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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

lisafrancesca

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  1. I lost my dad two weeks ago today on March 25, 2004. I am 35 years old and he was only 62. He had struggled with terminal heart disease for the past 5 years and he died suddenly at home from a heart attack. I had just called him and we said I love you to one another before hanging up the phone as always, then he laid down in my mom's arms where he died peacefully. They were married for almost 40 years, and still in love, so it was both fitting and sad that this was how he left the world. He also had the intial stages of Parkinson's disease, and his greatest fear was that he would live crippled by this disease. So my mother and I are comforted that he did not suffer. I am lucky because I have no regrets about my relationship with my father. I am not filled with anger, or regret, or confusion- just overwhelming sadness. He was my best friend and I am having such a hard time dealing with my life without him each day. What complicates things so much more is that my Mom has stage 4 cancer, and actually, we were expecting her to die before my dad, as her condition has worsened over the past few months. I am single and live close to my parents, but I have decided to temporarily live with my mom and to take a leave of absence from work to help care for her and to spend time with her so that I have no regrets when the time comes that I lose her as well. The hardest part is that I am an only child and that I cannot imagine being alone without BOTH of my parents. The pain, fear and anxiety is unbearable. Each day I feel overwhelmed and so sad. It is also so hard to avoid feeling sorry for myself and to keep my attitude positive for my mother, who is often overwhelemd by her sadness for my having to deal with all of this- she is an amazing, selfless person. I am reading these posts and it is amazing to me how many people are experiencing the same thing. I agree that this is the hardest time, when life returns to "normal" and when the visitors stop coming and when you feel like you are the only one in the world with these thoughts. I believe that my father is not very far away, that he is watching us and helping us through this time. I just wish I could dream about him or see him again. His death has hurt me deeply but has also helped me to see some things more clearly. I have no idea how I can manage each day with my grief about the loss of my father while I prepare for the loss of my mother. ????
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