l0st

My brother has been with the same wonderful woman for 20 years, they have been married for 10, and he has a school age son. So he is not alone. He is also very active in the community with his job, and volunteer projects. He keeps himself busy to avoid dealing with his grief. As I mentioned in my original post he and I were estranged for several years, it was almost like he did not want to deal with the only other paternal family member he had left alive. I appreciate your response.

My sympathies.... I think we all go through that "would of, could of should of" phase. I know I did, and still do to some extent. I would like to tell you about my encounter with my departed father. As so many of us do that lose a loved one we wish for that one more time, beg God for a sign, as you mentioned in your post. It was 6 years after my Father passed away, my 6 year old son(at the time) was outside in the yard playing, my husband and I were smiling and laughing at his excitement. I was not thinking of my Father, or how much I missed him at that particular moment. I was rejoicing in the love that I had with my son and husband. Just then as clear as a bell I heard my Father's voice..... he said "Danielle I Love You" and I felt a hand on my back, but noone was standing next to me. I welled up with tears, and ran into the house crying...... I was not crying because of saddness or loss, but of a renewed faith. I begged God so many times to allow me to have the experience and I was so grateful that He did. Had that event happened for me any earlier than when it did, I do not know that I would of been so moved by it. It was a gift, and I treasure it. Heal in the best way you know how, continue with your life knowing that your Mother would want to see you happy, and I am sure that your gift will come to you when you least expect it.

I am so sorry for your loss, what a double whammy. The stages of grief are as follows.. 1)DENIAL 2)ANGER 3)BARGAINING 4)DEPRESSION 5)ACCEPTANCE or as I call them.... 1) yea right this CANNOT be happening to me 2)talk to me and I just may kick you in the chin 3)ok God give me some sign that my Dad knows I still love him and I promise to donate to the pope! 4) i am just going to lay in bed and eat chocolate until i fall into a sugar coma 5) everything that happened did so for a reason ..... I have found humor helps me get through, remembering the good times, remembering that love, knowing that my Dad was the coolest helps as well. I was angry at the world when he passed, and it took me several months before I even began to mourn. I know it sounds cliche, but it does get better with time ... but te key is to ALLOW it to get better....know that your parents would not want you to do anything that would hurt you, they would want you to remain true to yourself, and whatever dreams you may have. Kierkegaard said "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." So do not beat yourself up if you cannot find "meaning"..... get out there and live and let the meaning come to you in due course.

I can sympathize with your pain, I lost my Father 9 years ago and it still hurts, but I think the most important thing to remember is that love never dies, it goes on forever...... knowing that my Dad and I had a remarkable love for eachother and that I can still feel his love 9 years later, really gets me through. Keep his memory alive, telling stories about him, even if it is a silly story may help... it helps me anyway.

My father died 9 years ago, he had a life altering disease and died due to complications from it.... he was sick for over a decade prior to his death, and it took me 6 months after he died to even begin to mourn. I miss him, but I have found a way to cope , I have found a way through the darkness. My brother is however not so well off, we grew up in different houses, he was from my father's first marriage and he is 12 years my senior. (I am 30 yrs old) My brother and I are the only ones left from my paternal side, my fathers parents have passed as well as his 2 siblings, and his nephew. My brother cannot find a way to cope with this, he cant find his way out of the darkness, and I feel like he hasn't mourned in a healthy way, he shut me out for 6 years after our father died and it has only been recently that we have reconnected. He has a small almost non-existant faith system, and I don't know that he will ever change, he in a way feels betrayed by God, for taking his family away. As much as I try to let him know that there is a reason for everything in life and death, it seems like he still cannot see this. I do not know what to do to help my brother through his pain, he was very close to our Dad, and his death hit him extremely hard. So 9 years have passed by since our father died and my brother still cannot cope....... What should I do? Any help is most welcome.