rmartin

Marty, Thank you for your response. I needed to hear much of what you said again. I did read a book on grieving early on and you said many of the same things. I guess one gets so buried in grief that after a while you lose perspective. I am glad I found this Web site and I will check into yours. I'm sure you have heard this before but one of the hardest things about losing your spouse as I did, is I never had the chance to say goodbye. There were so many things I could have done better when she was alive. Though we had a wonderful marriage, there were so many times that I didn't give her the attention, adoration or complements I should have. It took her death for me to see the areas in which I failed and that is so difficult to live with. I was a good husband. I never cheated on her or anything like that. Even so, just in the day-to-day experiences of life I can see areas where I could have done better. She was so caring and loving toward me. So unselfish and so giving. She was so much better at that than I. She love her kids and grandkids so much. I'm writing this from my office at work and I can help but cry as I write. Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. I am trying very hard to live a life that would be pleasing to her and that would honor her. If she could see me I think she would be so proud that I didn't go off the deep end with substance abuse or something like that. I am sincerely trying to be a better person and trying to take on her qualities and improve myself. When tragedy strikes one finds themselves at a cross roads. You can either go the way of bitterness, anger and abuse or go the way of God and living a life that is positive and self improving. I chose the later. I don't know if this makes the grieving process any easier. I can just write on and on. Again, thank you and God bless. Rich

I'm new to this site, My name is Rich. I lost my wife of 32 years in a car crash on 10/10/03. She was simply headed for her lunch break from work when an unlicensed, repeat offender hit her head on. She was killed instantly. He is being chaged with felony vehicular manslaughter. We have two daughters and three grandkids. Jo Ann was the love and the soul of my life. We had such a wonderful marriage. We did so much together over the years. The memories are so haunting I can hardly take it. I am so alone now. The warmth in my life is gone. My house seems so cold and empty. The flowers she planted the day before her death are still flourishing. I see them everyday as I walk out the front door and I'm always hit with a ton of bricks. I still haven't fully accepted it. I am sad inside most of the time but at work and at times when I have to I have a vaneer of OK-ness. Since her death I have been trying to make a new life for myself. I've purchased a new car, new furnature, done some remodeling, purchased a lot of new clothes and toys to keep myself busy and preoccupied but I have found this all to be in vain. Nothing can replace her I know that but I was foolish to think that maybe I can distract myself from the pain. It's just something that I have to live with and grow through. I have found that unless someone (friends/family) has experience the sudden and unexpected death of your spouse they really can't understand. I am always alone even with other people. I feel I've been pierced through the heart. I have little interest in things except for gardening now because we used to love doing it together on weekends. I had so many other interests and hobbies but they don't seem to mean much anymore. I am constantly thinking of her and have trouble concentrating at work. My mind keeps wondering off thinking of the memories we made together and just thinking about her wonderful smile and how much she loved life. I can not think about the car crash. I have never looked at the photos or read the police report because I just could not take it. I do everything possible not to even speculate what happened that day. As I write this I am so sad and distracted. I'm at work but wish I were home working in the garden. I somehow feel close to her doing that. I never thought, as you, that I'd ever be in this position and now that I am, it is so strange that I can hardly come up with the words to say. Anyway, that's my story. I know many of you are walking in my shoes and I know you understand what I am saying. Thank you for listening and I hope and pray we all make it though this terrible time. RM