Ramona

Hi Marty, Thank you. I also received your e-mail. I appreciate your immediate reply. Ramona

Hello, I came across this site while searching the internet for grief support. My mother passed away in late March and the journey since then has been very painful. I am 45 and my mother was 77. I like a few others on this site did not have a relationship with my mother as I would have liked. My mother was undiagnosed mentally ill all of my life and then had incredible paranoia the last two years of her life. I know each of our stories is vastly different and yet the same. I am grieving what was, what never was and what will never be. I thought I had done quite a bit of therapeutic and spiritual work over the years to lessen the impact however what has surfaced are childhood emotions and memories that I had suppressed. Ironically I can relate to many stories of others who had a strong relationship with their mothers. My sisters and I inherited a home of my mothers and they wanted to sell it immediately. I had such a hard time and was not ready to sell right away. I wanted to hold onto it. I was just not ready to let it go. I think because letting go of all of her stuff meant that she was truly gone and what was left were just my feelings and unresolved nature of what we didn't have. What would that make of the struggles I had my whole life mean? Nothing? It was equally hard going through her stuff and realizing what was left of her life. I cannot even imagine viewing the death certificate right now. Just writing about it is incredibly painful. I am really angry right now which I understand is a natural part of the process. The pain is incredible and does not seem just, relative to the pain of our relationship over the years. I so want to surrender my feelings and my pain. I pray for peace to wash over me. I would welcome conversation with anyone who would care to share in your experience and what you found supported you during your healing.