MartyT

I'm so sorry, MaryMae. Still, I hope this disappointing news will convince you that, in the end, you are better without this man. (I wonder how long it will be before his mother finds a way to get rid of this new person in her son's life.) Thinking of you ❤️

I agree, MaryMae. The real problem here is the unhealthy attachment between this man and his mother. He is putting his mother's needs ahead of his own ~ and most certainly ahead of yours. Nothing you can say or do will change that. This is something that only he can change, and only if he wants to do so. Be grateful that you have enough sense to recognize the giant red flag that is warning you to walk away from this. Listen to your own good instincts, and give yourself permission to mourn what YOU have lost.

So sorry to learn of your accident, Kay! How did you manage to cut yourself so badly? Sending healing thoughts to you, for sure! ❤️

Good for you, MaryMae! Good for you! ❤️

Hoping you'll find some of these resources helpful: Mourning The Death of A Love Relationship: Suggested Resources ❤️

Update: All is well. Power is on. I am fine and I am grateful. ❤️

This storm is due to hit Sarasota this evening into tomorrow morning. My home is not in a flood zone, so the predicted "storm surge" probably won't affect me ~ just heavy rain and high wind. We are preparing for loss of power ~ that's usually what happens to us during these kinds of storms. So if you don't hear from me tomorrow or the next day, know that my electricity is down and I'll be back here ASAP. Meanwhile, please continue to take good care of one another ❤️

You might find this article helpful: Your Partner Is Not Your Therapist

I once heard a radio therapist say this to a caller: "You were not put on this earth to be your partner's therapist, and he was not put here to be yours." Clearly this man has needs that go way beyond your ability to fix, and his lack of a "great support system" is not your problem. Your first obligation is to take care of YOU ~ and that is not being selfish. Yes, you are still hurting from the breakup, and yes, you should be putting your own needs first. There is nothing selfish about that. Be strong, and continue using your own common sense and good judgment here. ❤️

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You are still very early in your grief, my friend, and the shock of losing your beloved is only just beginning to wear off. With every passing day, you're becoming more and more aware of all that you have lost. As Litsa Williams writes in Secondary Loss -- one loss isn't enough??!! : Examples of secondary loss might include the loss of your role as a husband, loss of self confidence, loss of a sense of life's purpose, loss of hope for the future, loss of your dreams for the future ~ and so on. Like all the rest of us coping with significant loss, you are in the process of coming to an understanding of the death of your wife and the enormous impact it has had, and will continue to have, on your life. After a death like this, there is no getting back to normal, dear one. Over time, as you gradually sort through all of this and come to terms with it, a "new normal” begins to take shape ~ but the missing of your beloved doesn't end with the passage of time, and the actual process of grief is never really finished, despite anyone else’s attempts to rush you through it. I'm sharing with you an important insight written by author and hospice pioneer Christine Longaker. Note that it happened two years into her grief at losing her beloved husband ~ and you are only at the five-month mark:

Help and support is available at the National Widowers’ Organization and The Men's Grief Network. Raising Children After the Loss of a Spouse Thursday, August 24, 2023, 8:30 pm Eastern Time (US and Canada) Call it, "Solo Parenting," "Survival Parenting," or "Mr. Mom," there is little doubt the loss of a spouse disrupts a household and presents extraordinary challenges to widowers who must deal with their grief and the grief and loss felt by their children. Serving as the single parent adds other challenges to managing schedules and the household alone. AJ Coleman, Adam Larson, and Joe Walko – all widowers who went through this experience – will be the panelists with Ken Levy moderating the discussion regarding raising children alone. Each of them will share their experience dealing with an infant, several young children, and teenagers in this situation.Register for this free session in advance HERE.

If you are constantly worried about this, you can be sure that your kids are worried about it, too. When young kids lose one of their parents, it is only natural for them to wonder (whether they say so or not) what will happen to them if the other parent dies. They need reassurance from you that you are in good health, that you will do all you can to be careful and stay healthy, and that there will always be someone there to take care of them if something happens to you (assuming all of that is true). Are there grandparents or other relatives in your family whom you would trust to be there for your children if you became ill or incapacitated? Have you talked with an attorney / estate planner about this? Is your will up to date? See Planning For Your Child’s Care in the Case of Death or Disability ❤️

Writing As A Healing Tool in Grief ❤️

Some set a match to their letters, letting the smoke carry their contents to the sky ~ a symbolic way of sending their message to the spirit of their loved one. You can bury the letter, or release it to a body of water, or just save it and put it in a safe place. The idea is to contruct a ritual that holds meaning for you. See, for example, Grief Rituals and the Healing Process: "In grief, rituals are an important part of the healing process. Rituals provide order to the chaos of grief. They usually involve distinctive ingredients such as candles, food, a special space or place. Rituals have a beginning, a middle and an end. They speak to our hearts and legitimize our emotions while forcing us to focus on the present. "Rituals create bridges for moving from one psychosocial status to another. From spouse to widow or from child to orphan, rituals can help with the transition. Anything that has special meaning to us may be part of our mourning ritual, from displaying photographs to bringing flowers to the grave. Again, any act done with intention can be a ritual. It’s about the intention — not just going through the motions." ❤️

I understand your missing your mom so much as you so desperately wish she were here to celebrate with you ~ but even though you cannot share your good news with her in person, perhaps you might find some way to do so symbolically. For example, you could write a letter to your mom, telling her all about your new job opportunity. The love you have for your mother has not died, and she lives on in you just as long as you keep her memory alive in your heart. She is part of your very DNA. As long as you live, so will a part of her live on in you. In that sense, she is on this new planet with you, but in a different form. Carry her in your heart. Bring her with you, live your new life in her honor, and know that you are not alone. ❤️

We are holding you in our hearts and lifting you in our prayers, dear one. You are not alone. ❤️

Religion and Spirituality in Grief In Grief: When Faith and God Don't Make Sense Why? Why Me? Searching for Answers in Grief ❤️

Excellent news, my friend. I am very proud of you for taking this step ❤️

At this relatively early point in your grief journey, my friend, the reactions you've described in your posts so far are not at all unusual. This is why it is so helpful to surround yourself with others whose losses and experiences are similar to your own. It's also helpful to have a few sessions with a qualified grief counselor, who can assess where you are in your grief and assure you that your reactions are normal and to be expected. The more you learn about what is normal in grief, the better prepared you are to understand and deal with your reactions. I can only reiterate what I've said already, my friend. Grief is not a pathological condition. Grief is the normal response to the loss of someone dearly loved. So what is normal? That depends. What is normal for someone else may not be normal for you. How each person responds to loss depends on factors that are unique to the individual: gender, age, level of personality development, how you were brought up, your past experience with loss, resilience, ability to handle crises and so on. Grief can affect you on every level: physical, cognitive, emotional, behavioral, spiritual, economic and social. It can feel as if your entire world has been turned upside down. Life as you knew it and as you expected it to be is no more. That is why it can make you feel unmoored and "crazy". While the sorrow in grief looks and feels a lot like depression, it is not the same as clinical depression. See, for example, Grief vs. Depression: What You Need to Know Grief and Depression: Are They Different? Using Antidepressants to Manage Grief Seeing A Specialist in Grief Counseling: Why It Matters

Recommended Grief Resources from Men's Grief Network: Find a comprehensive list of resources on bereavement here. People who are grieving often find it difficult to get to right organizations to help them learn about the grieving experience. Moreover, men tend to isolate themselves sometimes, so the family can’t help either. These resources are selected here to support them and give them guidance. You’ll find a list of recommended books, blogs, and other organizations offering grief support. Read on here: https://mensgriefnetwork.org/resources/ ❤️

Children need structure and discipline along with empathy and understanding, whether they are grieving or not. The key is the same as it's always been: Keep the lines of communication open. If dealing with your kids was "all very easy" before, that tells me that you already know how to be a good dad. Your kids still will look to you for guidance, and your job is the same as it ever was. You are their role model. That has not changed. You need and deserve the support of other grieving dads, and there are lots of organizations that offer such support. Take a look at some of the resources listed here: Resources for Young Widow(er)s. A book you might find helpful is The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life. Here is Amazon's description: The Group offers a singular perspective on grief by weaving together the latest thinking on bereavement, resiliency and post-traumatic growth with the true story of seven men who were raising children on their own after the deaths of their wives. The men connected with each almost immediately, and over the next several years forged a deep bond as their monthly meetings evolved into a forum for healing and personal reinvention that transformed them in unexpected ways. The authors co-led the support group and partnered with the men to write their story, which is interspersed with the latest in bereavement research conveyed in an easily relatable way. The fathers' touching efforts to care for themselves, their families, and each other offers a gripping narrative that shows how each of us has the potential to rebuild new and meaningful lives. Powerful, enlightening and hopeful, The Group will help you make sense of grief and inspire you to reimagine your life moving forward. ❤️