MartyT

Wendy, dear ~ May the love of family and friends (including all the members of your GH family here) bring you comfort and peace today . . .

Our prayers are with you today, too, dear Teny

Dear One ~ I'm so sorry about your beloved companion's failing health and advancing age. Have you considered talking with your folks about this, so you all can avoid repeating whatever mistakes were made in the past? Sometimes parents mishandle situations like this one in a misguided effort to protect their children from pain ~ but as your story so clearly illustrates, it simply does not work. It may help for you to read this article and share it with your parents, as a way to open a discussion with them about their plans for Ginger: How Do We Tell Our Son His Dog Has Died? See also Thinking it Through: Exploring Questions about Euthanasia.

Bless your warm and caring heart, Patti

Connecting with a church, hospital or other community organization to share your interest in starting (or helping to start) a grief support group is a wonderful idea, Annie. After all, that's how most support groups get started! If that idea appeals to you at all, Teny, you might begin by doing some reading on the subject. This article offers some useful information: Support Group Start-Up Tips There are also some wonderful books about how to facilitate grief support groups; here are some that I especially like: The Understanding Your Grief Support Group Guide: Starting and Leading a Bereavement Support Group (Understanding Your Grief series) by Alan D. Wolfelt The Support Group Manual: A Session-By-Session Guide by Harriet Sarnoff Schiff Death and Grief: Healing Through Group Support by Harold Ivan Smith Six Simple Weeks: A Caring Manual for Support Group Leaders, by Eloise Cole and Joy Johnson

Thank you for letting us know, Mary Linda ~ and we'll certainly keep Jan in our thoughts and prayers. Maybe you could invite Jan to add Dale's angelversary to our Special Days Calendar . . .

Courtney, dear ~ What a beautiful song! Just now I found two renditions of it on YouTube: Into the West with Happy Rhodes, Into the West from Lord of the Rings, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v-eKTTVmNQ Would you consider adding it to our list of recommended songs on our Grief Songs page? (If you're not yet familiar with it, you can read more about our special Grief Songs Web page in this thread: Music, Share Any That Touches You ) Since you're a college sophomore, I think you may find the posts in this thread of interest as well ~ and be sure to read all the posts in the entire thread: Communication: How? When? Is It Necessary?

Dear One, I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your precious baby Ryan two weeks ago, and I hope you will accept my deepest sympathy. As a bereaved mom myself, I do know how it feels to lose a precious infant. Although it happened many years ago, when my own newborn baby David died unexpectedly after an uneventful pregnancy at the age of three days, the world as I knew it (and as I expected it to be) was suddenly turned upside down, and everyone in my corner of the world (except my husband) acted as if nothing of much consequence had happened. No one at home or at work or among my dearest friends would talk with me about it at all. I had no place to take my sorrow; back then there were no grief counselors, no grief support groups, not even articles or books about the grief that accompanies the death of an infant, and certainly no Internet with Web sites and forums aimed at grieving mothers. While things have changed considerably since then, thank goodness, the sad fact remains that the death of a premature infant -- or even the death of a newborn at full term -- is trivialized by our society as a fairly insignificant occurrence, which can leave you feeling very angry, isolated and alone. Your heartache may be misunderstood by others, which can give you the impression that it is inappropriate and even abnormal to be mourning the loss of your baby. But the death of any baby is worthy of tears and grief, no matter what the age! And if you really wanted and planned for this pregnancy, you've lost much more than your baby. You lost all the hopes and dreams you may have had for your little one as well. You've lost the opportunity to mother your son, to hold him, to love him and to watch him grow up. I can only imagine what you must be feeling and thinking, because it is only human to question "Why me? Why my baby?" Keep in mind that feelings are neither right or wrong, good or bad -- they just are, and we cannot always help what we feel. Right now you have every right to feel angry, hurt, singled out, and heaven knows what else. What matters is what we do with what we are feeling, and feelings that are stuffed just sit there and fester. Feelings that are acknowledged and expressed will dissipate. I don't know where you are taking your feelings about all of this, but I sincerely hope that you will make an effort to find others who've experienced miscarriage or early infant loss, so that you will feel understood and validated, and not so alone in your pain. Grieving is difficult enough without having to do it all alone. Since this loss feels so unresolved and is demanding your attention now, I would expect that you still need to find someone to talk to about it -- someone who understands first-hand the trauma of infant death. Sharing your feelings, reactions and experiences with others in an "in person" support group comprised of other grieving mothers gives you a safe place to express yourself, helps you understand that what you are feeling is normal, and may give you the hope that if others have found a way to survive a loss like this, then you will find your own way, too. You might consider contacting your local hospice organization, mortuary, church or synagogue, or even your local library, and ask what bereavement support services are available in your own community for mothers who've suffered a miscarriage or early infant loss. It’s also beneficial for you to spend some time on the Internet, exploring many of the caring sites devoted to this important topic. Most of these sites have been developed by bereaved mothers, whose feelings and experiences may be similar to your own. Many of them are listed on the Death of an Infant, Child, Grandchild page of my own Grief Healing Web site. Examples: The Compassionate Friends: Grief Support after the Death of a Child Kota Press: Grief Resources for Bereaved Parents MISS - Mothers in Sympathy and Support SHARE - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Unite, Inc.: Grief Support after Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death And here are four books I've read myself and highly recommend: Life Touches Life: A Mother's Story of Stillbirth and Healing Silent Grief: Miscarriage ~ Finding Your Way through the Darkness Forever Our Angels The Angel Tales: Refuge for a Parent’s Healing Heart I sincerely hope this information helps, my dear, and please know that we are thinking of you at this sad and difficult time.

Lee, dear, I too am so sorry to learn of the death of your beloved Sara, and I hope you know that here, you are among fellow animal lovers who will walk this path of grief beside you. I don't know if you've discovered it yet, but if not, I hope you'll pay a visit to my Grief Healing Web site, which offers additional information, comfort and support. Meanwhile, know that you are being held gently in our hearts.

Grief Bibliography Originally posted by Dusky, one of our dearest members and author of his own book, Finding My Banana Bread Man: A Journey through Mourning, this is an ever-growing list of books specifically recommended by members our GHDG family. Whenever any of our other members recommends a book, you'll notice that we've added that title as well, along with a link to the post in which their recommendation appears. (Titles are listed in the order in which they've been recommended. To see these same titles listed in alphabetical order, go to Grief Bibliography.) For your convenience, you can click on any of the book titles listed below, and you'll be taken directly to Amazon's description and reviews of each book on the list. Note that you are under no obligation to purchase from Amazon, but be aware that doing so via the links on this page will help support the maintenance of our Grief Healing websites. Grief Healing is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn modest advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. You will find many of these titles in your local public library, or you can ask if your librarian will order them for you. (Note: If you are looking for books written especially for those who are anticipating or coping with the loss of a cherished companion animal, you'll find a list of those here: Books, Book Excerpts on Pet Loss.) If you have a book that has spoken to you in a special way or that you found to be particularly helpful, please let us know, so we can add it to our list! 1. Surviving the Death of Your Spouse: A Step-by-Step Workbook, by Deborah S. Levinson 2. Caregiving, by Beth Witrogen McLeod 3. Grief's Courageous Journey: A Workbook, by Sandi Caplan and Gordon Lang 4. Life after Loss: A Practical Guide, by Bob Deits 5. Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul, by Jack Canfield and Mark Hanson 6. Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life, by Jon Kabat-Zinn 7. Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart, by Stephen Levine 8. Surviving Grief and Learning to Live Again, by Catherine M. Saunders 9. The Mourning Handbook, by Helen Fitzgerald 10. Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas, by Alan D. Wolfelt 11. Life Lessons, by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler 12. How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies , by Therese A. Rando (recommended by Cheryl) 13. A Year to Live: How to Live This Year As If It Were Your Last, by Stephen Levine 14. Letting Go With Love: The Grieving Process, by Nancy O'Connor 15. The Dying Time: Practical Wisdom for the Dying and Their Caregivers, by Joan Furman and David McNabb 16. Companion Through the Darkness: Inner Dialogues on Grief , by Stephanie Ericsson (recommended by Boo) 17. Don't Let Death Ruin Your Life: A Practical Guide, by Jill Brooke 18. A Time to Grieve: Meditations for Healing, by Carol Staudacher (recommended by Cheryl) 19. Too Soon Old Too Late Smart: Thirty True Things You Need to Know Now, by Gordon Livingston 20. The Art of Forgiveness, Loving Kindness, and Peace, by Jack Kornfield 21. Grieving Mindfully: A Compassionate and Spiritual Guide to Coping with Loss, by Sameet M. Kumar 22. When your Spouse Dies, by Cathleen L. Curry 23. Five Good Minutes: 100 Morning Practices to Help You Stay Calm and Focused All Day Long, by Jeffrey Brantley and Wendy Millstine 24. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working through Grief, by Martha W. Hickman 25. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, by Eckhart Tolle 26. Gay Widowers: Life After the Death of a Partner, by Michael Shernoff (Editor) 27. A Journey Through Grief: Gentle, Specific Help, by Alla Renee Bozarth 28. When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold S. Kushner 29. The Grief Recovery Handbook, by John W. James and Russell Friedman 30. Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, by Pauline Boss 31. The Precious Present, by Spencer Johnson 32. Life After Loss: Conquering Grief and Finding Hope, by Raymond A. Moody, Jr. and Dianne Arcangel 33. Writing to Heal the Soul: Transforming Grief and Loss Through Writing, by Susan Zimmerman 34. Stillness Speaks, by Eckhart Tolle 35. In Lieu of Flowers: A Conversation for the Living, by Nancy Cobb 36. The Other Side and Back: A Psychic's Guide to Our World and Beyond, by Sylvia Browne 37. Blessings from the Other Side: Wisdom and Comfort from the Afterlife for This Life, by Sylvia Browne 38. Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, by Karen Casey 39. The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche 40. Seven Choices: Finding Hope after Loss Shatters Your World , by Elizabeth Harper Neeld (recommended by Paul S) 41. Grieving the Death of a Mother, by Harold Ivan Smith (recommended by Paul S and ashleybatt) 42. I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can, by Linda Sones Feinberg (recommended by dpodesta and Rochel) 43. Sibling Grief: Healing after the Death of a Sister or Brother, by P. Gill White (recommended by Kerry) 44. Hello from Heaven, by Bill & Judy Guggenheim (recommended by LoriKelly) 45. Good Grief: Healing Through the Shadow of Loss, by Deborah Morris Coryell (recommended by Chai) 46. Grace for Grief: Daily Comfort for Those Who Mourn, by Michael and Brenda Pink (recommended by Kath) 47. Angel Catcher,by Kathy Eldon and Amy Eldon Turteltaub, recommended by Carole 48. The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion, recommended by NotCoping 49. When Parents Die, by Rebecca Abrams (recommended by Rachael) 50. The Healing Power of Love: Transcending the Loss of a Spouse to a New Love, by Gloria Lintermans and Marilyn Stoltzman (recommended by MartyT) 51. Loss and Found: How We Survived the Loss of a Young Spouse, by Gary and Kathy Young (recommended by MartyT) 52. Books by John Edward (recommended by Leeann) 53. Talking to Heaven: A Medium's Message of Life After Death, by James Van Praagh (recommended by Leeann) 54. Ghosts Among Us: Uncovering the Truth About the Other Side, by James Van Praagh (recommended by Leeann 55. Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss, by Hope Edelman (recommended by Sherr, Cubby and BellaRosa) 56. Water Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children, by Doris Stickney (recommended by Boo Mayhew) 57. A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss, by Jerry Sittser (recommended by Boo Mayhew and George) 58. No Time For Goodbyes: Coping with Sorrow, Anger, and Injustice After a Tragic Death, by Janice Harris Lord (recommended by MartyT) 59. Life after Death: The Burden of Proof, by Deepak Chopra (recommended by Kavish) 60. Grace for Grief, by Michael and Brenda Pink (recommended by Kath) 61. Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Accepting Life's Adversities by Elizabeth Edwards (recommended by Sharon3) 62. Life After Death: The Burden of Proof by Deepak Chopra (recommended by Kavish) 63. Getting to The Other Side of Grief: Overcoming The Loss of A Spouse by Susan Zonnebelt-Smeenge and Robert C. DeVries (recommended by tjwbrown) 64. I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing after the Sudden Death of a Loved One by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, PhD (recommended by slinkybink) 65. Widow to Widow by Genevieve Davis Ginsburg (recommended by Sal and by Marg) 66. The Grief Club by Melody Beattie (recommended by Tracy) 67. Finding Your Way through Grief: A Guide for the First Year (recommended by Tracy and by Brad) 68. When GOD Winks: How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life by Squire Rushnell (recommended by Carol Ann) 69. Now: Overcoming Crushing Grief by Living in the Present by Jack Cain (recommended by MartyT) 70. Healing the Adult Child's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Parent Dies, by Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD (recommended by Anthony) 71. Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hahn (recommended by Carol Ann) 72. 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Piper (recommended by NancyL and by NATS) 73. Evidence of the Afterlife: The Science of Near Death Experiences by Jeffrey Long, MD (recommended by Melina) 74. My Glimpse of Eternity by Betty Malz (recommended by KayC) 75. Conversations with the Other Side by Sylvia Browne (recommended by grace10) 76. Healing the Adult Child's Grieving Heart by Alan D. Wolfelt (recommended by Anthony) 77. How to Survive Your Grief When Someone You Love Has Died by Susan Fuller (recommended by Niamh) 78. Seven Choices: Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World by Elizabeth Harper Neeld (recommended by Boo) 79. Passages in Caregiving: Turning Chaos into Confidence by Gail Sheehy (recommended by Steve) 80. Sacred Grief by Leslee Tessmann (recommended by mfh) 81. The Shack by Wm. Paul Young (recommended by suzie816) 82. Facing the Ultimate Loss: Confronting the Death of a Child by Robert J. Marx and Susan Wengerhoff Davidson (recommended by Carol Ann) 83. The Ultimate Loss: Coping with the Death of a Child by Joan Bordow (recommended by Nicholas) 84. Two Kisses for Maddy: A Memoir of Loss & Love by Matthew Logelin (recommended by MartyT) 85. A Widow's Story: A Memoir by Joyce Carol Oates (recommended by Carol Ann) 86. Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide by Kay Redfield Jamieson (recommended by Nicholas) 87. Love Never Ends by Connie Martin and Barry Dundas (recommended by Becky) 88. A Tearful Celebration by Dr. James Means (recommended by Pat) 89. Healing Through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear and Despair by Miriam Greenspan (recommended by MartyT) 90. The Color of Rain by Michael and Gina Spehn (recommended by Steve) 91. Ask George Anderson: What Souls in the Hereafter Can Teach Us About Life by George Anderson (recommended by Mary) 92. Waking Up: Climbing Through the Darkness by Terry Wise (recommended by MartyT) 93. Loving from the Outside In, Mourning from the Inside Out by Alan D. Wolfelt (recommended by Anne) 94. Levels of Life by Julian Barnes (recommended by Jan) 95. True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart by Tara Brach (recommended by Mary and Anne 96. Will You Dance? by Annette Childs-Oroz (recommended by Marty T) 97. Growing Wings: A View from Inside the Cocoon by Kristen Jongen (recommended by Marty T) 98. Both Sides Now: A True Story of Love, Loss and Bold Living by Nancy Sharp (recommended by Marty T) 99. Happily Even After: A Guide to Getting Through (and Beyond) The Grief of Widowhood by Carole Brody Fleet (recommended by Marty T) 100. The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller (recommended by Anne) 101. Leaning Into Love: A Spiritual Journey through Grief by Elaine Mansfield (recommended by Marty T) 102. Stunned by Grief: Remapping Your Life When Loss Changes Everything by Judy Brizendine (recommended by Marty T) 103. On My Own by Diane Rehm (recommended by mfh) 104. About Grief: Insights, Setbacks, Grace Notes, Taboos by Ron Morasco and Brian Shuff (recommended by scba) 105. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman (recommended by kayc) 106. Permission to Mourn: A New Way to Do Grief by Tom Zuba (recommended by Marty T and Rochestergal) 107. On Loss and Living Onward: Collected Voices for the Grieving and Those Who Would Mourn With Them by Melissa Dalton-Bradford (recommended by Teresa Bruce) 108. Gaining Traction - Starting Over After the Death of Your Life Partner by Peggy Panagotacos (recommended by iPraiseHim) 109. Colors of Loss and Healing: An Adult Coloring Book for Getting Through Tough Times by Deborah S. Derman (recommended by Marty T) 110. Grief Diaries: How to Help The Newly Bereaved by Linda Cheldelin Fell, et al (recommended by KATPILOT) 111. Grief Diaries: Loss of Health by Linda Cheldelin Fell (recommended by Anne) 112. Hope and Healing for Transcending Loss: Daily Meditations for Those Who Are Grieving by Ashley Davis Bush (recommended by Maryann) 113. The Tender Scar: Life After the Death of a Spouse by Richard L. Mabry (recommended by iPraiseHim) 114. A Gift of Love: A Widow’s Memoir by Linda Della Donna (recommended by Anne) 115. Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive by Allison Gilbert (recommended by Marty T) 116. Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey from Suffering to Enlightenment by Marianne Williamson (recommended by Anne) 117. Grief Is A Journey: Finding Your Path Through Loss by Kenneth J. Doka (recommended by Marty T and Anne) 118. Grieving with Hope: Finding Comfort as You Journey Through Loss by Samuel J. Hodges and Kathy Leonard (recommended by Anne) 119. When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi (recommended by Marty T and Anne) 120. Grief One Day At A Time: 365 Meditations to Help You Heal After Loss by Alan Wolfelt (recommended by Marg M) 121. The Gift of Second: Healing from the Impact of Suicide by Brandy Lidbeck (recommended by Marty T) 122. Being There for Someone in Grief by Marianna Cacciatore (recommended by Marty T) 123. Grief Diaries: Through the Eyes of Men by Fell, Jones and Hochhaus (recommended by Marty T) 124. There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love by Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell (recommended by Marty T) 125. Disaster Falls: A Family Story by Stephane Gerson (recommended by Marty T) 126. Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant (recommended by iPraiseHim) 127. Never Long Enough by Rabbi Joseph Krakoff and Dr. Michelle Sider (recommended by Marty T) 128. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis (recommended by kayc) 129. Bearing The Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief by Joanne Cacciatore (recommended by Anne) 130. Ruthless Grieving: The Journey to Acceptance and Beyond by Susan Powers (recommended by TomPB) 131. Getting Grief Right: Finding Your Story of Love in The Sorrow of Loss by Patrick O'Malley and Tim Madigan (recommended by Marty T) 132. We Get It: Voices of Grieving College Students and Young Adults by Heather Servaty-Seib and David Fajgenbaum (recommended by Marty T) 133. Life After the Diagnosis: Expert Advice on Living Well with Serious Illness for Patients and Caregivers by Steven Z. Pantilat, MD (recommended by Marty T) 134. It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine (recommended by Anne and Marty T) 135. I Will Always Love You and I Will Always Love You Journal by Melissa Lyons (recommended by Marty T) 136. Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brené Brown (recommended by Anne) 137. One Mindful Day at a Time: 365 Daily Meditations for Living in the Now by Alan D. Wolfelt (recommended by Anne) 138. A to Z Healing Toolbox: A Practical Guide for Navigating Grief and Trauma with Intention by Susan Hannifin-MacNab (recommended by Marty T) 139. When Their World Stops: The Essential Guide to TRULY Helping Anyone in Grief by Anne-Marie Lockmyer (recommended by Marty T) 140. Heart Prayers: Poems, Prayers and Meditations by Peggy A. Haymes (recommended by Anne) 141. You Are Not Alone: A Heartfelt Guide for Grief, Healing, and Hope by Debbie Augenthaler (recommended by Marty T) 142. When Your Soulmate Dies: A Guide to Healing Through Heroic Mourning by Alan D. Wolfelt (recommended by Marty T) 143. The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life by Donald L. Rosenstein and Justin M. Yopp (recommended by Marty T) 144. Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence by Dr. Daniel Siegel, MD (recommended by Anne) 145. Falling Awake: How to Practice Mindfulness in Everyday Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn (recommended by Anne) 146. The Joke’s Over, You Can Come Back Now: How This Widow Plowed Through Grief and Survived by Laurie Burrows Grad (recommended by Marty T) 147. Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement in Times of Loss by Gary Roe (recommended by Anne) 148. Becoming Radiant: A New Way to Do Life Following the Death of a Beloved by Tom Zuba (recommended by Anne) 149. A Place in My Heart: When Our Pets Die by Barbara Karnes (recommended by Anne) 150. The Green Burial Guidebook: Everything You Need to Plan an Affordable, Environmentally Friendly Burial by Elizabeth Fournier (recommended by Marty T) 151. Grief Day by Day: Simple Practices and Daily Guidance for Living with Loss by Jan Warner (recommended by Anne) 152. What to Do When I'm Gone: A Mother's Wisdom to Her Daughter by by Suzy Hopkins and Hallie Bateman (recommended by Melissa Gouty) 153. Liberating Losses: When Death Brings Relief by Jennifer Elison and Chris McGonigle (recommended by kayc) 154. Grief Diaries: Through The Eyes of A Widow by Lynda Cheldelin Fell and Maryann Mueller (recommended by Marty T) 155. It's Okay to Laugh (Crying Is Cool Too) by Nora McInerney Purmont (recommended by kayc) 156. A Companion for the Hospice Journey: Thoughts on Life's Tough Decisions by Larry Patten (recommended by Marty T) 157. Mourning and Mitzvah: A Guided Journal for Walking the Mourner’s Path Through Grief to Healing (25th Anniversary Edition) 3rd Edition by Rabbi Anne Brener (recommended by Marty T) 158. That Good Night: Life and Medicine in the Eleventh Hour, by Sunita Puri (recommended by Marty T) 159. The Unexpected Journey of Caring: The Transformation from Loved One to Caregiver by Donna Thompson and Zachary White (recommended by Marty T) 160. Grief Diaries: Surviving Sudden Loss by Lynda Cheldelin Fell and Maryann Mueller (recommended by Maryann) 161. Touching Heaven: A Cardiologist's Encounter with Death and Living Proof of an Afterlife by Chauncey Crandall (recommended by Jackie - Richard) 162. Grief and God: When Religion Does More Harm Than Healing by Terri Daniel (recommended by Marty T) 163. Sex After Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved by Joan Price (recommended by Marty T) 164. Carried Within Me: Echoes of Infant Loss from Bereaved Parents by Joann Cantrell (recommended by Marty T) 165. The Sudden Loss Survival Guide: Seven Essential Practices for Healing Grief by Chelsea Hanson (recommended by Marty T) 166. Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief by David Kessler (recommended by Marty T) 167. When Your Heart Is Broken by Cheryl Kennard (recommended by Marty T) 168. Death Is But A Dream: Finding Hope and Meaning At Life's End by Christopher Kerr (recommended by Marty T) 169. Help, Thanks, Wow by Anne Lamott (recommended by Anne) 170. Living Beautifully by Pema Chodron (recommended by Anne) 171. Comfort for the Grieving Adult Child's Heart - Hope and Healing After Losing Your Parent by Gary Roe (recommended by Anne) 172. All of Us Warriors: Cancer Stories of Survival and Loss by Rebecca Whitehead Munn (recommended by Marty T) 173. God Got A Dog by Cynthia Ryland (recommended by Marty T) 174. Dying with Ease: A Compassionate Guide for Making Wiser End-of-Life Decisions by Jeff Spiess, MD (recommended by Marty T) 175. The Language of Loss: Poetry and Prose for Grieving and Celebrating the Love of Your Life by Barbara Abercrombie (Ed.) (recommended by Marty T) 176. Missing You: An Adult Coloring Book for Grief, Loss and Comfort by Naomi Nakamura (recommended by Anne) 177. Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of A Spouse by Gary Roe (recommended by kayc) 178. Please Be Patient, I'm Grieving by Gary Roe (recommended by kayc) 179. A Beginner's Guide to The End: Practical Advice for Living Life and Facing Death by BJ Miller, MD and Shoshana Berger (recommended by Marty T) 180. Rock On: Mining For Joy in The Deep River of Sibling Loss by Susan E. Casey (recommended by Marty T) 181. At Heaven's Door: What Shared Journeys to the Afterlife Teach About Dying Well and Living Better by William J. Peters (recommended by Marty T) 182. Celebration of Sisters: It's Never Too Late to Grieve by Judy Lipson (recommended by Marty T) 183. Different after You: Rediscovering Yourself and Healing after Grief and Trauma by Michele Neff Hernandez (recommended by Marty T) 184. Daisy A Day: Hope for A Grieving Heart by Harriet Hodgson (recommended by Marty T) 185. Grief Doodling: Bringing Back Your Smiles by Harriet Hodgson (recommended by Marty T) 186. The AfterGrief: Finding Your Way Along The Long Arc of Loss by Hope Edelman 187. Beyond Loss in A Pandemic: Find Hope and Move Through Grief After Someone Close to You Dies by Linda Donovan (recommended by Marty T) 188. Silver Butterfly Wings: Signs from The Other Side by Wendy Willow (recommended by Marty T) 189. Love, Mom by Jalyn Scott and Allison Scott Westman (recommended by Marty T) 190. Still Mine by Jayne Pillemer (recommended by Marty T) 191. Heartbreak to Hope: Poems of Support for Grief and Loss by Kara Bowman (recommended by Marty T) 192. Sushi Tuesdays by Charlotte Maya (recommended by Marty T) 193. Two Envelopes: What You Want Your Loved Ones to Know When You Die by Rusty Rosman (recommended by Marty T)

Dear Ones, The following is taken from an earlier post: If you type the words "support group" into our site's search engine, you will be led to dozens of other posts on this very topic, which is a good indicator of how many differing opinions you will find. As others accurately point out, whether a support group would be helpful to you depends on many different factors, including your own needs and expectations, the purpose and composition of the group, and the skills of the group facilitator. Robert Louis Stevenson once wrote, A knowledge that another has felt as we have felt, and seen things not much otherwise than we have seen them, will continue to the end to be one of life’s choicest blessings. It has been my experience as a grief counselor that effective grief work is not done alone, and whether we connect with others in person or online, I believe that support groups are invaluable. When we’ve lost a loved one, we need to connect with others who understand what grief is, who’ve suffered a similar loss, and who know what our sorrow feels like. At a time when it may be difficult for us to feel comfortable in the usual social settings, support groups give us a safe place to interact with others. Here we can express feelings without fear of being judged, and ask questions and get responses from others whose experiences may be similar to our own. These others listen willingly, and they share their stories of loss with us also. No one knows the pain of loss as well as someone else who is experiencing it, too. It’s also very reassuring to learn that what we are going through is normal. Working our way through grief is some of the hardest work we will ever have to do, but realizing that we don’t have to do it all by ourselves can be life-affirming. One of the saddest realities about losing a loved one, whether that is a person or a cherished animal companion, is that friends and family members tend to be finished with our grief long before we are done with our own need to talk about it. That’s why it’s so important that we find understanding, non-judgmental listeners with whom we can openly acknowledge our reactions and experiences, express and work through our pain, and come to terms with what has happened to us. Another benefit is that by sharing our loss and pain, we help one another. Eventually we find ourselves on the giving end of this compassion, reaching out through our own woundedness to the newly bereaved, helping them along, listening to them and offering them the hope that, just as we have survived our own losses, they will survive theirs also. Together, stumbling along the way and reaching out for help, pausing to offer comfort and walking on together, we can complete our journey. In the process, we learn to love and to be loved much more fully. It is one of the great lessons of loss. I'd also like to draw your attention to the posts in this particular thread: Group Therapy: Trying to Decide See also: my post in this thread, Memories

Em, dear ~ Here is an earlier post that you might find helpful: Still Sad after All These Months You might also consider doing some reading on this important topic. See, for example, the dozens of articles, books and resources listed on the Alternative Healing page of my Grief Healing Web site. Type the words After-Death Communication in Google or your preferred search engine and see what comes up for you. Go on Amazon and do the same thing. I can assure you that you are not the first person to be asking these questions ~ indeed, searching for answers to these spiritual questions is a normal and necessary part of the grief process ~ and volumes have been written by others about it. You may be very interested in learning what they've discovered and what they have to say, and you may find it very reassuring, too.

Elaine, dear ~ Please see the following threads: Relapse, Missing My Dad Grieving 7 Years After Death It's Too Much Panic Attack?

(I just have to say: Not bad at all Kath. Your story made me laugh out loud Thank you for that )

Maylissa, dear, I just made time to watch this fascinating interview ~ what this man has to say about modern medicine, psychology and pharmacology makes a lot of sense, and he certainly is a convincing speaker! Thank you for bringing this important material to our attention ~ and when I have more time, I'm eager to listen to the interview with Bruce Lipton's colleague, Rob Williams, originator of PSYCH-K. (See, for example, his interesting comments about grief and loss: http://www.psych-k.com/pages/grief-and-loss.php) Once again, Maylissa, you've pointed us to some marvelous material we would not have known about otherwise ~ and as always, I am very grateful to you for that

Gogga, dear, I'm so very sorry, too. There simply are no words to convey our horror and our sorrow at the unspeakable losses you've endured, and so early in your young life. What you've experienced in the last nine years surpasses all human understanding, but I hope that here you can feel the warmth of our embrace as we wrap our loving arms around you and help you to feel less alone. In addition to all the support that I know you will find here, I want to point you (and others reading this) to some other resources that you may find helpful at some point. When you feel ready and able to explore them, you'll find these (and more) listed on the Death of a Spouse, Partner or Significant Other page of my Grief Healing Web site: Loss and Found: How We Survived the Loss of a Young Spouse Finding Your Way through Grief: A Guide for the First Year, Second Edition I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can: How Young Widows and Widowers Cope and Heal YoungWidow.org Young Widows and Widowers YWOW: Young Widows or Widowers

Dear Ones, I've noticed also that this forum is not as active as some of our other ones, and I'm not sure why. I can only hope that somewhere you're all finding the information, comfort and support that you certainly need and deserve. Can you share more with one another, and with the rest of us here? Can you tell us more about your precious sons who have died? What were their names? What were their likes and dislikes, their personalities, their dreams and hopes for the future (or yours, for them)? Tell us who they are and what it is that you love most about them. Share a special memory with us. Ask us some questions, if you like. Tell us how you're doing in your own grief journeys, and what you're doing to find your way through this wilderness of loss. We are here for you, and we are listening . . .

Shelley, dear, we're all sending healthy thoughts and wishes in your direction! We don't want this awful cold to get in the way of your reunion with your best fur-friend! Feel better soon, think positive thoughts, and take good care of you!

The latest update from Michele Neff Hernandez: YOU ARE INVITED to attend the first EVER National Conference on Widowhood July 17-19, 2009. This conference to be held at the beautiful San Diego Hotel and Marina in downtown San Diego, California is being held for YOU...widows, widowers, bereavement professionals, supportive friends and family, clergy of any denomination, and anyone who has been touched by the journey of grief. Why a party invitation? Because we deserve a celebration of all we have accomplished. We have done what many of us believed to be impossible...surviving the loss of our spouse. Join us in celebrating our courage, creating our future, and most importantly in building a support network for those who will come after us. Death is not reduced to tragedy alone if we can find a way to rise from the ashes. Come and show us the ways in which you have risen from your own personal loss, and give courage and hope to those who need to see that loving life again truly is possible. If you sign up with a friend you both save 25%! Travel togther, laugh together, and save money together!! Use the promotion code: SSLF81793XX5 when registering at www.sslf.org. Together we can make a difference, sign up today!

Me, too

Wonderful news, Wendy ~ We're so happy for you and your mom . . .

Casey, dear, I'm so very sorry for your loss, and I know your post has been sitting here for quite some time, waiting for another teen to find your message and respond to you. I hope that in the meantime you've taken time to read some of the earlier posts in this forum, to see that you're not alone. I don't know how you've been dealing with your mother's death these last five months, but there are certain things I would want any grieving teen to know, so I am going to share them with you now – and with others who’ll read this message. (Parts of this message were included in a response I wrote to another bereaved teen in this forum some time ago, but I think this material bears repeating here.) First, grief is best dealt with when you are able to show your emotional pain, talk with others and express your feelings about a loved one's death, and accept support from family and friends. I don't know what support you have available to you, but at your age (as a teen learning to separate from authority figures and find your own identity), it would be very normal for you to feel somewhat alienated from adults. That's why most teens normally turn to their peers for support. At the same time, they don't like to stand out and to feel different from their friends – they want to belong. I can tell you that grieving teens do best when they're helped to find peers who've also experienced a death. They're often very relieved to discover they're not the only ones who've had someone close to them die. I want to encourage you to find someone you trust (a teacher, school counselor, neighbor, friend, relative, clergy person, etc.) and with whom you feel comfortable talking. You need an opportunity to talk about this wonderful person who died and what was special about your mom. Tell about your experience with the death itself: where you were when the death occurred, what happened right afterward and what you're experiencing right now. Share any dreams you may have had about your mom. Write a letter to her and say whatever you need to say. Gather pictures, words and phrases from magazines and make a collage that tells a story about what you remember about her. Call your local hospice and ask if there are any support groups or programs in your community aimed at teens who've lost a parent. (See Find a Hospice Program to search a data base that contains all the hospices in your geographic area.) Go on the Internet and find some of the other sites that offer information, comfort and support to teens who are grieving. See especially these and other sites listed on the Child, Adolescent Grief page on my Grief Healing Web site: The Dougy Center for Grieving Children and Teens Helping Teenagers Cope with Grief KIDSAID: 2 Kids, 4 Kids, By Kids When A Parent Dies Learn what normal grief looks like and feels like, so you'll know that what you're experiencing is normal and that you're not alone. (See, for example, the articles, books and resources listed on my site's Death of a Parent page.) Think about what you need from others right now and let them know about it. People won't know what you need from them unless you tell them. You also need to know that grief changes through the years. It will change you as well, influencing who you are in the present and affecting who you'll become in the future. This death of your mother must be worked through, adapted to, and integrated into your life, as different situations will require you to accommodate this loss again and again. You will re-visit your dmom's death continually as you grapple with its meaning— emotionally, socially, economically and spiritually— and as you struggle to find a place for her in your present and future life. Finally, know that death ends a life, but it does not end a relationship. The special bond you have with your mother will stay with you just as long as you keep her memory alive in your mind and in your heart. She will always be your mother and you will always be her daughter. In a very real sense, your mom is very much here with you now, wherever you are, because her spirit and her memory live on in you, and because you are so very much a part of her. In many ways, you are more inseparable now than you were before, because you are not limited by space and time and distance. I'm so glad you found your way to this special place, my dear, and I hope this information proves useful to you. Please accept our deepest sympathy over the loss of your mother, and know that we are thinking of you. And to any other teens who may one day come across this message, please know that you are most welcome here as well. Wishing you peace and healing, MartyT

Peggy, dear, see also I Don't Care How Long It's Been -- Can We Talk about My Loved One?

Teny, dear ~ please see the very first post in this thread (dated January 12), where you'll find directions on how to use the Special Days Calendar. If these directions don't answer your questions, please let me know, and I'll do whatever I can to assist you.

This timely and informative article comes to us from our friend Tony Falzano, and is reprinted here with his permission: Keeping Your Home After Losing a Loved One© 2009 by Tony Falzano In Massachusetts, Bill and Sharon have emotionally “shut down” and ignored their daily responsibilities, including paying their mortgage. Three months after the death of their teenage daughter, they were on their way to losing their home to foreclosure. In California, a middle aged woman named Sonya, suddenly lost her husband. She had no insurance, no savings and no job. She did have 2 teenagers and a seriously delinquent mortgage. The stress caused by the loss of her husband was now heightened by the prospect of losing her home too. Every day, across the country, delinquent homes turn into foreclosures due to people suffering from some kind of loss. There is the loss of income due to unemployment, divorce, incarceration or a tenant not paying. There is also loss of one’s health. And there is the loss of a loved one that causes our world to turn upside down and in some cases, puts us underwater in our financial obligations. In addition, related medical expenses and funeral costs can extinguish savings or retirement plans. So when someone falls behind on the mortgage, there is no money to fall back on. Tremendous strain can be on the homeowner at a time when they are already carrying a cargo of grief. And one thing is for sure, no matter how tragic the loss, foreclosure is inevitable if the mortgage obligation is ignored. The good news is dealing with your delinquent mortgage may be easier then dealing with the emotional wounds of grief. Many lenders are eager to make a workout arrangement whenever possible. This is evident by the number of phone calls and letters you receive from the lender if your loan is delinquent. A resolution to your delinquency will save the bank time, money and a property that may be deteriorating in value and condition every month. The simple fact is this: banks want your money, not your home! For many lenders, foreclosure is the last resort. Here are some suggestions if you or someone you know is dealing with grief and on the way to losing their home. It’s important to act quickly at the first signs of trouble. Contact the bank’s customer service department and ask for the Loss Mitigation or Workout department. Make this call even if you are embarrassed. You are not the first individual asking for help under distressed circumstances! Give your loan number to the representative. Many times that will assure you are transferred to the right individual. If you’re not able to perform this function yourself, find a responsible family member or neighbor; one that is trustworthy, knowledgeable of your affairs and one who is ‘patiently persistent’ as it may take some time to obtain a resolution. Typically, you do not need to spend money on having an attorney or mediation company represent you. Save the money to pay down the debt in the event the lender puts you on a plan. You will need to sign a letter authorizing your representative to speak on your behalf. Once with the person handling your account, you will be asked if your situation is temporary or permanent. Another major question will be assessing your financial condition; “Can you afford the house with the monthly income and expenses you have?” If you can, then the lender will most likely want to keep you in the property. They will ask for pay stubs and bank statements to show your monthly income and expenses. They may also ask for tax returns and other documentation. Here are a few common retention plans; one of which may be offered to you depending on your financial situation. FORBEARANCE AGREEMENT: This is a verbal or written plan that states the lender will temporarily hold off legal action when a mortgage is in arrears. This is an attempt to come up with a suitable arrangement to bring your account current. For example, the bank may give a customer 30-60 days to bring the account current with a pension or insurance payout or cash from a 401K program. REPAYMENT PLAN: This arrangement provides for the reinstatement of your loan by allowing you to make scheduled payments towards the delinquent amount in addition to your regular payment. For example, if your monthly mortgage is $1,200.00 and you are 2 months behind ($2,400.00) and your income supports this plan, the bank may elect to have you pay your regular payment, $1,200.00 and an additional $200 each month. Then after 12 consecutive months, the loan will be contractually current ($200 X 12 = $2,400.00). LOAN MODIFICATION: This solution takes all the arrearages such as late charges, property inspection fees, along with taxes and insurance and foreclosure attorney fees and costs and adds them to the current unpaid principal balance (UPB). For example, if the UPB is $100,000 and the delinquent amount is $10,000, the new loan amount under the modification will be $110,000. Often the lender may extend the amortization period, usually back to the original term. The lender may also adjust the interest rate. Sometimes forgiveness of a portion of the debt is approved. All or some of these measures will calculate a lower monthly payment that may enable you to stay in the property, as it did for Bill and Sharon. Instead of dodging another call from the bank, Bill answered the phone. On the other end was the bank’s Asset Manager in charge of their account. In 35 minutes the 2 gentlemen discussed the situation. The couple’s financials were taken and since they qualified, Bill and Sharon were eventually approved for a modification. Now if the lender determines that you cannot afford the property, do not despair. The news may be initially hard to hear but there are advantages if it’s clear you cannot afford the home. First, your health and pocket book will be better for it. Also, your credit may be less derogatory if you cooperate and work with the bank in this resolution. Finally, there will be less stress as you will now have a helpful solution. If you cannot afford the property, the two (2) options that may be presented are a deed-in-lieu of foreclosure or a short sale of the property. DEED-IN-LIEU-OF-FORECLOSURE (DIL): If the property is free of other liens or encumbrances, the lender may agree to take the property back and release the homeowner from further liability. The benefit to the bank is that they save time and money of foreclosing. This savings can be huge in states where there is a long foreclosure time line, such as New York, New Jersey and Illinois. The benefit to the homeowner is it quickly releases them (usually 30-60 days) from obligations and burdens of a property that they ultimately cannot afford. SHORT SALE: This is where the homeowner is allowed by the bank, to sell the property for an amount less than that which is owed in order to avoid foreclosure. Realizing she couldn’t afford the mortgage, Sonya listed her property for sale with a reputable real estate broker. Working with the lender, the broker secured a buyer who paid market value for the home (usually the lender’s most current appraised value). Sonya was able to contribute to a successful outcome which made her feel better. She also saved a little of her credit and a lot of her sanity so she could deal with the other life changing issues. One final thought, you are the homeowner so ask questions about how each option will affect you. The loss of a loved one is out of your control. But the stress of a foreclosure as it relates to this can be avoided. If you find yourself in this situation, reach out and ask for assistance. Help others to help you! [Tony Falzano has spent over 20 years working in banks, financial institutions and with Wall Street Investors assisting home owners to come to a timely resolution of their delinquent mortgages. He also speaks to groups on this subject and offers the benefit of his experience to guide mortgagors on making the best decision if they are behind in their monthly payments. In addition, Tony is an award winning songwriter whose CD, In Abba's Arms, contains 12 original instrumentals designed to be an "inspirational companion" that brings comfort to the bereaved in need of healing and hope. The CD is also used by many to enhance quiet contemplation. Tony's other articles, We Never Said Goodbye, Journal Your Journey through Grief and Music: Helping to Heal Those Who Grieve, also appear in this forum, and are reprinted with his permission. Tony can be reached at tonyfalzano@AOL.com]