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MartyT

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  1. My dear friend, I’m so sorry to learn of the tragic death of your beloved brother, and I cannot imagine the devastating effects this has had on your family. You say you don’t think you have grieved fully for your brother “although my therapist thinks I have.” I’m not sure what this means, but at the very least it’s an indication that you and your therapist are not “on the same page” regarding your treatment plan. Have you discussed this with each other? Do you know whether your therapist specializes in the treatment of grief and loss? I don’t know how long you’ve been in treatment with this person, but as a consumer of health care, I hope you know that you have every right to ask what sort of training, experience and certification qualifies any person to be helping you with your grief issues, and if you’re not satisfied with the treatment you’re receiving from this particular person, you should feel free to find another therapist. That said, I encourage you to take the time to read some of the other posts in this forum, which contain information that I hope you will find helpful: 10 Years Since I Lost My Older Brother, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=2831 My Baby Sister Is Gone, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=12034
  2. Dear One, I'm so sorry to learn the sad news about your beloved Mr. Boo, and sorry, too, that you find yourself feeling exactly as you did when Petey died. (I remember that well, my dear friend.) The difference now is that you know you've been here before, you know you can survive, and you know what to do to help yourself. Please remember that when you mourn the loss of a very special love, you grieve at 100%, and that is what you're doing now. You know what you need to do to get through this, and you know that it won't always feel as bad as it does right now. You've already taken some important steps to help yourself ~ one of which is coming here. We are here for you, we've wrapped our arms around you, and we will not let you walk this difficult path alone.
  3. And my dear Kay, how generous and loving you are to be sharing so openly and honestly what you are learning with all the rest of us. Your contributions to this site, and to this forum in particular, are invaluable. Bless your kind and caring heart
  4. Mary Linda, dear, I think there are enough animal lovers among us to understand how difficult this is for you ~ and of course you are in our prayers
  5. Dear One, I’m so sorry to learn of the tragic death of your beloved grandson, and I can only imagine how devastating this must be for you and the rest of your family. And of course your life is forever changed as a result -- because we are not supposed to outlive our children, are we? And certainly not our grandchildren. For you this is a double loss, because you’re not only mourning the loss of your grandson, but coping with the inconsolable grief of your daughter as well. I don’t know how you found us, but I hope you'll take time to visit each of the pages on my Grief Healing Web site, at www.griefhealing.com - it contains a wealth of information as well as links to many other wonderful sites, each of which I've reviewed personally. See especially the links listed on the Death of an Infant, Child or Grandchild page, http://www.griefhealing.com/death-infant-c...-grandchild.htm. Many of these sites were developed by parents and grandparents whose feelings and experiences may be similar to your own. In addition to what is available to you online, I sincerely hope that you've found someone to talk to about this. The loss of a child is a burden much too heavy to bear alone. Sharing your feelings, reactions and experiences with another (a trusted friend or family member, a bereavement counselor, someone on the Internet, a clergy person or in a support group comprised of other grieving parents and grandparents) gives you a safe place to express yourself, helps you understand that what you're feeling is normal, and may give you the hope that if others have found a way to survive a loss like this, then you will find your own way, too. I strongly suggest that you contact your local library, mortuary or hospice organization to find out what bereavement resources are available in your own community If you haven’t already done so, I also encourage you to contact your local chapter of The Compassionate Friends, whose mission is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age, and to provide information to help others be supportive. (The chapter locator is at http://www.compassionatefriends.org/Local_...er_Locator.aspx.) Find and read some of the wonderful books about coping with the death of a child that will help you learn what to expect in the weeks and months ahead, and that will reassure you that you are not alone in this grief of yours. See my site’s Articles ~ Columns ~ Books page for suggestions, at http://www.griefhealing.com/articles-columns-books.htm. I also want to refer you to an interview that took place recently with Patricia Loder, Executive Director of The Compassionate Friends. This woman transformed her grief into a way to help others who have shared the experience of losing a child. In this interview with Hospice Foundation of America's Lisa Veglahn, Patricia discusses what she has learned through her own experience as a grieving parent, and the role that her organization now plays in helping grieving parents, grandparents, siblings and others who are struggling with the death of a beloved child.You can read the interview by clicking this link, or by cutting and pasting it into your browser: http://hfahospice.blogspot.com/2008/12/int...-executive.html I hope that you are keeping your primary care physician informed as to what's going on in your life, following his or her advice, and doing all you can to take good care of yourself physically as well as emotionally. I have no profound answers as to how you live with this, my dear, other than to encourage you not to try to travel this grief journey alone. And as other bereaved mothers and grandmothers have learned, you will do this just as you are doing it now: day-to-day, one day at a time, and if that is too much, one hour or even just one moment at a time. I’ve said it elsewhere, but it bears repeating: I happen to think that someone in your shoes deserves a medal of honor just for having the courage to get out of bed in the morning. Please know that all of us here are thinking of you, pulling for you and holding you gently in our collective hearts.
  6. My dear friend, I'm so very sorry to learn of the tragic accident that took the life of your precious son. I hope that, as you are able, you will read through some of the other posts in this forum and see that you are not alone. We are here for you, wrapping our arms around you, walking beside you in your sorrow, and holding you and your family in gentle thought and prayer.
  7. Oh Mel, I think what you did for this girl is extraordinary, and I hope you won't be too hard on yourself for "losing it" in front of her friends. I'll bet there wasn't one among them who was not moved by your outward expression of sorrow ~ it's the stuff of which empathy is made, and you may have taught these youngsters another valuable lesson about life and love and loss. I am reminded of what these wise writers have to say about shedding tears: But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer. — Viktor E. Frankl There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. — Washington Irving I used to wonder if there would ever come a day when I would stop weeping for my dead child. I thought of tears as a reaction to my feelings of deep grief. Gradually I came to realize that the shedding of tears was part of my healing, like a cool salve on a wound. My tears are my gift to myself, a way of physically acknowledging the love I have for my child, a way of saying, “I love you to the innermost depth of my being.” Tears have an almost spiritual healing power, an expression of deep love for the ones for whom we weep. — Ann Dawson Above all, don’t be shy about crying. Crying is coping. In fact, I suggest you don’t miss an opportunity to cry – it will be good for your body and soul. Crying is at once an act of cleansing and releasing. Your tears will remove some of the toxic byproducts that have built up in your body due to the stress of grief. I promise . . . you will feel better. – Louis LaGrand
  8. Dear Ones, I want to share with you an interesting article I read online this morning that fits this discussion: ‘Don’t Leave Me Here Without You’ - Why Caring For a Spouse is So Difficult, by Carol O'Dell, http://opentohope.com/hope/dealing-with-grief/dealing-with-loss/death-of-a-spouse/dont-leave-me-here-without-you-why-caring-for-a-spouse-is-so-difficult/ ://http://opentohope.com/hope/dealing-...-so-difficult/
  9. Good point, Cubby ~ and Tobi, you might find this article helpful: I Don't Care How Long It's Been ~ Can We Talk about My Loved One? http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=1315
  10. I'm sure it was a major reminder, Mel, and that's a very common reaction ~ one of those "grief triggers" that can make you feel as if you're right back where you started. But you're not backsliding ~ you're making steady forward progress. Remember that reacting to a grief trigger is normal, it's temporary and it will pass . . .
  11. And dear Boo, while you're acknowledging everyone else, make sure you give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage and the good sense to ask for and obtain the help you need. Grief work is some of the hardest work we'll ever have to do, and it is sheer folly for any of us to think that we can do it all by ourselves. Good for you!
  12. Oh nuts, Wendy ~ you're right. I'm sorry. Normally I use Firefox, but when I clicked on the link using Explorer, I got an Error message. So let's try this instead: Go to Fresh Widow home page, http://freshwidow.blogspot.com and on the right side you'll see "Get Yr Own Widow Cards! (Or Widower Cards)" and click on the card. Instructions and PDF will appear in a pop-up to the left.
  13. Rosanne, dear ~ I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your father, and I can only imagine how difficult these past two years have been for you. At the same time, I'm pleased to know that you've found your way back here to us, because you know we won't let you travel this path alone . . .
  14. Yousha, I too am pleased to learn of your plans to participate in a face-to-face support group ~ in addition to your membership in this warm and caring group, of course. Please know that it is never too late to do the work of mourning . . .
  15. Gerald, dear, I am moved by the article you've shared and deeply sorry for your loss . I hope you'll spend some time reading some of the other posts in this forum, so you'll see that you are not alone in your grief and you'll learn that your thoughts and feelings are normal. When you feel ready to do so, please tell us more about your brother ~ what is special about him, the role you played in each other's lives and so on. You need to tell the details of your story, and we are more than willing to listen . . .
  16. Elizabeth, dear ~ You may find the posts in this thread helpful: Not Sleeping, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=2561
  17. Dear Ones, I've just discovered a resource I want to share with you, courtesy of the blogger Fresh Widow (http://freshwidow.blogspot.com). She writes: Introducing My New (FREE) Product! The Widow Card! One night in my support group, S. said casually that he’d “left work early… I just pulled a widower card.” I thought about how often I’d done this in the months since LH died, but more about how I could make good use of some little advantage. All the handicaps I was living with… single (really, double) parenting, how impossible it was to go grocery shopping with a toddler, and how no one could see that anything was wrong. The side of me that is tempted to shoplift (but only cashmere or chocolate) was aroused. Read more here: http://freshwidow.blogspot.com/2009/01/int...duct-widow.html
  18. Dear Ones, Please be aware of the following food recall from Nutro Products: Franklin, Tennessee (May 21, 2009) -- Today, Nutro Products announced a voluntary recall of select varieties of NUTRO® NATURAL CHOICE® COMPLETE CARE® Dry Cat Foods and NUTRO® MAX® Cat Dry Foods with "Best If Used By Dates" between May 12, 2010 and August 22, 2010. The cat food is being voluntarily recalled in the United States and ten additional countries. This recall is due to incorrect levels of zinc and potassium in our finished product resulting from a production error by a US-based premix supplier. Two mineral premixes were affected. One premix contained excessive levels of zinc and under-supplemented potassium. The second premix under-supplemented potassium. Both zinc and potassium are essential nutrients for cats and are added as nutritional supplements to NUTRO® dry cat food. This issue was identified during an audit of our documentation from the supplier. An extensive review confirmed that only these two premixes were affected. This recall does not affect any NUTRO® dog food products, wet dog or cat food, or dog and cat treats. Affected product was distributed to retail customers in all 50 states, as well as to customers in Canada, Mexico, Japan, Korea, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, and Israel. We are working with all of our distributors and retail customers, in both the US and internationally, to ensure that the recalled products are not on store shelves. These products should not be sold or distributed further. Consumers who have purchased affected product should immediately discontinue feeding the product to their cats, and switch to another product with a balanced nutritional profile. While we have received no consumer complaints related to this issue, cat owners should monitor their cat for symptoms, including a reduction in appetite or refusal of food, weight loss, vomiting or diarrhea. If your cat is experiencing health issues or is pregnant, please contact your veterinarian. Consumers who have purchased product affected by this voluntary recall should return it to their retailer for a full refund or exchange for another NUTRO® dry cat food product. Cat owners who have more questions about the recall should call 1-800-833-5330 between the hours 8:00 AM to 4:30 PM CST. Remember, this affects only NUTRO CAT food marked with the dates identified above. For more detailed product information, visit www.nutroproducts.com and click on "Dry Cat Food Voluntary Recall." Please direct any questions about the food to the 800# listed above.
  19. If you've ever felt inclined to share your story ~ or to let Hospice of the Valley (HOV) know what you think of our Grief Healing Discussion Groups Web site ~ here is your opportunity to do so: From Hospice of the Valley's June 2009 ENews: Share Your Story Hospice of the Valley is about stories - stories of love, loss and healing. We would like to hear the story of you and your loved one's journey. A new interactive feature on our web site allows people in the community to tell us about their hospice experiences. Visit here to tell us yours: http://www.hov.org/submit_your_story.aspx
  20. 10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers by Abel Keogh Dating again after the death of a spouse can be an awkward experience. It can bring out feelings of guilt and betrayal for the person dating again. It can also bring out feelings of confusion and concern from friends, family, and those who were close to the deceased spouse. If you’ve lost a spouse and are looking to date again, here are 10 tips to make sure you’re able to successfully navigate the dating waters. Read on: http://opentohope.com/hope/dealing-with-gr...ers-needs-edit/
  21. Ideas for Mothers' Day or Fathers' Day Compiled by Kara L.C. Jones KotaPress Editor There are many bereaved parents who have contacted me over the last four years since my own son died. Many have found me through the MISS Foundation, some have been in touch after reading on our KotaPress website, others have approached me in person after a reading or presentation I’ve done along the way. But no matter what the circumstance, they have all told me that they are grateful for the idea that their parenthood continues after the death of their children. And in that vein, most are floored if they are remembered on Mothers’ Day or Fathers’ Day. Most are woefully ignored or neglected on these made-up-hallmark-holidays. And most suffer deeply from having their parenthood ignored on these flower-filled-chocolate-giving-serve-breakfast-in-bed days. With that in mind, I’m compiling the following list of ideas for partners, siblings, care givers, anyone-who-cares-about-the-well-being-of-the-bereaved-parent as a way to suggest what you might do to recognize the parenthood of ALL parents on Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day. Read more here: http://kotapress.com/section_articles/holi...collabIdeas.htm
  22. Shelley, dear ~ I cannot predict what will happen when you are reunited with Chelsea this weekend, but over the years I've had occasion to meet up with dogs I've had to relinquish for one reason or another, and every single one of them remembered me ~ no matter how long it had been since we'd been apart. Dogs are amazing creatures, and I don't think they ever forget the people who've loved them the most. Just get down to her eye level and begin talking to her, and I'm willing to bet that she will recognize you and shower you with puppy kisses. Go with a positive attitude and a heart filled with love, and I have a very strong feeling that Chelsea will know exactly who you are. Let us know how it goes, okay?
  23. Yolanda, dear ~ I'm so sorry . . . My heart broke into little pieces as I read your touching and inspiring story ~ and thank you for sharing with us all those pictures of your precious little Princess. I've taken the liberty of adding a link to your blog on the Death of An Infant, Child or Grandchild page of my Grief Healing Web site. You'll find it here: Yolanda's Blog, Honoring Her Beautiful Princess D'Lon Grace, http://www.griefhealing.com/death-infant-c...-grandchild.htm
  24. The Compassionate Friends Walk to Remember® was created as a symbolic way to show the love we carry for the children we mourn. Held on the final day of the national conference (August 9th this year) it starts at the host hotel of the conference. There is an air of excitement and anticipation as everyone gathers in preparation for the start of the Walk. Finally the Walk begins and people walk hand- in-hand meditating on a much different time in their lives. Since its inception in 2000, the Walk to Remember has taken on many distinctive facets. There is the main Walk to Remember where those attending the conference join with local bereaved families and others who fly in from across the country just for the Walk. As many as 1400 participate. Some go the full distance while others only walk a short way knowing that in participating, they are remembering. Special Walk to Remember T-shirts are given to all who register, as well as walk bibs where the names of the children being remembered can be written. In conjunction with the main walk, people across the country send in the names of the children for whom they grieve to be carried in the walk. These are printed on sheets of paper and carried by volunteers. More than 10,000 names are estimated to have been carried by those participating in a single Walk to Remember. The Walk to Remember is also used as a major fundraiser to help support the work of The Compassionate Friends. Others may participate in the Friends Asking Friends® virtual walk fundraiser where individuals, teams, and chapters register online and, using e-mail and other methods, raise monies that support the programs of The Compassionate Friends both on a national and chapter level. As much as $80,000 has been raised through the Friends Asking Friends program, which continues to grow every year as more and more participate. And finally, concurrent walks are held by Compassionate Friends chapters in many communities across the country. These are organized by the local chapters and can number as high as three or four hundred participants. For further information, visit the Walk to Remember page of the Compassionate Friends Web site.
  25. Thanks to our friend Sandy Goodman, over the weekend I was notified of the following radio program, which I've just now had a chance to review. I now want to share it with any of you who may be interested. It's a nice opportunity to "meet" Allison Dubois (the inspiration behind NBC's hit show, MEDIUM) as she discusses her beliefs and experiences regarding after-death communication, life after death, and grief and loss. She is interviewed during the first 20 minutes of the program: Join Us for an interview with Allison Dubois on The Psychic and The Doc Radio Show Mrs. Dubois talks about her life as a medium, shares her experiences of communicating with the other side, and discusses her upcoming events and activities. From solving homicide cases in the District Attorney's office to touching the lives of families suffering from grief, she has a unique experience that will surely touch the heart and soul of radio listeners. Please join Mary Jo and her son Brett (the psychic and the doc) as they visit with Allison, online at www.thepsychicandthedoc.com
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