I lost my Grandmother 7 months ago it hit me very hard so much so that I had to take 7 weeks off from work. I miss my Grammy so very much, I know that everyone feels as if their Grandmother is the sweetest and the kindest but my Grammy never said a cross or negative word to any of us she loved us unconditionally. I love her all the more for it. I have had more of a hard time dealing with it than others in our family; it hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t care if I ever woke up again, I prayed that I wouldn’t wake up in all honesty I wanted to die. It was a depression and helplessness that I hoped I would never feel again. I took 7 weeks off from work to get myself better, I found a great doctor who really listened when I talked to him a very caring person. He assured me what I was feeling was normal and that I was not going crazy that grieving is a process, he had to assure me quite often that I wasn’t going crazy actually. I saw him a couple of times a week for months and begin to feel like myself again something I thought would never happen again. I no longer wanted to die I became more like my old self not completely but I didn’t feel as hopeless. I know I am still depressed but I have days that I just feel happy like the old times. When I have bad days now I don’t feel that complete helplessness and sadness that I felt before, I just pray for a better day tomorrow. I had one of those days yesterday a happy day at least I thought so. Last night I overheard my Mother making some negative comments about me to my Father, really mean concerning my weight. I told my Mom I can hear you and that wasn’t very nice and she responded I’m not whispering which to me means she didn’t care if I heard her. That lone statement hurt me considerably I cried for 3 hours. I don’t understand it because I would never say anything to anyone that would hurt them whether they or a stranger or not. But, for the first time in a while I was right back in that same whole of depression and helplessness that I had been working to get myself out of. Last night I prayed to not wake up, unfortunately I did. Do you ever completely escape this sadness or is it always there lingering waiting for something or someone to trigger it and you feel as if you are right back where you started months ago? I felt like I was doing better but I guess I’m not because I feel just as depressed and helpless as I did months ago.