MartyT

Thank you for recommending this movie, Boo. Films like this can be very useful if chosen deliberately as an aid in the mourning process. See, for example, Grief Observed: Using Movies to Move through Grief by Marty Tousley, Bereavement Counselor Movies and DVD rentals that dramatize others coming to terms with their pain may serve as a valuable tool to help you and your family members move through the grieving process. In this spirit, this list of movies for those in mourning is offered, categorized by the aspect of grief primarily addressed in a given film or DVD. For description of movies and reviews, click movie title. Click here to read more.

Talia, dear ~ when you see a counselor or therapist for matters related to grief, it's important to know whether the counselor / therapist has any background, training and experience in bereavement. This is like seeing any other health care provider; some are generalists and some are specialists. Not all counselors and therapists are knowledgeable about and specifically trained in bereavement counseling and grief therapy. It's okay to ask whether your counselor / therapist is certified in this particular area of expertise, just as you would ask a surgeon what his specialty is before you let him (or her) operate on you. You may find the following discussion helpful. Be sure to follow all the links you'll find in this thread, too: Can anyone tell me if therapy helps?

Wendy, dear, there is a message for you here: Memorial Candle

Dana, dear, I'm so sorry to learn this sad news about your beloved baby Beau, and I know your heart is broken into pieces. Please know that we are holding you gently and thinking of you today . . .

Mel, dear, I wonder if you have angels looking after you ~ perhaps sent to you by your dear husband. I don't know ~ but isn't it pretty to think so?

Cricket, dear, I agree with Leeann's suggestion "not to worry too much" about which stage of grief you are in. Many authors have written about the so-called "Stages of Grief" ~ you mentioned seven stages, and most of us have heard about the five stages of dying originally described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her still popular book, On Death and Dying. Since that book was first published (in 1969), many people have taken her findings much too literally, expecting the dying process to occur in neatly ordered stages, one following the other. The stages of dying originally described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross are: 1) Denial and Isolation 2) Anger 3) Depression 4) Bargaining 5) Acceptance As wonderful as her groundbreaking work in death and dying was, Kubler-Ross's "stages" model was never meant to apply to those who are in mourning. Her studies were focused on patients who were terminally ill and dying. That is a common mistake you will find repeatedly in the literature still today. But there has been a wealth of research done since Kubler-Ross' pioneering work that focuses specifically on bereavement, loss and grief. We now know that grief is the normal response to the death of a loved one, and it doesn't happen in neatly ordered "stages" as such. Most of us who specialize in grief counseling prefer to think of grief as the personal experience of the loss, and mourning as a process (not a single event) that can affect us in every dimension of our lives: physical, emotional, social, spiritual and financial. Everyone's grief journey is unique, and there is no specific time-frame for it. Although grief is different for each individual, finding a way through it successfully requires some knowledge and understanding of the normal grief experience and the work of mourning. That is one reason why you'll find this site so helpful, because so many of the posts here are packed with useful information that comes from the hearts and minds of people who have walked this grief journey before you, learned some very valuable lessons, and are willing to share their hard-won experience with those who come after them.

Dear Ones, You may want to read this series of articles by poet Meghan O'Rourke, as over time she writes about the death of her mother: The Long Goodbye

Dear Ones, This message comes to us from Angie Rupra, M.S.W., R.S.W., Pet Loss Program Coordinator, Pet Vet Hospitals, Ontario, Canada: *PLEASE CIRCULATE WIDELY* If you or someone you know has experienced the loss of a companion animal, don't miss this event! *It will be full of information, resources, and the chance to connect with others who have experienced the profound loss that comes with losing a beloved pet. *Pet tribute and song writer, TheDeadDogLady.Com, will be performing throughout the day! *A remembrance vigil will take place at 1pm. This will be a chance for us to formally remember and celebrate our beloved animal companions through a range of hands-on activities. If you are comfortable in doing so, please bring an item that you can post on the “Forever in Our Hearts” board (e.g., picture, piece of writing, etc.) Please see attached flyer for more details or visit www.petvethospitals.ca. For more information, please contact me at 1-866-226-8079, ext. 55 or angie.rupra@petvethospitals.ca. We look forward to seeing you there! Angie Rupra, M.S.W., R.S.W. Pet Loss Program Coordinator Pet Vet Hospitals WPMD2009Flyer.doc

Laurena, dear ~ I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved Fozzi, and I hope you'll continue to find some comfort here. I'm struck by your comment, "I do want to get another cat. Actually two. But I am terrified that they are going to want to go outside. I dont want my new kitty to even think about trying to get outside." It seems to me that, as the responsible adult guardian in this situation, whether or not a new kitty gets to go outside is strictly up to you ~ not up to the new kitty. Perhaps one way you can honor Fozzi, and find some meaning in his death, is to identify any lessons you may have learned from this awful tragedy. You might want to do some reading about this matter of keeping your cat (or cats) indoors. See, for example, Your Cat -- Indoors or Out? The Great Debate: Indoor Versus Outdoor Cats (If a pop-up ad for PetPlace appears when you go to this site, simply click on "Close this Window," and it will disappear.)

Amanda, dear, I want to point you to a lengthy and informed discussion that took place here a while ago that I hope you'll find helpful. Please take the time to read through all the posts in this thread: Complicated Grief Disorder

Talia, dear, see also the links mentioned in this post: Panic Attack?

Boo, I don't mean to interrupt this thread, but in the interest of full disclosure, I feel a need to respond to your statement that ". . . Marty couldn't possibly find the time to check every post all day long." I think it's important for our members to know that while I don't "sit" on this board day and night, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, I do, indeed, check it several times a day, and I do read each and every single message that is posted in each and every forum on this site. That is what Hospice of the Valley expects me to do, as one of the moderators of our Grief Healing Discussion Groups ~ and that is one of the characteristics that sets our site apart from so many others out there in cyberspace. Research has demonstrated that message boards for the bereaved can be powerful sources of healing, provided that they are professionally monitored. Although I read every single post, you will notice that I do not respond to each and every message that is posted, and that is intentional on my part. I will "jump in" now and then to answer a specific question, to point someone to another resource, or simply because I have something to say ~ but I do not see myself as the "expert" here. I see each of you as the experts in your own individual grief experience. I am here to protect, support, encourage and inform ~ but also to learn, too ~ and you all are the most wonderful, generous and compassionate teachers I could ever hope to find. Beautiful, too, I might add

Oh my very dear Teny! I have tears of joy in my eyes and relief in my heart as I read your good, good news. How blessed this little darling is to have you as her grandmother, and may she grow to be as beautiful as she was when God first thought of her. We all share in your happiness this day ~ your granddaughter's BIRTHDAY. Hooray for you

Kevin, dear, if others don't understand, it's because they don't appreciate the special relationship you had with Tiger. This is your love, and your loss, and only you can measure how much Tiger means to you and therefore, how very much you have lost. Don't let anyone else tell you how much you "should" or "shouldn't" be loving him, missing him, and grieving for him. You've found the right place to take your grief. Here you won't find anyone who'll pass judgment on your legitimate right to mourn the death of your loyal companion.

Amanda, dear, you've come to the right place, and we all welcome you here. Why not begin simply by telling us your story? Can you tell us what happened, and share with us the details of the loss you experienced almost eight years ago?

And Talia, I know this sounds ridiculous, but when the pain and sobbing let up a bit, simply remember to breathe. That little one inside you needs that precious oxygen, and so do you. When you find yourself unable to focus on anything else, just focus on your breath. Sit or lie down, find a comfortable position, breathe in as deeply as you can through your nose, hold it for a moment, and exhale s-l-o-w-l-y through your mouth. Do this at least ten times in a row. This simple exercise is a marvelous way to nourish yourself and help bring your body back into a healthy balance. It's good for you, and good for your baby too.

Teny, dear, just click on these underlined words: Light a Candle: Online Memorial Ritual , and you'll be taken to our online candle site. Then just hover your mouse over the candles that are lit, and click on each one to read the messages that you will find there.

Teny, dear ~ This online candle is to let you know that we're all thinking of you today: Light a Candle: Online Memorial Ritual

Tim, dear, that is precisely why we're here: to listen without judgment or reproach, and to walk beside you as you make your way through this journey called grief ~ no matter how long or how difficult the road. Remember that when you are in mourning, you are especially raw and vulnerable, and everything you're hearing, reading, and seeing right now is passing through that dark filter of grief. Given what you've lost and how you feel right now, is it any wonder that the world and everything in it seems so empty and hopeless? A few moments ago in an article I was reading, these words stood out for me, and I want to pass them on to you, because I think they apply ~ not only to those of us bound by the common experience of loss, but also to our nation and to the world, as we face the difficult challenges ahead: We go through situations that test the mettle of our souls, but once we get through them, we become stronger.

It's just beautiful, Mel ~ a gift from your beloved Bob, I'm sure. Just keep going, stay safe, and know that we're all right here beside you, every step of the way . . .

Lucia, dear, I see that you figured out how to start your own thread ~ Good for you! We know that using this message board can feel overwhelming at first, but once you get the hang of it, you'll find it's not so difficult, and I think you'll be pleased that you found your way to this compassionate and caring family of ours. Others can find your new thread by clicking on this link: http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=30321

We're all right there in that car with you and your dog, Mel. Be safe and know that you're not alone on this journey . . .

Congratulations, Kath, and welcome to your new little one: Sassie B. Grace ~ I love it

Oh Shelley ~ You're right up there with the First Family, taking a new pup into your heart Always remember, Shelley, that we human beings have an infinite capacity to love, and when it comes to animals, you can always find another chamber in your heart for another dog to fill, if you're ready and willing to be open to the possibility, and that does not diminish in any way the love you will always have for Bogey and Chelsea. I am looking forward to seeing a picture of this labradoodle named Pepsi ~ I mean, how cute is that?

Oh our dear and precious friend from far away ~ we're so very sorry to learn this awful news. Teny, please know that you are not alone in your grief, because we're all here sharing it with you, praying with you, loving you, holding you.