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Everything posted by MartyT

  1. Alisa, my dear, the resentment you feel is understandable ~ and certainly justified in light of how this man has behaved toward you. After all, you've worked hard and you've done your best to live a good and decent life ~ while these two seem to have sailed through life taking advantage of all "the system" had to offer them. I think it's only human for you to feel as you do, and I hope you will allow yourself those feelings. Oftentimes it takes more energy to deny our feelings than it does to acknowledge them and think about what's causing them. Once we acknowledge what we are feeling and why
  2. Alisa, my dear, for what it's worth, I just wanted to add my voice to Kay's in offering you support as you come to terms with this failed relationship. It seems to me that this man was looking not for a partner but for another woman who is willing to mother him. I hope you will let go of any doubt you have about refusing to buy a car for him. Remember what happened the first time when you provided him with a car: He's already demonstrated how little he values your property and your generosity. The person you described in your post is immature, lazy, irresponsible, disrespectful and sh
  3. I'm so sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult and challenging position, but pleased to know that you've found your way here with us. I understand your wanting to respect "a dying man's wishes not to talk about it" while at the same time your own need to do so leaves you feeling muzzled. Two thoughts come to mind. First, as your brother faces his diagnosis and lives whatever time is left to him, bear in mind that (just like living) dying is a process that takes place over time, and however he thinks, feels and behaves toward you right now is likely to change over the course of hi
  4. Unfortunately, no. The emotions of grief can hit us at any time, and sometimes when we least expect them ~ but that doesn't mean that we cannot learn how to manage them. See In Grief: Coping with STUGs ❤️
  5. You are so welcome, Jacqui. If you've had little or no experience with it, grief can be a frightening experience ~ but remember that since the beginning of time, people have been dealing with and surviving the most horrific losses. As I've written elsewhere, grief is not an illness or a pathological condition ~ it is a normal reaction to losing someone we love dearly, and the depth of grief we feel is in direct proportion to the attachment we have to the one we have lost ~ or in your case, to the one you're expecting to lose. In that sense, grief is the price we pay for love. There is no
  6. It makes a great deal of sense, Jacqui ~ and it serves as evidence that you do have some measure of control over your own reactions. You can do this, my dear. You ARE doing this, and we are here to support you, every step of the way. ❤️
  7. From What Is A Blog? A blog (a shortened version of “weblog”) is an online journal or informational website displaying information in reverse chronological order, with the latest posts appearing first, at the top. It is a platform where a writer or a group of writers share their views on an individual subject. And from my own Grief Healing Blog, on the web since 2009, at https://www.griefhealingblog.com: . . . this is my way of sharing with caregivers and the bereaved – and with those who care for and about them – all the online treasures I find as I work my way around the Internet, in s
  8. Oh Joyce! I'm so sorry to learn of all your heath issues ~ but we do so appreciate your letting us know! As you can see, we've been worrying about you and needed to hear from you. Please know that we are keeping you in our thoughts and hearts as you continue on this journey, and do keep us posted, as you are able to do so . . . ❤️
  9. I'm so sorry for the reason that brought you here, Jacqui ~ but pleased that you've found your way to us. You are not alone in this. We will walk beside you and offer our continued comfort, information and support. As a start, I invite you to read the following: Anticipatory Grief and Mourning Anticipatory Grief and Mourning: Suggested Resources
  10. SPRING APRIL 2021 ELETTER FROM WINGS APRIL ELETTER-CLICK HERE Nan & Gary Zastrow nanwings1@gmail.com the founders of: wingsgrief.orgWings--a Grief Education Ministry Visit Wings on FACEBOOK website: wingsgrief.org
  11. The hundreds of posts in this forum are testament to the fact that the pain of loss can be handled and worked through. You can handle the pain ~ your presence here with us is evidence that you are, in fact, handling it ~ and you will continue to do so as long as you allow yourself to acknowledge it. to feel it and to express it ~ and as long as you take care of yourself physically, even when you do not feel like doing so. See Bereavement: Doing The Work of Grief
  12. In those moments when you feel a need to "do" ~ you might try doing a bit of reading, if you're able to concentrate long enough to do so. I believe very strongly that grief can make us feel very crazy, isolated, and alone ~ unless we understand what is normal (and therefore predictable) in grief, so we can anticipate some of our reactions and discover what we can do to manage those reactions. (That is why your being here with us, among others whose losses and experiences are similar to your own, can be so helpful. We also offer lots of suggestions and reliable information you can trust.)
  13. My heart bleeds for you, my dear man, and I wish I had the words to comfort you. I can only say how grateful I am that you've found your way to this warm and compassionate place. You are with kindred spirits here, and we welcome you with open arms and caring hearts. You are not alone. We are right here beside you, hurting with you, sending you love and light. I am so very sorry for your loss . . . ❤️
  14. From Editors at VeryWellMind: The 7 Best Online Grief Support Groups of 2021: Our editors independently research, test, and recommend the best products; you can learn more about our review process here. BEST MONITORED DISCUSSION GROUP Grief Healing With a variety of grief-related articles and resources, Grief Healing is a great resource that provides access to discussion groups. Their communities offer opportunities for users to share stories and connect with others who understand loss. The site reports that their discussion groups are closely monitored and mode
  15. I can only add my voice to what Kay has said already. I don't know where you'll find the time ~ perhaps a friend or relative might be willing to do the research for you? ~ but this article lists dozens of resources that offer the sort of information and support you may find helpful: Caregiving in Serious Illness: Suggested Resources See also Caring Bridge: Creating A Network of Support Online ❤️
  16. Yes indeed, Karen ~ the same to you from all of us! ❤️
  17. Just beautiful. Brought me to tears, George. Thanks so much for sharing ❤️
  18. In Grief: Feeling Guilty for Feeling Happy ❤️
  19. One of my favorite things about living in New Jersey years ago was seeing these words framed and proudly displayed on the wall of a friend's home "down the shore," and knowing it was true: Jersey Girls Don't Pump Gas
  20. While we cannot avoid the pain that loss may bring, there are many things a couple can do to prepare themselves for the reality that one day, one of them may die. In this article, for example, the author lists the following: Create a will, living will and power of attorney. Research and purchase the appropriate life insurance policy. Have financial information in order, like budgets. Create a savings plan to cover emergencies. Keep track of online accounts and passwords. Make sure there is a list of emergency contacts.
  21. I'm so sorry for your loss ~ and I think your offering to help (in a most tangible and useful way) is wonderful. This sudden and unexpected tragedy can become for you and your wife the impetus you may need to open an ongoing discussion about your own mortality and what you might do as a couple and as a family to plan ahead. Too many of us avoid such topics and live to regret it later. ❤️
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