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Everything posted by MartyT

  1. We're all wishing you love and blessings on your birthday, dear Darrel, as we celebrate the gift of you. ❤️ I'm so sorry that your precious Cookie isn't here to make that special cake for you . . .
  2. MartyT

    One week down

    Just wondering ~ Have you tried the dosing technique described in Finding Crying Time In Grief?
  3. I know that it isn't easy for you, Tom, but I really do admire your efforts and your willingness to stay open to possibilities. Give yourself credit for that, because you deserve it ❤️
  4. men helping men through grief- sam feldman and ken levy February 19th, 2019 by Darwyn M. Dave, Dealing With My Grief Sam Feldman and Ken Levy are members of the National Widowers’ Organization. It’s an organization created by Sam to help men deal with their grief by talking about it with other men. We have a candid discussion about losing a spouse, finding companionship after loss and the act of moving through your grief by sharing your experiences with other widowers. To listen to the podcast, please click here.
  5. Maybe invest in a dog ramp, pet steps or pet stairs? ❤️
  6. If hurting in the face of devastating loss is stupid, dear Katie, then you are in the company of lots of stupid people ~ including me ❤️
  7. My dear, you might try a useful technique known as "dosing" ~ intentionally allowing yourself to experience your grief in "doses" by setting aside a certain amount of time each day to give in totally to your grief. That way, you can allow yourself to attend to household things that need doing, knowing that you can do your mourning when your "crying time" arrives. Read more about this technique here: Finding Crying Time In Grief ❤️
  8. Blessings to you, dear George, and thank you for your heartfelt message. Yes, we are all still learning ~ from every single person in our tribe. ❤️
  9. At this point, my dear, so early in your grief, it's okay for you to try anything that soothes you and eases your pain. Pamper yourself. Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, and do what you need to take good care of yourself. There is no right or wrong way to "do" this grief of yours ~ there is only your way, and that you must discover for yourself. Grief is as individual as your fingerprint, just as your relationship with your fur baby is unique to you. Please be patient with yourself, and give yourself time to mourn the loss of this precious being in your life. ❤️
  10. No human being should have to die that way, dear Karen ~ and no mother should have to experience such a horrible, traumatic death. I am so, so sorry that this happened to you and your daughter. You have every right to be angry about it, and I'm sure you're still haunted by the memories of it. I can only hope and pray that this cannot and will not happen to anyone else ~ but I know that not all hospices are the same. Truly, Hospice of the Valley is a very special one, and I am grateful for you that your beloved Ron was treated with all the love and dignity he deserved. ❤️
  11. When my beloved Tibetan terrier died (Saying Goodbye to Beringer) I made a list of all the silly names we used to call him. I wrote down every special memory I could think of, so I wouldn't forget them. I spent hours on end sorting through all the pictures I had taken of him throughout the years, and eventually put the best ones into a photo book I made online (I used Snapfish). (Trust me, I am not tech-savvy, but if I can figure out how to do it at a time when I was totally heartbroken, anyone can!) I found a stuffed animal figure that looked like him, and placed his collar and tags around its neck, so I could hold it close and think of him whenever I looked at it. I also set aside a shelf in a bookcase where I displayed my favorite picture of him, a little box with his puppy teeth, a clipping of his fur, the container of his remains and an LED votive candle. You're only limited by your own imagination and willingness to be creative. It's a wonderful way to feel as if you're DOING something with your grief, and honoring your fur baby at the same time. You'll find some other ideas here: Memorializing Pets We Have Lost ❤️
  12. It saddens me to read stories like these. In the early years, hospices were small, intimate, local and not-for-profit. The hospice I was with for 17 years (Hospice of the Valley in Phoenix, AZ) is still non-profit and is still considered to be one of the finest in the country, even though it has grown to be one of the largest. So much has changed in recent years. Nowadays the old adage, "Let the buyer beware" applies. As consumers we must do our due diligence to make sure the hospice we select adheres to the highest standards of care. At the same time, I recognize that those who live in rural areas and smaller towns may not have many options from which to choose. See When Hospice Care Fails A Family ❤️
  13. The pain you're feeling is the measure of the love you have for your precious fur baby. Lean into that pain, and honor it as such. ❤️
  14. My oh my oh my ~ Your Whiskey is absolutely adorable! No wonder your heart is broken, and I am so sorry for your loss! Please know that hugging your husband and cuddling your baby in no way diminishes the love you still have for your fur baby! The human heart has an infinite capacity to love, and we are certainly capable of loving more than one being at a time. Doing so is not a sign of disloyalty to anyone. Love is not a contest, and there is no hierarchy involved in a household that is filled with those who love one another. Celebrate the fact that you're a person who knew, understood and experienced the absolute joy of loving a dog ~ this darling little creature who returned every ounce of that love straight back to you. Honor that love. Comfort yourself with knowing that although he is no longer with you in this physical world, the love you have for each other did not die with Whiskey. Let that love pour over you, and find whatever ways you can to remember him and honor his memory. I also invite you to read this: Pet Loss: Why Does It Hurt So Much? ❤️
  15. My dear, I am so sorry for the significant losses you've endured, and my heart reaches out to you in your pain. I don't know what policies are in place at your work place regarding support for bereaved employees, but given your boss's response to your query about compassion, I do believe that he gave you some good advice. As you have discovered, it is difficult, if not impossible, for us to hide our grief, because if we don't acknowledge it and find healthy ways to manage it, it can come out in every which-way but straight, and oftentimes in ways that we cannot control. Far better to let your co-workers know what you're going through and work with them to find ways they can help. In that sense, I must agree with what your boss told you: that you need to open up more to your co-workers and ask for their support and help. You can explain that you know you are not at your best right now, but that you are doing all you can to take care of yourself and to find healthy ways to get through this difficult time so that you'll be back up to speed at work, as soon as possible. (You might ask to have one of your co-workers assigned to monitor your work for a time, just to make sure nothing falls through the cracks.) Your boss is responsible to the company, or to whomever he reports, to see that the work gets done, and (however clumsily he may have conveyed it to you) he is relying on you to figure out how to make that happen. He recognizes that it is your co-workers who are in the best position to help you get done whatever work has been assigned to you. I invite you to read some articles listed on this page, as I hope they will give you some ideas: Grief at Work. See especially How to Manage Grief At Work (Article by Lisa Evans) I'm Grieving And I'm At Work (Article from The Last Post Blog) 3 Important Tips for Grieving at Work When Bereavement Leave Runs Out: going back to work after a death On this page you'll also find some articles that you may want to print out for your boss and co-workers to read. See, for example, How to Handle and Help With Workplace Grief - A guide for managers and coworkers on navigating the tough transitions stemming from loss by Sloane Davidson. Again, I'm so sorry for your losses, and I'm so sorry for the reasons that brought you here ~ but I am pleased that you've found your way to us. ❤️
  16. Over the next ten days, I'd also encourage you to take lots of pictures, of both the inside and outside of your home, as a way to preserve your memories. You might find these articles to be helpful as well: Saying Goodbye to a Home and Grieving Places Past from What's Your Grief? How to Say Goodbye to a Home Full of Memories by Lisa Sedlmayr Sweet Ways to Say Goodbye to Your Home by Margaret Heidenry
  17. Polly, my dear, this is your one and only life, and despite what your daughter thinks, you deserve every happiness life has to offer you. I hope you will take a look at some of the resources listed in this article: In Grief: Finding New Love After the Death of A Spouse ❤️
  18. What a cutie this one is! Happy for you, I am! ❤️
  19. And I am so happy for you as well, dear Maryann. Blessings to you and the new man in your life ❤️
  20. Blessings to each and every one of you, dear ones. Keep on taking such good care of one another. You are so very precious to me, and you are the ones who make this place so special ♥️
  21. Men, Grief, and Posttraumatic Growth Tuesday, February 12 Noon-1:30 pm ET Registration is FREE and open to the public. Men often express grief through active and cognitive grieving styles, which can be conducive to the opportunity to experience posttraumatic growth after loss. This program will have a specific focus on how veterans and military families can work towards posttraumatic growth and is appropriate for the bereaved and those who support them, including family members and friends. Presenters Bret Moore, PysD, ABPP, former active duty military psychologist and co-author of The PostTraumatic Growth Workbook Ken Doka, PhD, MDiv, professor of gerontology at the Graduate School of The College of New Rochelle and TAPS Advisory Board member Learn More
  22. And our hearts are with you too, dear Katie ♥️
  23. Do Pets Go to Heaven? ♥️
  24. Exactly, my friend. This is one of the main reasons that loss of a cherished animal companion hits us so hard. When we love someone the way you love your Joy, we bring that being into every aspect of our lives. It is an incredibly intimate relationship, and we cannot help but notice such an enormous absence. The emptiness is powerful, and the silence is deafening. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you will allow yourself ample time to mourn this loss of your Joy, and find some ways to honor her memory. You will know when you feel ready and able to give your heart to another cat, and you can thank your Joy for teaching you how to truly love an animal. ♥️
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