I'm not really sure how to explain how I feel after losing my ex-spouse a month ago especially when you consider all that's happened - he died the day I was having major surgery. Consequently, I've had quite a few complications from my surgery since I started taking care of my two teenage boys and their grief the morning after surgery when I got the phone call about their father. The funeral (which was put on by his new young wife) was about the last four years of his life and didn't talk about my boys or even mention those years of his life. The people who spoke at the funeral described a man that the boys and I didn't even know. Most people (at work and friends) don't know what to say to me because they feel that I have no emotions about this since he was my ex-husband. It's an uncomfortable subject for my current husband as well. My sons are grieving, not sleeping well, and I'm working on getting them into a support group. I can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep, and I feel like I'm waiting for "permission" to cry. He wasn't a terrible person, but he was an awful dad to my two boys. From what I saw, he was a great father to his new family - but that didn't help my boys then or now.
