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Everything posted by MartyT

  1. It may help to think of yourself as moving through your pain rather than moving on from it. The acute pain of loss recedes gradually as we learn to carry our grief, but the love we have for the one who has died does not "go" anywhere, and we are not required to "move on" from the ones we've loved and lost. Love is forever. ❤️
  2. Beautiful photo of your precious fur baby soaking up that sunshine ❤️
  3. Dear Ones, Some of you may remember from 2009 one of our members whose display name was gatorman. He joined our tribe following the death of his beloved wife Cindy on March 12, 2009. Another of our dear members has just notified me of his tragic death. He was killed in an auto accident in St. Louis four months ago. Our hearts go out to his family and loved ones as we mourn the loss of one of our own. As the poet John Donne has written, No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as any manner of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind. And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. ❤️
  4. I'm so sorry, Gwen Do keep us posted, and know that we are thinking of you and pulling for you ❤️
  5. Absolutely precious, dear Kay! Obviously this little one takes after her grandmother! Thank you for sharing! ❤️
  6. A beautiful story, beautifully written. From my heart to yours, Glen, thank you. Thank you for sharing in such detail these special moments with all of us. Clearly your mother raised a remarkable son, and we are grateful for your presence here as you mourn your loss. ❤️
  7. Her reaction may stem from the commonly held misconception that you're somehow holding on to your grief. We used to think that refusing to "let go" of the dead meant that we were in denial. Today we've come to understand that it is normal ~ and indeed healthy ~ to nurture and to maintain a continuing bond with our loved ones who have died. Holding onto love (which never, ever dies) is not the same as holding onto grief. We must work hard to let go of the pain of loss, but we are never required to let go of the love we have for the one who has gone before us. ❤️
  8. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Twilight, my dear, and from the way you've described his final moments with you, I'm sure he knew how very much you loved him ~ and that this was your final act of love for him. Yes, it is a heart-breaking decision, but a selfless one that exchanges his suffering for your own. Now you are the one in pain. One day the precious memories you shared with Twilight will far outweigh those awful images ~ and when you think of the 17 years you shared, may love be what you remember most. ❤️
  9. Hi Sarina ~ I'm so sorry to read of the death of your mama, and I so appreciate your loving concern for your dad in the wake of this devastating loss. Might you consider just telling your dad that you are aware of these upcoming dates, you're not sure what he'd like you to do for him, and you're looking to him for his input? Bear in mind that he may not know what he'd like either, since this loss happened barely one month ago and he's had little time to absorb the shock and reality of it ~ and that's okay. If he'd rather you'd do nothing special on those days, that's okay too. You can help your dad make these occasions as special or as low-key as you both decide ~ and if you need to observe these days yourself by honoring and remembering your mom in your own private way, you can do that as well. You may find these articles helpful: Helping a Grieving Parent Tips for Coping with Anniversary Reactions in Grief Grief Rituals Can Help on Valentine’s Day (or Any Special Day)
  10. We all share that wish with you, Laurie. It's good to see you here, although I'm so sorry for the reason that brought you to us. I know that you will feel welcome here. Our hugs are virtual ones, but they are just as real and every bit as genuine as the other kind. ❤️
  11. NEW SPRING ELETTER FROM WINGS: This is a FREE quarterly ELetter for the bereaved and caregivers. It’s a compliment to Wings when you pass it on and share it with your friends. Please feel free to do so. Here is the link: Or download and read the attached file! http://www.wingsgrief.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/ELetter-April-2020.pdf Here is Page 1—a Preview of this issue! Nan & Gary Zastrow nanwings1@gmail.com the founders of: wingsgrief.orgWings--a Grief Education Ministry
  12. As this three-year anniversary approaches, remember that it is but one more day on the calendar, and only as meaningful as you choose to make it. Is there some sort of healing ritual you might construct that can help you through that day? Losing a child is a parent's worst nightmare, and for you it is a reality. I am so sorry. Can you share more of your story with us? If negligence was involved with your daughter's death, I think it's understandable that you're feeling "super overprotective" of your other children. After all, if this can happen to one of them ~ if your entire world can be turned upside down by one catastrophic event ~ it's only natural for you to question and worry for the safety of the rest of your family. You say you've been to therapy, "extensive and outpatient," but if you did not get the support you need, might you consider seeing someone else? You've asked us for advice, and I'm hoping some of the ideas in these articles may be useful: In Grief: Dreading The Anniversary Date Of a Loved One’s Death Tips for Coping with Anniversary Reactions in Grief Grief Rituals Can Help on Valentine’s Day (or Any Special Day)
  13. Jeet, I'm so sorry this happened to you and your beloved Portrait. (What a lovely name for a kitty, too!) I invite you to read these articles in hopes that they will speak to you in a helpful way. The individual circumstances differ from yours, but the content is still relevant. Note the additional resources listed at the base of each too: Coping with The Trauma of An Unexpected Death Guilt In the Wake of A Kitten’s Accidental Death Loss and The Burden of Guilt
  14. I'm so sorry, Kevin. I truly do think that is one of the things I love so much about them, Kay. We can learn a lot from them. ❤️ Gwen, I'm so sorry to learn about your need for back surgery. My heart reaches out to you . . .
  15. It's just amazing to me, Kay, how little Kobie's white markings are nearly the same as Bruno's, even though Kobie's coat is black and Bruno's is brown. Such a darling photo!
  16. I wish with all my heart that we had more to offer you, Gwen. You are in our hearts. ❤️
  17. SO good to hear from you, Steve. Our thoughts are with you and Patty as you hunker down and weather this storm. We are so much stronger than we think we are, and together we will get through this latest challenge. You are so right. Love is all that really matters. Blessings to you, and thank you for reminding us of that ❤️
  18. Coronavirus and Finding Ways to Cope with Anxiety and Loss by Gloria Horsley Today, I hosted a Facebook Live session with my daughter, Heidi, to discuss the impact of the coronavirus. Tambre Leighn, an Open To Hope author, certified coach, Funder of Well Beyond Ordinary, and behavioral change expert, also joined us. CONTRACTING THE CORONAVIRUS Our session started with the news that my daughter, Heidi, took a coronavirus test this weekend and learned last night that she has tested positive. After starting to develop symptoms last week, she took action and got tested. Now, she is self-quarantining for the next 14 days, using protective gear and self-isolation to protect her husband and children. Now that she has been diagnosed, Heidi has experienced a wide range of emotions — from anxiety to relief that she has a diagnosis to self-judgment about wishing she had known before getting on a plane or being anywhere in public. Heidi also feels anxious about causing any harm to her loved ones and even strangers she has come in contact with the last week or so. However, it’s also been an important step for Heidi to share this information with us. It’s not meant to alarm or cause anxiety. Instead, Heidi feels it’s important to use her own experience to raise awareness of the importance of physical distancing and being aware of how our actions and decisions can impact others. DEALING WITH RISING ANXIETY This leads us to today’s guest and discussion about the impact of the coronavirus and the level of anxiety that it is creating. There is a lot of anxiety about the unknown, including what is the outcome of all of this. We also want to know how long will it go on and whether we and our loved ones will get the coronavirus and how bad it will be. It’s understandable given the enormous impact and rate of change that we see happening around the world. While the information is good to know, it can also make us feel overwhelmed and contribute to the anxiety. Instead of answers, it only furthers the sense of the unknown since nothing has happened like this in our lifetime. When we become anxious, it’s our mindset that focuses on the things we can’t control. In this case, there are many aspects of what is happening that we can’t control. WHAT WE CAN DO However, we can also choose to focus on those circumstances we can control. We can help ourselves, our loved ones, and our community by following all the mandates that the city, state, and federal governments have put into practice. Another thing we can do is look at what triggers the anxiety in each of us. For some, it might be the media while others may have grief and loss in their lives that have amplified their anxiety. Once we identify the trigger, we can then work on shifting our perspective and taking some action to move away from that trigger. If it was the media, then reduce how much time you spend reading and watching news stories about it. Do something that gives you a sense of purpose — whether that’s exercise, a hobby, or something similar to what Heidi is doing by participating in this Facebook Live session. RESILIENCE AND INNER STRENGTH We have to know that we have the strength and resilience to overcome this situation. Believing that can help minimize the anxiety, which otherwise could adversely impact the physical strength of our immune system. And, we all need that immunity right now to physically fight this virus. Then, there is our resilience. This is the capacity that we have to recover from situations and move forward. Many of us have had past situations that provide evidence of our resilience. If we have suffered loss and grief in the past and been able to carry on with our lives, then we are resilient. PHYSICAL DISTANCE, NOT SOCIAL DISCONNECTION Now, more than ever, we need each other. How we give ourselves the time and attention we need may have changed to a virtual channel. But, it is just as important and beneficial that we reach out to others — our friends, family, neighbors, and colleagues — and let them know we are here and thinking of them. In the process, we will also have been proactive in controlling certain circumstances. We are choosing to physically distance ourselves to stay healthy and keep others safe, too. But, we are not socially disconnecting. AN ACTION PLAN Throughout this situation, it can help to create a personal action plan for yourself. It should fit your values, circumstances, and what matters to you. With this action plan, you have a purpose and focus that shifts your perspective away from the thoughts that make you anxious. You’ll able to keep your mindset on the actions you need to help yourself and those around you get through this situation.
  19. It's not so much that it's unrealistic, my friend. Instead, you might think of getting to that point as a long-term goal ~ one that you hope to reach one day ~ but for now, I encourage you to stay closer to where you are right now, which is where you need to be. Stay in the present moment, as much as you can, and deal with just today. The future will take care of itself. You might consider trying some of the suggestions listed in this article: Bereavement: Doing The Work of Grief
  20. That is all you can ask of yourself right now, my dear. Please let it be enough . . . ❤️
  21. Dre' my dear, airline attendants always advise passengers with kids to put their own oxygen masks on first before assisting their children. In a similar vein, the best way you can help your children with their grief is to take care of your own grief first. Learn all you can about what reactions are normal (and therefore to be expected) in grief and what you might do to manage those reactions. Learn about kids and grief, and how kids at different ages experience loss (e.g., Children's Developmental Stages Concepts of Death and Responses). You are in a powerful position to teach them and to model for them how to cope with this enormous upheaval in your lives. You have at your fingertips, via your access to the Internet, a wealth of valid and reliable information to help you (e.g., Explaining Death to Children). For example, since your children are asking about going to God so they can be with their dad, look to this article to guide you: Religion and Spirituality in Grief. Note the additional readings listed at the base ~ and see especially the work of Terri Daniel (e.g., Toxic Theology: Religious Beliefs That Hurt Instead of Heal by Rev. Terri Daniel ❤️
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