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Everything posted by MartyT

  1. Oh Ana ~ I'm so sorry to learn this sad news, and my heart is with you as you prepare for your final farewell ❤️ Sharing:
  2. Your Benji is such a darling, Anne, and whenever I see the photo of him before his haircut, it makes me chuckle. He reminded me of Chewbacca ~ the Wookiee co-pilot of the Millennium Falcon alongside his best friend, Han Solo in Star Wars. He looks far more dignified in the second picture ~ but it's the first one that always makes me laugh. I know how much this little fellow meant to you, and I'm so sorry that your time together was so short. I know there will always be a Benji-sized hole in your heart . . . ❤️
  3. Unfortunately for many of us, Missy, it is right around the 6-months mark that the initial shock of loss has lifted, the imaginary cushion of disbelief is completely gone, and you are hit with the full force of your grief. You've begun to recognize that yes, your person is really and truly gone and is never, ever coming back. It hits you smack in the face, it can feel as if you've been hit by a tsunami, and as the waves come crashing down, you're convinced that you will drown. You must remember to breathe. To slow down. Don't panic. Take each wave as it comes and let it wash over you, knowing
  4. I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your precious nephew, my dear. A loss like this is beyond our understanding. So sad. So unfair. I'm sure that it does feel like a nightmare ~ if it weren't for the fact that it is happening. Please know that we are thinking of you and your brother and the rest of your family as you find your way through this challenging time. I invite you to read the following, in hopes that their content speaks to you in a helpful way: Mourning A Sister's Only Child: "Where Do I Fit In?" Disenfranchised Grief: Another Bereaved Aunt Asks "Where Do I Fit In?
  5. My heart just hurts for you, my dear, and I am so very sorry for your loss. Clearly you devoted your life to caring for your precious son, and to lose him so suddenly and so unexpectedly is beyond belief. It is no wonder to me that you're not yet willing and able to remove Robbie's bed (and whatever else belonged to him). These objects represent your connection to your son, and it's not realistic to expect you to let go of them ~ most especially this soon after his death. I hope you will give yourself permission to mourn this devastating loss and take whatever time you need to do so. ❤️
  6. I'm so sorry for your loss, Sue, but gratified that you've found your way to this warm and caring place. I hope as you come to know us, you'll feel comfortable in sharing more of your story. It would help us to know more about you, the circumstances surrounding your dad's death, and whether this is your first experience with significant loss. Was your dad's death sudden and unexpected, or did it happen after a long and lingering illness? Were you with him when he died? Did you feel as if you got to say goodbye? Do you have a circle of understanding family members and friends on whom you c
  7. I say again, ask yourself: Whose needs are you meeting here? To whom does the need to apologize belong? As Gwen says, while it may make you feel better about yourself, apologizing to him "will again be putting him in a place to have to take on your feelings." You're operating from a place of "how can I make this right again between the two of us?" I understand how difficult and painful this must be for you, because clearly you are a compassionate and caring person, and you truly do want to support him in his grief and behave in a way that is consistent with your own values and beliefs. But the
  8. My dear, I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but I hope you will take to heart the wise advice you've received from those who've responded to your post. I encourage you to read the posts in our Loss of A Love Relationship forum, which may help you to see that you are neither alone in, nor responsible for, this man's reactions to your kind and sincere efforts to "be there" for him. Grief can turn one's entire life upside down, and from what you've described, that is what's happened to this man. To expect him to behave in a rational, predictable way ~ much less in a way that is kind and consi
  9. You are most welcome to talk about your beloved here, my dear. Tell us more about him! We are here for you, and we are listening . . . ❤️
  10. It's not so much that love is the price we pay. Rather, the pain of loss is the measure of our love. The more attached we are to those we've lost, the greater the pain in losing them. But love is stronger than death. Love does not die, and the bond we have with our beloved remains even after death. It is the pain we learn to let go of ~ not the love. ❤️
  11. Dear Ones, for those of you who subscribe to Netflix, I stumbled upon a series that is so touching, so real, so poignant AND funny, and so worth watching! If you can get past the rough language (which seems to be everywhere nowadays anyway) and the raunchy style of British humor, the two seasons of this show are, in a word, wonderful. The way the series portrays the pain and sorrow of grief in the wake of significant loss is moving and spot-on, and every member of the cast is perfect in their roles. Written and directed by comedian Ricky Gervais, After Life is about a man struggling to c
  12. Writing in his blog Grieve Well, bereaved dad Mark Hendricks cites the source of this checklist in his post, 55 (Yes, 55) Grief Coping Strategies
  13. In Grief: Aversion to Thoughts of "Acceptance" and "Moving On" ❤️
  14. So it is in grief, my dear ~ one step forward, two steps back. But you're still moving through this pain and sorrow ~ and we are right here beside you. ❤️
  15. May your dear brother rest in eternal peace, dear Gin, and may it comfort you to know that his suffering has ended. We are thinking of you and sending our heartfelt condolences to you and your family members . . . ❤️
  16. In Grief: Feeling Guilty for Feeling Happy (including related articles listed at the base) ❤️
  17. See also Coping with "Brain Fog" in Grief: Suggested Resources ❤️
  18. I'm not sure what you've read about this, Rita, or what specific term you're looking for ~ but it's certainly true that as children we may have been told "not to speak ill of the dead" ~ as if when someone dies we are required to remember only the good things about them, forgetting that, just like us, they were mortal human beings, with all the faults and imperfections that come with being human. Some bereaved spouses go so far as to put their deceased partners on pedestals or canonize them as saints, erasing all that was negative and forgetting whatever was bad or irritating or negative or le
  19. I'm so sorry this happenend to your beloved kitten Link, my dear, and the questions you raise are completely understandable. Unfortunately we have no answers, but we're certainly here to offer the support and comfort you need and deserve. It seems as if whatever happened to your precious Link was an accident, as it's doubtful that your boyfriend's parents set out intentionally to bring any harm to her. I hope for your sake (and that of your boyfriend) in time you'll find it in your heart to forgive them ~ but right now it's only human for you to be feeling as you do, so I hope you'll allow you
  20. You might find these articles helpful: Pet Loss and Animal Communication: Suggested Resources Pet Loss: Do Animals Go to Heaven?
  21. My heart reaches out to you in your pain, dear one, and I am so very sorry this has happened to your son, to you and your family. You don't say whether your boy's death has been confirmed by the police, and either way I cannot imagine how horrible this must be for all of you. It looks as if you're in the UK, so I'm not familiar with whatever bereavement services are available to you there, but for your sake and for the sake of your family, I hope and pray that you won't try to deal with this tragedy all by yourselves. I can point you to some resources that are available online, and I enco
  22. A Prayer for the New Year By Annette Childs, Ph.D. on Dec 30, 2020 07:39 pm This video and prayer can be used with a New Year’s burning bowl ritual. The concept behind a burning bowl is letting go and welcoming in. The steps are simple – on one side of a piece of paper, write down all that you are letting go from the prior year. On the other side, write down all that you want to welcome in. I use flying prayer paper for this, but anything works. I also prepare a small l container of water, in which I place flower petals, and I sprinkle the water around as a symbol of
  23. I am so sorry to read of the sudden, unexpected death of your beloved companion, my dear, and sorry too to learn that your family may not fully understand your pain. I hope it helps to know that here you are not alone. Here you are among kindred spirits ~ animal lovers all ~ who've been where you are now, and who most certainly do understand how much this hurts. I'm sorry for the reason that brought you here, but grateful that you've found us. ❤️ If and when you feel ready and able to do so, you might find one or more of the articles listed here to be helpful ~ and you might consider
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