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Rjb445

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Everything posted by Rjb445

  1. Thank you all, For your support and replies. I was down that day, I got a chance to write to my dad and tell him a little about how I was feeling. I also have another friend who is has been a really good listener latley. I know you all are right about not holding back. It is sometimes easier , for me anyways, to tell someone that I don't know how I feel. Maybe I feel less judged but I know that I am not the only person going through this and I won't be the last. I am here to help support too. This is not meant for us to do alone that is not what life is all about. I'm in a much better mood today, lots of thanks to you guys!
  2. I am new here, I found this forum searching for support like many of you did. It been 3 months since my mom passed away. She was young, 45 years to be exact. I am 23 and have a wife a 3 month old daughter. I live out side of the US because of my job and my wife is here with me. My mother had brain cancer for a little over a year and a half. She was doing great always positive never down or sad. She lived her last year like it was her last enjoyed every moment she could, even during the painful moments. I was not around for most of all it maybe why I am having such a hard time with it all. Up until the last month of her life every one thought she was going to pull through, the progression was so good that even the doctors were amazed. On the last CAT scan she had it showed that it had spread so much so fast that there was nothing that could be done. I was and still am devistated by it, I am just starting to feel the pain. It comes in waves, I feel distant from my wife and most the people I know. I hide my feelings just becuase I don't want to share them with the people that love me. Maybe I just don't want to bring them down. The hardest part for me is that I had to make a choice one that I didn't know I was going to have to make and one that I could not control. I could have left my wife over here and gone home and been with my mom. Or I could stay till my daughter was born and then leave. When my wife went into labor I thought I still had a chance to make it home in time to say my final goodbye. I was wrong on the day of my daughters birth a few hours later my mom pass away. She was no longer able to talk but I got to tell her, over the phone,I loved her and that my daughter was born healthy and bueatiful. I know that time will help heal me, I understand that the pain will always be there, and I can except it. I am however a completely differnt person now and feel a little lost.
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