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Everything posted by MartyT

  1. Yes. You have our love, and we are here with you. Blessings to you, dear George, and may your father rest in eternal peace.
  2. Thank you for letting us know, Maryann! I will add it to our Grief Bibliography list ~ and warmest congratulations to YOU!
  3. I'm so sorry. Families are complicated, and sadly enough, sometimes a death brings out the very worst in some of them.
  4. Wherever this leads, dear George, we are here with you, and keeping your dad in our thoughts and prayers. ♥
  5. Have you ever considered consulting someone who specializes in animal communication, as a way of connecting with your Parker's spirit? If you are open to the idea, you may find this article to be of interest: Pet Loss and Animal Communication: Suggested Resources ♥
  6. jimswife, I don't want your first post with us to get lost in this thread ~ so I encourage you to begin a thread of your own (just click on "Start new topic" at the top of this page, and share more of your story with us there). I also want to assure you that, as Gwenivere said, what you are feeling is normal, including your not being sure that you can do this and your wanting to die. Most of us here have felt the same, most especially in the earliest days, where you are right now. As you come to know us here, you'll find yourself among kindred spirits who "get it" ~ along with the reliable information, comfort and support you need and deserve. To get you started, I invite you to read these articles in hopes that they will give you some reassurance and hope: Grief: Understanding The Process Thoughts of Suicide in Grief Grief and The Burden of Guilt
  7. MartyT

    Day One

    My dear Anne, first let me say how sorry I am to learn of the death of your beloved baby girl Izzy yesterday, and please know that here, you are among fellow animal lovers who understand the pain and sorrow of losing a cherished fur baby. You ask if someone can confirm your thinking that tomorrow will be easier, and I cannot promise you that it will be, simply because everyone's grief journey is unique to the person experiencing it, and it is different for each of us. What I can say is that grief does not stay the same; it changes over time, just as you will change in your reactions to it. What matters most is what you DO with the time ~ and coming here, placing yourself among others who "get it", reaching out for compassion, understanding and support ~ these are all very positive steps, and indicate that you are willing to do what is necessary to heal from this devastating loss. Lean into your grief. Allow yourself to feel whatever thoughts and feelings may come up for you ~ and recognize them as the measure of your love for your precious Izzy. Remember that death may take a life, but love does not die. Love is forever, and your love for Izzy will stay with you always, just as long as you keep your memories of her alive in your heart and in your mind. I encourage you to do whatever you can to make sure that happens. Think of ways you can remember and memorialize your Izzy, celebrate whatever lessons you learned from her, and know that she lives forever in you. ♥
  8. My dear, you say that for over five months you've seen little if any changes in how you are reacting to this loss. I can only reiterate what I've said already: Look for a qualified grief counselor who understands and respects the human-animal bond, and give yourself the gift of professional help. Waiting for the passage of time alone to heal your grief is not helping you.
  9. I just bumped into this article, Kay ~ just sharing, in case you may find it useful: Tracking Good Days and Bad Days in Assessing Your Pet's Quality of Life
  10. Oh Kay. My heart hurts for you as I read this awful news. I totally understand your not wanting to prolong Arlie's suffering by putting him (and you) through any expensive and futile treatments. It seems to me that doing so would prolong his dying rather than extend his living. All I can suggest is to do what you're doing already: Make the most of whatever time you have left with Arlie. Take lots and lots of pictures. Treasure every moment, and do whatever you can to make these precious days count. And know that we are here with you as you go down this painful path . . . ♥
  11. Join Dr. Lisa Firestone on June 11 for a 90-minute Webinar that will introduce powerful psychological tools that can help a person to move on even stronger after a breakup or rejection. Sign up to watch live or receive a video recording. CE Credits are available and sold separately. June 11th Webinar: Overcoming Break-Ups and Rejection Presenter: Dr. Lisa Firestone June 11th 11AM-12:30PM By forming a more coherent understanding one’s emotions around a breakup, a person can actually use the experience as an opportunity for personal growth. Check it out This Webinar will help you: 1. Explore how the past shapes your relationship patterns, choices, and reactions 2. Recognize and overcome critical self-attacks that are triggered by a separation 3. Understand how early attachment patterns influence one’s current reactions 4. Adopt a growth mindset that allows you to move on, rather than a fixed mindset that keeps you stuck in your pain 5. Practice self-compassion and mindfulness techniques to feel better in the present moment SIGN UP OR LEARN MORE
  12. My dear, there isn't a person among us ~ in this particular forum, at least ~ who doesn't understand the depth and breadth of your pain. The relationships we have with our animals is different from those that we have with people, and so is the grief we feel when we lose them. If you are willing and able to concentrate enough to do so, I encourage you to do a bit of reading about the grief that accompanies the loss of a cherished animal companion. It will serve to explain what you are feeling and why. It will reassure you that you are normal and help you to feel less "crazy" in your reactions. It will offer some suggestions for how you might better cope with your grief. And it will help you to feel less alone in your pain. See, for example, these articles ~ and note that many additional resources are listed at the base of each: Pet Loss: Is It a Different Kind of Grief? Pet Loss: Why Does It Hurt So Much? Common Myths, Misconceptions about Pet Loss Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of a Loved One? Guilt In The Wake of A Euthanasia Decision
  13. Of course it's possible, my dear ~ and if it brings you comfort and some small measure of peace, believe it and know it to be true! I truly do believe that one of the most precious things about our animal companions ~ and one of the main reasons that we love them so much ~ is that they are so understanding and so forgiving toward us. They never get mad at us, they don't judge us, and they certainly don't hold grudges against us. In that way, they are so much more perfect beings than we can ever be! Truly they are angels in dog suits! There is no doubt in my mind that Parker has already forgiven you, that he is here with you in spirit, and that the love you share with each other will be with you forever in your heart. Know that, believe it, and celebrate it. ♥
  14. My dear, for your sake, for your husband's sake, and for the sake of your marriage, I hope you will find some way to forgive your husband and yourself for being human. Surely you realize that, as horrible as it is, none of this was intentional on either of your parts. Your intention was to do what you thought was best for your beloved dog, and no one can fault you for that. When something like this happens, it is only human to look for someone or something to blame ~ and certainly it looks as if your veterinarian is at fault for his negligence. But it seems to me that both you and your husband are innocent of any wrongdoing. Still, if you're like most of us, I suspect you won't forgive yourselves until it feels as if you've punished yourselves enough ~ and only you will know how much punishment is enough. If you cannot do this alone, I urge you to get some professional help ~ and sooner rather than later. At the very least, I hope you will do some reading about grief, guilt and forgiveness. There is no shortage of writing on any of these topics. You might start with these ~ and note that additional readings are listed at the base of each: Pet Loss: When Guilt Goes Unresolved Grief In The Wake of a Dog's Wrongful Death Grief and The Burden of Guilt Guilt and Regret in Grief
  15. My dear, I am overwhelmed just reading your story, so I can only imagine how YOU must be feeling! I'm wondering if the hospitals and/or medical teams that cared for your husband and daughter could point you to some resources that could help you in your caregiving role. You are in desperate need of some form of tangible and practical support, and you might ask them what sort of palliative care and / or social services they could offer you. On these pages I've gathered a number of caregiving resources, and I'm hoping that one or more may be available to you ~ or, at the very least, give you some idea of where you might turn for help: Caregiving In Serious Illness: Suggested Resources Coping with A Cancer Diagnosis: Suggested Resources Helping Children Cope with a Parent’s Serious Illness
  16. I'm so sorry, Maryann, and I can only imagine how much this hurts. I don't know if you are close to your sister-in-law, but you certainly do have much in common now, and I hope you'll be able to support each other in ways that only you two can know . . .
  17. Michael's Garden is beautiful ~ and makes me think of this:
  18. Blessings to you from all of us on your special day, dear George. ♥
  19. Some useful resources here: In Grief: Finding New Love After The Death of A Spouse
  20. My dear David, it warms my heart to learn that you are finding our site to be of benefit to you in your grief journey, and I thank you for sharing those comments. It's good to know that your daughter is doing well, and I want to leave you with something I've learned in my many years of companioning the bereaved: As a parent, the best way you can take care of your daughter in her grief is to take care of your own grief first. From what you've just said, it would seem to me that you are doing just that. Good for you. I don't know the age of your daughter, but you may find one or more of the articles listed on this page to be helpful: Children, Teens & Grief ♥
  21. From Pat Kriesel, Office Administrator, HOPE For Bereaved, Inc.: Below is the link to the June 2019 HOPEline newsletter. https://hopeforbereaved.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/HOPElineJune2019.pdf
  22. Does this ever get easier? POSTED BY STACI SULIN 730CI ON MAY 20, 2019 I had these exact same thoughts a year ago; and, tonight I wonder if any of this ever gets easier. Am I a lousy widow? Am I doing this wrong? What the hell am I supposed to do? What can I do to make any of this better? Is this even possible. Is it fair to assume that I will recover from Mike's death? Still, 2.5 years later almost every thought still begins with him. I am still unable to live in the moment because part of me lives in the past. I struggle to be present because in my mind I am endlessly travelling to a better place in time. Again and again I return to this place where he existed once upon a time. Time has gone on without him and I am left here living in limbo... When his heart stopped, the hands of time were unaffected. I thought I felt time stand still when I saw his lifeless body; but, time itself callously marched on when he died. Time did not stop. Not even for a moment - in spite of my circumstance. The world just carried on without Mike. But, my world was left in ruin when the life I knew ended. However, from the wreckage, something bigger than me, dragged me out from the rubble created by my shattered Soul. I was rescued because my heart is still beating. My life didn't end when Mike's did. Life is for the living; and, now, I'm left to figure out how to do just that. Almost immediately after his death, life demanded things of me. On a surface level, I was forced to participate in life because children need raising. Work needs to be completed. Bills need to be paid. Dishes need doing. Laundry needs folding. Lawns need mowing. Things need to be said. I need to show up. There are people to meet and obligations to attend to. Life has not stopped because Mike no longer exists here in this dimension. Time has gone on and I've carried along with it. Life demands participation - even after your person dies. Life is unavoidable. And, in truth, this is a good thing. At this point, there is no part of me that intentionally wishes to escape living. I think this is why my heart feels so heavy. I want to breathe life in again. I absolutely want to feel alive again; but, re-entering life is much more difficult than I imagined it would be. I want to wholly participate in life. I want to radiate happiness. I want to see real joy in my eyes again. I want to laugh until I am out of breath. I desperately want to feel alive. And, wouldn't you know it, all of this is in my power. It's in yours too. With this power comes responsibility. As human beings, we are responsible for our own happiness. At the end of the day, happiness is not dependent on anyone but ourselves. I am responsible for the quality of my own life. And, you are too. But, it's hard. I know. I'm tired too. Sometimes I want someone to come along and take me by the hand. Sometimes I want someone to help me re-enter life because it is so difficult to become engaged in a full life when you are sad and physically and emotionally exhausted. But, this is not how life works. It is no one's job to rescue me. It is not up to someone to help me out of this conundrum. I have to do this on my own. Thankfully, it's not impossible to re-enter life. And, I know, eventually, this will happen for me because I am not satisfied skimming the surface of a fulfilling life. Nope, I am not content just existing well. I want to dig into life again. I am here. I want my hands to be dirty from the work of a life well lived. I want to jump back into life with both feet. Actually, I want to run straight into the unknown. I want to pause with confidence as I stand on the edge, I want to look towards the sky and blow him a kiss, And, then I will leap. Knowing full well that I will be okay as I free fall... Right now, I can close my eyes and I can feel this happening. This life is mine. For the taking. It is all unfolding somewhere in a parallel universe. Waiting for me to catch up to it. Waiting for me to reach out and grab- what is rightly mine. I can and I will take this much needed leap of faith because I know full well he is there, And, like always he will break my fall. Love never goes away. He is everywhere, Mike is here. Beside me, Like he always was. He will never leave me. I feel him. It is only me standing in my way. I don't just want to reengage in life, I need to. My Soul needs to live boldly again. I don't want to live life any other way. I want to live like he showed me... And, in time, I am certain that I will feel alive and I will live again like I did once upon a time... ~Staci [Source: Soaring Spirits International Blog]
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