rosanne

Michelle The only way that I know how to cope, is put one foot in front of the other. It is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I think that it does help to know that there are others out there that know exactly how you are feeling, or when you do express your feelings, you don't feel like you are loosing your mind, when others share the same feelings and thoughts. My mom was my best friend in the world! I am so sorry for your loss. I never understood why mom had to go first, she was in such good health all the time, my dad had been in terrible health every since I could remember. I did have that time with him and we grew close too, I called him my BIG baby, because I had to do everything for him. Today is the anniversary of my mom's death 2 years. It seems like she has bee gone forever.... I miss her so much my heart breaks. I go to their house every day, and to their graves a lot. I am a lost soul right now. What are my options? Put one foot in front of the other. I hope you have a better day! Rosanne

AnnieO, How do you cope being an orphan, when your parents were your life? I was with both of them when they took their last breath.... I am the oldest so therefore have to take care of all of the business. I have to be the adult, and be there for two very immature brothers, that I adore- I feel like I am their mother instead of their sister. I want to scream... most of the time.... I want to sleep.... I don't want to go to work... I don't want to clean my house.... I don't want to be anywhere! Does this make sense to anyone???? I am trying not to show my grief around my daughter, because expecting should be a happy time for her- (she adored her grandparents, and were there for them every step) I want to get in the car and leave and not tell anyone where I am, not to worry them.... but that is how I feel. There are no support groups around here, we live in such a small town.... My husband has been supportive, but he still does not know the hurt I feel, how much I loved them. I don't think I had time to grieve for mom (tommorow is her 2 year anniv. of her death) because, I was thrown in to taking 100% care of my dad. It is like it is hitting me like a huge wave and I can't swim. I am taking antidep. and something to help me sleep at night. Rosanne

Thank you all for your kind words. This sight helped me so much with mom, most of the time when I would finish posting I would be crying, but I needed to do that. We found out 2 days after my dad past away that my daughter (has been trying for 4 years) is expecting. She had to go through the egg donor route-(which was her best friend). We heard the heart beat yesterday, and this was also my dad's birthday... Bittersweet time for us. I know exactly how you feel. My mom's anniversary of her death is tomorrow June 10th- I honestly don't see how to keep going. Very Very hard time right now. Rosanne

I was on here two years ago grieving over my mom and now my dad passed away May 4, 2009. I don't even know how to cope with all of this Rosanne

I am so sorry about your mom. I have not posted here in a long time. My mom passed away in June 2007 and this sight helped me so very much. I have since just buried my father May 4th of this year. It has been a HARD 3 years. Watching my 2 favorite people in the whole wide world leave me and my family. I was with them both when they passed away, sometimes I wonder if that is a gift or what? It is the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life. You have to go on and live your life the way that you know they wanted you to live. Do something for others.... My daughter has frantically been trying to get prg. too and has had a lot of fertility issues, well guess what whe found out the day my dad passsed away and guess when the doctor wants her to come in and hear the heart beat? June the 8th (that was my dad's birthday) He works in ways I can not even imagine. I am thinking of you, and know your pain. Hey AnnieO Rosanne

Karen, Oh how I could relate to what you were writing. My mom passed away a year ago, we were very very close- I say too close but it was what it was.... WE loved shopping together- I did not know if I would be able to ever do that again when she died- but I forced myself the first three times I did -I could only stay a few minutes and would come out crying my eyes out- I still have hard times, you will also- but you made the first step and you did something for yourself that will start your healing process. It is very hard Karen, every day is hard but I promise you it will get a little better as time goes by.... Shell- along with numerous others I could name, were wonderful! This is a good place. Someday you may not feel like writing and some days you will. DO what makes you feel o.k. Hugs to you Rosanne

KayC, I am thinking of you, dear one and I am so sorry for what you are going through. Time will tell! You have to do what you feel. Know that you have friends here with big shoulders.

Allalone, Thank you, so much for your kind words and yes, I truly believe that you know how I feel. I made it through. I do not know in the morning when I wake up what kind of a day it will be- sometimes I do not even have a clue that in the next minute I am going to be crying and out of control. My son is also going through a divorce, and has two small children, and this has torn my heart out... I do not know how to cope and wonder, when and if I will ever be happy again! My life is spinning out of control and I can not do any thing about it............NOTHING.

I am with you, Bob on this one. I can not figure it out and don't try- this is a roll with the flow thing.... Rosanne

Shauna Marie- You have a beautiful name.. How long has your mom been gone? I thank you for your post. Rosanne

Dear DebFromLodi, It will be a year June 11th for me- the day that my world started spinning and has not stopped. Will we ever be the same- NO Will we ever find joy again-I don't know Were we loved-YES Can we go on without her, not as well- somedays I don't even want to- but what choice do we have? We were blessed. Life does not seem fair.... I have so many feelings going around in my head... so many WHYS!!!!! They will not be answered. I needed my mother so, she even made that comment God will not take me because he knows how much you all need me.............

Dear Kay, I am praying for your friend and for YOU! I know this opens up so many hurts for you too. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Rosanne

Leeann and Lori, Thank you so very much for your sweet response. It does help to talk with someone that has been through what you are going to go through. I have always loved life, not to say that I have not had my share of knocks- but, some how things are so different for me now, it is like the joy you had in your heart is gone, and even though you do have family and friends in your life that you love, you wonder will that joy ever come back, or is this the way I will be the rest of my life? Who knows.... I do feel very changed, as the two of you probably feel also. I guess, I thought my mom would live forever, never dreamed that this would happen to us... Thank you again, for your kind words- Rosanne

It will be a year June 11th- it is hard to believe that I have been on this forum that long, times go on. I do not know how I will get through this day. I want to miss work, I don't think I can function- my mom worked with me and every day is a struggle, I see her everywhere, I still see her handwriting and it makes me so sad- She was my everything... and we were so so close. I feel like half of me is gone. My joy is gone. I do not feel whole anymore, what use to mean something means nothing, now. How will I get through this?

God bless your family KayC- I will keep them in my prayers. Rosanne

STARKISS I will miss you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your posts and every way that you helped me. Fairwell my friend, until we meet again! Rosanne

Shelley, I do not think that grief has a time frame, Shelley. I think with it being 3 years for you, it just proves how much you loved! Even though I will hit my 1 year mark June 11th, I do not know how I will get through it. I just feel so drained all of the time and so tired of not having any joy in my life, my joy was buried with my mom. I am also taking care of a very sick 75 year old dad that I am very close to. I commited to taking care of him, because that is what mom would have wanted, but it is hard and I do not think that I do a good job all of the time. I hope you have a better day and just know that you are not alone! Rosanne

Shelley, I am the same way. It is coming up on my 1st anniversary of my mother's death and everyday I feel a little more tense. I miss her so, I do not know how I am going to get through it or even if I want to anymore, I am so d---- sad all of the time! Tears flow for no reason- Rosanne

leeann, Thanks for your sweet reply. I did have a nice time with my friend, she can always make me laugh, because she is so goofy. I do know we need to take more time for ourselves. I know what you mean, when you discribe it as raw! When I was at the grave yesterday, my daughter went with me- we were setting on a bench we had put down. A car was backing up towards us, and my daughter said, that looks like Mrs. Edna (she lives about 60 miles from me has been the dearest friend to my family and such an inspiration) I went up to her and hugged her so tight (she is 84 years old) and told her how glad I was to see her, and she said I was here for a funeral and wanted to visit my loved one's graves and put a flower on them- she handed me a flower for mom's. We were both there at the same time.... it had to be GOD.

This will be my first year. I don't know how I will be on that day, but I know how I have felt leading up to it, I HATE COMMERCIALS!@! about Mother's Day. I am also 50 and my mother and I were so close... I am going to visit my best friend for the week-end and return Sun. evening and visit mom's grave hopefully my brothers will join me and we can do this together. I am fixing her floral arrangement tonight. God Bless YOU ALL!

AnnieO, I am so glad that you went and I know that you both feel so much better just talking and being together, can mean so much. I have one brother I can do that with and one I can't- funny how humans can be so different and raised by the same parents. I am so proud for you... Rosanne

Dear Teny, I hope and pray that you are much better. Grief is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I share your pain and wonder what there is left for me. I am hoping that we will both have better days ahead. One step at a time. Rosanne

Dearest Wilma2, My heart goes out to you. I lost my mom to cancer last June. You did the best you knew how to do at the time, I don't think there is a right or wrong way when you are dealing with decisions as this. She was your mother you loved her, and she loved you in the end that is all that really matters. Please, do not blame yourself for anything. You have your father to deal with, as I still do and let me assure you there is nothing like having to care for someone after such a loss, it is like I never really had time to grieve I was just thrown into caregiver- let me tell you, I am grieving almost as much today as I did the day it happened. I have times that it hurts me so bad I can barely stand it- matter of fact yesterday was one of those days- I really did not even see it coming- it just hits you. Take time to grieve, some time for yourself if that is possible- I did not do that. Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right... Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. Rosanne

Midnight, You are so right, it is a hole in the hearts that have been left behind. I really do not have any encouraging words, I just try and take it a day at a time, and somedays, I do so bad.... it has been 10 months since' I lost my mom. Our lives are forever changed. Your mother is depending on you to help her, which I know you are doing all you can and will continue- to do, but I do understand your frustrations. I think you are doing a lot better than you are giving yourself credit for, try and give yourself a break there. Try to do something just for YOU! Take Care..

Gail, So sorry for your loss, I know the pain can be so unbearable at times! Please, know that I am thinking of you and hope that today will be better for you. Rosanne