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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Frannie&Petey

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  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Dr. William Bracken Phoenix, AZ
  1. Mamacat, I am soooooooo sorry for your loss. There are no words that I can share to make this pain go away. I wanted to ditto all that Marty said and add a few comments. My Petey died on January 20, 2004. I still cry every day. I can't talk about him without crying. And yes I am crying right now. I wanted to address the guilt you are feeling. I went through thta with Petey. I shoulda this, I shoulda that, I shoulda shoulda ... I still have some doubts about my choices and will never know if Petey would stil be with me right now. I am still working on that. I am also confident that one day I will realize 100% that I did the best for him. I work through this by reading books, reading this website, and going to a support group. Oh and talking with people who get it which can be few and far between. I wanted to share the website of a book that has helped me tons. There is a testimonial from me there. The book is called "For Every Cat a Agnel. Purchasing (if you choose too) at the authors website she will inscribe the book as you would like and a added plus is it is cheeper. I wish I could buy this book for everyone on this list and anyone who has ever lost an animal. Anyway, here it is: http://www.lightheartedpress.com/ I wish you healing in your own way and in your own time. And please most importantly, remember you did all that you could and I would bet all the money in the world that Rulin thinks so too. You are in my thoughts, Frannie
  2. Marty, Thank you for clearing up the Petey Picture reference. I really shouldn't respond to post when I am half asleep. Isn't my Petey boy beautiful. I went to the vet this am with our dog Roy. Anyway, they were about to stick me in the room where Petey (and three of his step brothers and sister ) were incarsurated last year to be medicated since they were before stinckers for us. Anyway, I started bahling so they put me in another room. I miss him so much. I love you Petey and I wish you were here with me. Well I know you are I just want to touch you. Frannie
  3. Clara’s Mom, I am truly sorry for the pain you are going through. Personally, I don’t care how long ago our beloved Pet died, we all grieve at our own space and the grief journey is very personalized to each individual. In my humble opinion, whether it takes you 2 days or 20 years so be it! I flicked away several people in my life after my Petey died. They were telling me crap like “well it’s been two weeks and you’re still upset”. ARG Flick of a finger and pooooof they’re gone for good. I would cry in public when I finally got out of bed to get groceries. I could sob as I went through the store and you know I did not care what people thought. I cried in the car and still do now. Not as much. It gets easier but I do not believe it is something you will ever get over. I know I won’t get over Petey, Charlie, Rehab, Pewter, Charlie2, and Sammy. The pain is not as intense but their love and presence are still with me and when I think about them doing something they did while here in the flesh, I smile then have a good cry. Grieving, tears, in my opininion are nothing to be ashamed of, so keep doing them as long as necessary. I believe this will get you trough part of your grief process. Please just let yourself be where you are right this minute. I too just went through the motions of breathing and doing the minimal stuff to make certain the other kids were taken care of. Living was not a part of my life during those first few months after Petey’s death. Please do not have time or guild lines for when all will be better for this is different for all. Even today, which is six months after Petey died, I looked at a picture of him, thought of him deeply, and then I felt my gut drop to the floor. The following is some information I got from this website. You may want to call this hotline. I am with you; face-to-face would be so nice. If you live in Phoenix there is a monthly group. Here is a website where I bought the book “For every Cat and Angle”. I have read it over and over. It always helps me get to the next moment. When I feel my stomach drop I read the book and get filled up again. And if you go to testimonials you can see a picture of my Petey boy … Still a Proud Mother OK, the other information Pet Grief Support Helpline 602-995-5885 Calls to the Pet Grief Support Service Helpline are received on an answering machine. Your message will be picked up by one of the Pet Grief Support Service volunteers, who will return your call as soon as possible. Helpline Volunteers are caring, understanding listeners who have loved and lost their own dear friends, and want only to help you cope with losing yours. (Although there is no charge for this service, please be aware that long distance calls will be returned collect.) The Pet Grief Support Service is offered to the public at no cost by the Companion Animal Association of Arizona, Inc. For further information, please contact the Pet Grief Support Service Helpline, 602-995-5885 Many Hugs and Peaceful to you from me, Frannie
  4. Nili, I am soooooooooooo sorry for your loss. I have wanted to respond to you and have kept coming back to your message and my eyes begin to shed tears for you and your loss. I have also wanted to find the perfect words of comfort for having to have endured seeing Joey's hair at his grave site. I read that over and over and ... All I could think, hasn't Nili endured enough by the loss of Joey, and now this. We burry our dead kids in our front yard with a cactus on top that reminds us of them. The day after Petey died, it began to poor down rain, I was freaking out that I would walk out there and see part of him. We hadn't chosen the cactus yet. I kept calling Steve at work, running to him when he got home from work. He assured me that it would not happen, that our Petey was burried deep enough. I only imagined what if, you endured it ... my heart aches for you and that horried experience and your loss of Joey. I see that Marty mentioned the pet loss support phone number. There are a lot of good people that return the calls, so if you can I highly recommend that you do. Many hugs and peaceful thoughts your way, Frannie
  5. I think I will move to Fort Collins, CO. I look forward to a similar program hitting AZ and all other states for all of us that are, saddly, participating in this group. Frannie
  6. Thank you so much Marty. Now I can use expressions which may get my words interpreted better. I hope this works. As always, I loved todays meeting, well that sounds a bit sick! I wish no one was there for none of us would be dealing with losing a beloved companion animal. I feel blessed and grateful that I live in Phoenix AZ so I can go to these meetings. You're the best! back at you, Hugs, Frannie ps. I sure hope this works or I shall look like a real bafoon. LOL
  7. those cute little things that for the life of me cannot figure out how to use them. A few of you use them and I feel it adds a lot your post and really could benefit in learning how to put them in and where you want it. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Frannie
  8. Khisha, I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I think it is GREAT that you are seeking support now. Please keep us posted on how Tuffy is doing. And MANY kuddo's to your for the boyfriend game! I love it. You go girl! Many hugs and healing thoughts, Frannie
  9. Karen, I hope I am not sticking my foot in my mouth and have possibly already met you. There is a Pet Loss Support Group on the First Saturday of each month in Phoenix. It meets at the hospice of the valley, who sponsors this website. It meets at 9:00 am to 10:30 am. This Saturday there are a few of us from the group that are meeting at "an overpriced grocery store with a coffe shop", sorry I can't remember the name and am too tired to look it up right now. It is on the SW corner of 40th Street and Campbell in Phoenix. We are meeting at 11:00. Anyone that can make it is welcome. The more people the more support we all get. Please feel free to email me privately @ waytoomanykitties@cox.net if you are interested in coming and I wll get the official name of the overpriced grocery store. :-) Frannie
  10. Frannie&Petey

    Joey

    Nil Our cats use to be outdoors. Our Boo boy got hit by a car thank God, and $3000.00 later the vet saved him. Thank goodness we had a color with tags on him. That year we went to Best Friends Animal Sancturay. We got our idea there to keep them indoors while letting them out too. We added on to our home two what we call sanctuary's, outdoor areas for them. There are cats doors from the inside of the house out. We got some dead trees an old couch at good will etc and they love it. We never have any one of them tring to escape. Just a thought. Bottom line, it's NOT your fault so please stop beating up on yourelf. If he was bleeding internally I sincerely doubt that if you had been there sooner would have made a difference. We tend to blame ourselves and it really isn't our fault. anyone, in my humble opinion that is posting here has an enormous amount of love for their pet. Not that this is suppose to eas the pain, but I sure bet Joey had one nice life with you that he may have never had. You know if you want to throw something at me feel free. I got so angry when people said crap like that to me, but it is the truth. Many hugs and stop blaming yourself thoughts, Frannie
  11. Hi All, Just needed to vent. I have been crying all day. I miss my Petey and Peekers boys so so much. I want them back NOW! The pain and hopelessness is horrid. I so wish I could be with all of my kids, those dead and alive. My stomach aches for those that are not here with me. I feel empty. I am sad. thanks for listening, just needed to share with a group of people who understand, Frannie
  12. Frannie&Petey

    Lucie

    I am no expert so hopefully Marty will chime in. My husband and I have a really specical relationship. We our sole mates and best friends ... except when it comes to sick kids! I just don't get it, you would think that two people who love each other would be leaning on each other, however my experience has been pretty much the opposite. Steve has a hard time making the decision of when to let go, not that it's easy for me, I just feel he sometimes lets the kid suffer too long. When we were deciding whether or not to put Petey through Chemo, it wasn't a lot of fun. There was much discussion and disagreements. Anyway, I guess what I am thinking in your case is that maybe your husband said what he did because he feels horrible about what happens and it's his way of dealing with his pain. We always seem to want to blame someone or something else. However, accidents do happen. We just don't have control over everything. I blamed myself, the Oncologist, and anyone I could. Anger is a normal part of greiving. Please try to talk with him or think about a 3rd party (friends, family, counselor) to help out. I just can't imagine the pain you are feeling over the death of your beloved and "loss" aroound your relationship with your husband. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it better for you as I am sure we all do. Please know that someone in AZ is sending you healing and peaceful thoughts. Hugs, many of them, Frannie
  13. I am so so sorry for your loss. I am so sick of cancer. After Petey had his first chemo, and his last, I was asking the Oncologist, the technicians, and my own vet, if there was something in my house killing my cats with cancer. Six out of seven of our kids have died to cancer. They were all very supportive, however I still have a difficult time with what has happened. One of our kids was perfectly fine in the am, eating, playing, and on and on. By mid afternoon he was lethargic and looking weak. We called the vet and immediately brought him in. At 6:30 pm we got the call from the vet that he was on his way over...to put our boy to seelp. I just can't understand or will ever comprehend how fast those cancer cells can grow, not that it would make any of us feel any better. When does the hurt go away. Personally I don't think it will ever go away. I think we learn to deal with it and the pain decreases in it's intensity. In the beginning of March I thought I was going to die I hurt so bad. Thanks to friends, people that understand, and talking about my losses as much as I need too, I am now as I call it back among the living. I truly believe that the death of our beloved furrball friends changes one's path in life. I have already experienced many changes in my thinking and have made some positive changes since Petey died. For me it is a way to honor him and the other six kids that have died in the last four years. As someone said, take it one day at a time or even one second at a time. I created a rescue list that I taped on a kitchen cabinet. It has phone numbers of friends to call, some great books I found that read in about 15 minutes, reminds me to journal, take baby steps, take a walk around the block. Whatever works for you, do it. Someone said to me "you need to take care of you". I responded with "I don't want too". Well it was amazing how people were calling me out of the blue, great books and reading on breavement. Slowly I began to take care of me. Petey and his two brothers and one sister would have been 3 on 4/23. I had a ceremony for them. Next year I will be remember you and your beloved Chisum. Fran
  14. Kathy, Thank you so much for your kind words. I am in awe of your grief work. As all the books and material state we all grieve at our own pace. I am just very impatient and want the pain to stop. Don't we all. I feel at times I will never recover. I have been working with a breavement counselor, which has been helpful. I am right on track with my grief so I guess it's good I am not stuffing it, which is good. My faith is in question now too. After Petey died my faith went flying out the door and I ddn't think it would ever come back. Slowly it is. At times I am relieved that Petey is with his two brothers and sisters. And then of course I feel guilty for saying that. Petey was depressed for months after his brother Charlie died. Steve and I were so scared that the depression would activate his FelV. I want to thank you TONS for asking about everyone else. Some people just don't believe that animals can experience depression and sadness. As you have done I don't bother with people like that in my life anymore. It's not worth it. Boo who is Peekers blood brother (died on 11-19-03) was devesestated. His personalityhas changed so much. We gave him and still do lots of love. He's not withdrawn as much as he was after Peekers died. Frisbee the 5th of the FelV litter (who thank God is still testing negetive) is becoming much more social and a lap cat. It's as if she knew her brothers and sister were sick and didn't have much time with all of us, so she allowed them to get her share of attention. With all the other kids, there were a lot of changes in the house. Sadness, confusion, and now who's boss. Peekers was the big cheese, then Petey, and they are both gone. The others still seem so lost without them, but are working it out. Maybe they're going to have a vote for the next big cheese. :-) I don't work so I am fortunate to be able to spend a lot of time with my kids. Roy gets is away time at the park and the feline kids get their love time at home. Steve and I don't go out much at all. We love being home with our kids and meeting all their orders. :-) We are a sorry couple too when it comes to vacations. We don't want to go for we miss the kids so much. Last year when we went to Best Friends Animal Sanctuary, the first night we came within a hair of coming back home to be with our kids. The love and bond with those fir kids is so magical and precious. I am so sorry for your loss. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. I think it's great that you are taking care of you and helping others with your kind generous words. Thank you for the prayers too, Frannie
  15. My beloved Petey died on January 20, 2004. He would have been three on April 23, 2004. I still want to dig up his grave and resuscitate him. On Friday we put balloons on each of their graves (Rehab, Charlie, and Pewter who all died In 2002). These four little beautiful critters we rescued from a vet that wanted to put the mom and all five kittens down (mind you one kitten, Frisbee, remains to test negative for FelV). We did a ton of research on FelV, talked to vets at Cornell, and people at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. We knew the probable out come, but I was hoping it was all a lie! The three-year mark would have been the breaker for Petey. Meaning his chances of living to a ripe old age would have increased drastically. I feel as though I failed him. I wish I had picked up on signs (even though there really weren’t any) earlier. I wish I had done things differently on that horrid Monday before Petey died. Petey had already battled through respitory infections and I really beloved he could have beat the odds of only having 6-9 months with Chemotherapy…if only I had done things differently. If only the oncologist had called me back. I am so angry that he is gone and even angrier that I will never know if he could have beaten the cancer if given the chance. I miss my boy so much, I want him back, and I want to be with him. For weeks after he died I couldn’t function. The only reason I got out of bed was to fill the food bowls for our other 21 children (20 cats and 1 dog). On November 19, 2003 our Peekers died. It was that damn cancer again. I will never forget that horrid day. Steve (my husband) had woken me up since he was leaving for work. The first thing I did was check on Peekers. I lost it! I went running after Steve yelling, “Peekers is dead, Peekers is dead”. He came back and sure enough our Peekers was gone. I immediately called the vet to come over and resuscitate him. I was desperate and devastated. I really really hate cancer. We have lost 7 kids in the last four years to cancer. I hate that disease and would give anything to be able to do more for our kids that get it. Another thing that has been really difficult is people’s really stupid comments. “Peekers was 12 he had a good life”, “you have 20 other cats to love”, “Petey was lucky to have you as a parent”, “they (the FelV kids) had a great life with you guys and just think what would have happened to them if you guys hadn’t taken them”. Isn’t that what we are suppose to do. I was “put down” at the age of three because I was diagnosed with diabetes. There is not one day that goes by without tears. I miss my kids so much and sometimes I just don’t want to go for the pain is so intense, but I know I must. From all I have been reading on grieving, I am normal. BARF I really hate being normal for a change. Frannie
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