About ten years ago, one of my friends lost his mom and dad within months of each other. They were a very close knit family, and he was devastated by the loss. During the past few years, he has basically withdrawn from life because because his grief. He doesn't hang out with his friends as much, he quit working, he stays home most of the time, he prefers being online rather than in real life. He realizes that he has a problem, but he isn't ready to seek help. He feels ashamed and stupid that he let his life spiral out of control. I tell him that he shouldn't feel stupid and ashamed; it's the depression, not him. I urge him to open up to his best friend about this, but he is too ashamed. I urged him to talk to other friends who suffer from depression, but he doesn't want to burden them with his problems. He likes to write so I suggested he write down his feelings, but he's not interested in dealing with his problems. I've gave him a link to this board, but he doesn't want to deal with his grief. I've told him that he should seek some professional help. I try to get him to tell stories about his parents to remember the good times, but talking about his parents only makes him sad. When I asked him what he wants me to do, he said I should keep things light and fluffy and stop dredging up all his real life problems. I stopped mentioning his grief to see if he would improve on his own; he did not. I introduce him to new projects which I know he will enjoy, but then I end up feeling guilty about helping him avoid his problems. I'm at a loss at what to do. I'm the only one who knows the true extent of his grief. He manages to hide it from his other friends by creating a facade of happiness. He is happy as long as he avoids dealing with all the real life issues. Should I tell his friends about the depth of his problems? Should I do what he wants, which is to keep things light by pretending that everything is ok? Or do I keep pushing him to get help, even though it makes him feel incredibly sad, terrible, and stupid every time I bring the subject up? And if I do what he wants, then how do I deal with the guilt over the fact that I'm standing idly by while his life is crumbling?
