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40yearsoflove

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Everything posted by 40yearsoflove

  1. The whole story would take forever so to make a long story as short as possible drugs took the love of my life away from me and I am sitting here wishing I knew what to do to make it better. Molly and I have known each other for 38 years. When my wonderful wife died back in 2007 with cancer I thought my world had ended. Then a year or so later i ran into Molly and one thing lead to another we got together. After a short rekindling of what was once a romance made in heaven she decided to move in with me. I had no idea at that time that her 2 grown sons were heavily into drugs, using and manufacturing. Her oldest son is 33 years old, has no job, no drivers license, homeless. I know she loves her son and when he constantly sent her text messages telling her how he was starving and sleeping in ditches she kept asking me if he could stay with us "until he could get his life in order." Well, needless to say, after he moved in for months, that never happened and after many arguments she rented an apartment so her son could have a place to stay and being the loving mother she moved in with him. Now for almost 2 weeks I am sitting here wishing I knew what to do to get her back. I know she is enabling his bad behaviour but she can't seem to see that.
  2. To one and all that found Marty's site to be as helpful as I have. My wife, Wanda and I started an online pet casket business together over 11 years ago and the two of us had the great pleasure of being able to work at home together. I lost her to a three year battle with ovarian cancer on April 23, 2007. When Wanda and I created our web site we added a Grief Counselling link to Marty's site. Little did I know that I would ever make use of her services myself. Shortly after she went to be with Jesus I decided to see if the advice I had given so many grieving pet owners would help me. I, like everyone here was distraught at the loss of my lifelong companion and mother of two wonderful children and five beautiful grandchildren Wanda and I had together. Upon sharing my grief with the wonderful people on this forum I found that I was not alone with my "mixed bag" of feelings. Although the pain of losing her after 40 years together never seems to pass, I have finally accepted the fact that she is in a better place and that whatever God has in mind is something I have to learn to live with. I miss her so much but I take life one day at a time and do my best to be strong for those aforementioned children. I wrote a poem that I truly believe was inspired by Wanda. I shared it with this forum back then and hope it helps anyone choosing to read it now. Good luck to one and all and God bless. Together Once More I have reached the end of my life, Time here has ended for me, Shed no tears and don't be sad, Rejoice, my soul is now free. So many things we leave behind, Look around you at the things we shared. But the love we had will continue on, Even though I'm no longer there. Memories we’ve stored will forever last. They will always be there to show. What wonderful times we had in this life, In a garden that ceased to grow. I know this is hard and your pain is great. But I'm at peace now and I wanted you to know. There's no sadness, no pain, no worries at all. I love you but it was my time to go. Death doesn't end it only begins, The future we're meant to see. Eternity in Heaven now lies ahead, And angels we're meant to be So now it is time for you to bow down, And look toward this golden shore. For the time's coming soon when you will come too, And we will be together once more. Author – Hoyt Northcutt
  3. I want to thank you all for your kind words and understanding. Wanda and I were married at 17. She died at 57. We had 40 wonderful years together. We worked together at home in our own business so we were very close. She was the only girl I ever dated and I fell head over heels in love with her back then. We have 2 children and 5 grandchildren together. I've lost 2 sisters, a brother, and mine and Wanda's mother in the past few years so you would think I would be no stranger to death. When Wanda died 2 months ago it was so different. It is as if part of my soul died with her. My future is no longer there. Being in our fifties we were starting to talk about what we would soon be able to do when we retired. All the plans for retirement and travel are all gone now. Everywhere I look and everywhere I go I think the last time I did this or was here or there Wanda was with me. Sometimes I wish I could crawl in a big hole and close the lid. Today was the hardest day I have had to deal with so far and those of you taking the time to write have been a big help in getting me through this day. I thank you.
  4. The tears have stopped and I am just waiting for the next time. I have never done anything like this before and when I first came here I truly felt it was a waste of time but I didn't know where else to turn. Now having read the replies of those having gone through this before I realize that it really does help even if only a little. I thank you Lori, Gods Princess, Derek, and Deborah, for words of hope and understanding and wish you the very best in your future. I am trying so hard to hang in there for those I love but sometimes it just seems overwhelming. Jessica, my 15 year old granddaughter has yet to shed a tear for her Nanny whom I know she worshipped because Wanda raised her and they were so very close in life. I am very worried about her too. Again, thank you all for the kind words and God bless.
  5. It's rather strange that you would say that at this time as I am sitting here crying my eyes out because of something I just did. Wanda's microwave she got for Christmas just stopped working. I went to our storage shed to see if she had saved the box it came in because she always did things like that. I found the box but it was packed with old what nots and personal things of hers that she had put away for safe keeping. When I opened it I lost it completely. I miss her so much and I don't know what I have done to deserve so much pain. There are no words to describe my love for her. Thank you for saying what you did about the kids and grandkids because if it were not for them I know I couldn't deal with this. Everything I look at, touch, smell, reminds me of her in some way. When I saw those things she treasured so carefully packed away for safe keeping it tore at my heart more than anything I have been through so far.
  6. Dear Deborah, I feel that Wanda is in Heaven now and at peace as the poem says. I so want to go there and be with her again but in my heart I know that I am needed here to take care of those who depend on me. That doesn't ease the pain but it at least makes me take the time to stop and think. There is also the problem that if I were to do something like take my own life that God would not allow me to be where she is and I could not stand the thought of not being together again. I therefore am determined to do whatever it takes to make this life work and hope that someday I can rejoin Wanda on that golden shore because I know then that it is foreever. God bless you and you hang in there.
  7. Wanda and I were together for almost 40 glorious years and I lost her 2 months ago to ovarian cancer. So many times I have begged God for understanding but have yet to receive any. Every day I wish I could go too but I am still here. I have on many occasions considered ending the seemingly endless pain of losing her but I always find a reason not to. She made me promise to take care of our 15 year old granddaughter and I think that is what keeps me going. I see her in my dreams and even talk to her. Last night I felt cold as I slept and I dreamt she pulled the covers up for me. She recently inspired the following poem as I slept. I woke up at 4:30 in the morning to jot down the words. I am not a poet so forgive me for the primitive writing but I thought it might help someone who reads it. The last 2 paragraphs are what keeps me going so maybe it will help someone else too. Together Once More Now I have reached the end of my life, Time here has ended for me, Shed no tears in a dimly lit room, Don’t cry for a soul set free. This is the journey that everyone takes, And each of us will take it alone. It’s all just part of God’s plan for us, Another step on the road to home. There are so many things we leave behind, Look around you at the things we shared. But the love we had will continue on, Even though I'm no longer there. Memories we’ve stored will forever last. They will always be there to show. What wonderful times we had in this life, In a garden that ceased to grow. I know this is hard and your pain is great. But I'm at peace now and I wanted you to know. There's no sadness, no pain, no worries at all. I love you but it was my time to go. So now it is time for you to bow down, And look toward this golden shore. For the time's coming soon when you will come too, And we will be together once more.
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