On April 24, I lost my beautiful 20 year old daughter Sarah. She had cystic fibrosis but had been doing OK, then she got pneumonia right before Easter and within 2 weeks, she was dead. I had to make the decision to turn off life support. She was young, beautiful, full of life, and my best friend. Then just like that, she was gone. She still lived at home and all of her things are still lying where she left them. I can't bring myself to do anything with them, but at the same time I can't stand to look at them. On top of that, my husband seems to think that we need to get "back to normal" while I feel anything but normal. I know he is grieving too but it doesn't seem to affect him the way it is affecting me. I want to be surrounded by her friends and others who loved her. I don't feel like doing anything constructive, although I do manage to get the necessary things done. Meanwhile my husband who before this rarely drank, is drinking just about every night, and I am resentful towards him because while he can drink his problems away, I have to remain alert and focused and care for the other kids and the house and the details that have to be dealt with after someone dies. I have heard that the death of a child causes many marriages to break up and I feel that is where we are headed. I don't want it but I feel resentful toward him as if he could have prevented her death. I replay in my head every battle they ever had (both are very strong-willed, and there was a lot of conflict). I feel angry toward him for not being at the hospital with her, not being in the room with her when she died, and for wanting to "go on with life" as if nothing ever happened. I feel like a huge hole has been ripped into me and I am angry with him for not feeling the same way. Anyone out there who can help me? I don't want my whole family to fall apart and I know that's not what Sarah would want either, but I can't just go on like nothing has happened this soon after losing my daughter and best friend. Lisa D
