackie, I too am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved husband, and I can only imagine how isolated and alone you must feel. Since in addition to the death of your spouse you also are dealing with PPMS (primary progressive multiple sclerosis), you need and deserve whatever support you can find. I see that you live in the UK. Have you reached out to learn whatever support is available to you there? (See, for example, Apply for a needs assessment by social services and Aftering ). Clearly you are in need of both physical and emotional support and, although you may not be inclined to do so, I hope you will muster the energy to reach out for it. Meanwhile, we are here for you, and of course we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers. ♥
  2. Dear one, I hope you will paste this quotation on your bathroom mirror and heed its message:
  3. Good for you, Scott. Make sure that you and your friend take a look at some of the many links listed here as well: Caregiving and Grief in Alzheimer's and Dementia: Suggested Resources ♥
  4. My dear, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved husband, but clearly unless you hold a medical degree as a pulmonary specialist, I don't see how you could have recognized the seriousness of his illness. I don't mean to minimize the guilt that you feel ~ it is what you are feeling, after all, and feelings aren't always rational or justified. But I do suggest that you do some reading about this, in hopes that you will come to judge yourself less harshly. See Grief and The Burden of Guilt ~ including the additional articles listed at the base. ♥
  5. Given your father's age (90, I believe you've told us) and the behavior you've described, Scott, I suspect that rather than intentionally lying, your father may be exhibiting what is known as confabulation ~ which is not the same thing. "Confabulation is the creation of false memories in the absence of intentions of deception. Individuals who confabulate have no recognition that the information being relayed to others is fabricated. Confabulating individuals are not intentionally being deceptive and sincerely believe the information they are communicating to be genuine and accurate. Confabulation ranges from small distortions of actual memories to creation of bizarre and unusual memories, often with elaborate detail." Are there any plans to have your father examined by a physician who is qualified to evaluate his mental state? In any event, you may find this article helpful: How to Respond to Confabulation in Dementia
  6. I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your bunny, my dear, and it's obvious from your post how very attached you were to her. No surprise, then, that you are feeling the acute pain of grief in the wake of this significant loss. We do not mourn for those we do not love. You say it's been a month and you don't feel as if you've made any forward movement since, so I hope you will consider finding a counselor who specializes in pet loss, or seeing if there is an in-person pet loss support group offered in your community. (See Finding Support for Pet Loss.) It may also help to do some reading about what is normal in grief ~ and particularly about the grief we experience following the death of a cherished animal companion ~ so you'll know your reactions are not "crazy" ~ and you may discover some coping mechanisms that are useful. (You'll find a list of such articles on this page: Pet Loss .) Since you suffer from "crippling social anxiety" have you ever considered getting another animal to help you with that? (e.g., Can A Service Dog Help with Your Anxiety?)
  7. Kay, my dear, I don't know if you've seen this, but I'm passing it along for you and Arlie ~ As the article states, Anyone in the position of caring for a dying dog wants to understand the process as best as possible. Knowing what to expect provides some comfort in an otherwise completely disorienting and uncomfortable time . . . Read on here: Crossing The Rainbow Bridge: Signs That The End of Life Is Near ♥
  8. I'm so sorry, Jennifer. Sixteen years is a very long time. We are with you at this sad and challenging time, as we wish for peace and healing to your broken heart. I hope this article brings you some comfort: Anticipating the Death of A Cherished Pet ♥
  9. So do I, Kay. So do I.
  10. My dear, I assure you that it's okay to find yourself talking to your dog when you get home from work ~ or at any other time, for that matter. Of course she can't talk back, but neither could she do that when she was here in physical form. Many ~ if not most ~ of us continue to talk to our departed loved ones (both animal and human) and who's to say that they cannot hear us? Whatever brings you peace and comfort is the only guideline you need as you navigate this uncharted territory of grief.
  11. My Saint was a surprise gift from my father, Kay ~ many years ago. One of his patients had to let her go, so my dad took her and brought her to me (with no prior warning!) Of course my family welcomed her and fell in love with her. I don't know if you've read it, but you may appreciate the Obituary for A Very Beloved Dog that my father wrote when his beloved Moose (a Saint Bernard - Collie mix) died. His description of her "double thoroughbred ancestry" is priceless: https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/03/memorializing-cherished-pet.html ♥
  12. I have a niece who says that years ago (when she was little) my Saint Bernard Tammy bit her. I was there, too, and I know for a fact that this never happened, but she still believes it. Why she has a need to believe it is beyond me. Maybe she's mixing it up with something else that happened to her with another dog. I've decided that there's nothing I can do to repair her false memory. You know your Arlie, Kay, so don't allow anyone' else's comments to pull you down. Just bask in the love you share with him, and make every moment you have together count . . .
  13. This from Nan Zastrow of Wings - A Grief Education Ministry: JULY ISSUE ELETTER--WHAT DO YOU THINK QUESTION Mon, 8 Jul 2019 13:09 Grief Hurts! It’s a complex emotional reaction to a life-changing event. It changes who we are and who we are meant to be. For those of you new to grief, what are you doing to survive day-by-day? For those whose grief is still evolving, what did you do to help you through the challenging times as you heal? Please email your response and include your name, city/state (only first name will be published.) RESPOND BY JULY 18 nanwings1@gmail.com Nan & Gary Zastrow the founders of Wings - A Grief Education Ministry Visit Wings on FACEBOOK website: wingsgrief.org
  14. Welcome to the world of bereaved animal lovers, my dear. Seldom do we realize how much it hurts to lose a beloved animal companion until it happens to us. I too am very sorry for your loss, and I hope you will recognize your grief as the price you're paying for the loving relationship you had with your dog. Know too, that death may end a life, but love does not die. The love you shared with your precious dog will stay in your heart forever, just as long as you keep her memory alive. I hope you'll share some of those pictures with us once you have them printed.
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