feeling-lost

I haven't logged on here for a long time, but am feeling as though I need some advise or a guiding hand in the month coming. My dad was killed in an accident on the 16th December 2006, and it is his birthday in 3 days. I just feel very anxious and scared about how I'm going to get through his birthday, the anniversary of his death, Christmas, and my birthday (which happens to be Christmas Day) all in a matter of weeks. I used to love Christmas so much, probably because its my birthday too, and every year is a celebration, no matter what, but this year I feel so different about it. Last year wasn't as hard, even though we had just lost dad 9 days before, but I think then it was all so surreal, and hadn't sunk in yet. But this year, I just want to skip it all. I guess I haven't really dealt with the loss of my dad, and I think its because I just don't want to..... I'm also scared to go to my boyfriends christmas party this year, because I was at his christmas party last year when I found out about dad, and the party is the night before his 12 month anniversary. My boyfriend has already told me that I don't have to go if I don't feel up to it, but I think I will probably feel worse if I'm sitting around at home. Anyway, I'm sorry to load this onto all of you, but I guess every now and then it feels nice to let out the feelings I am having. I have also been thinking about going to see a councillor / psychiatrist and just want to know whether people have done this and would recommend it. Thanks for listening. M.

I'm from Australia, and its Fathers Day here on Sunday. My dad died in December last year. I have tried to avoid thinking about the day and everything it holds, but I just don't seem to be able to escape it. Its really amazing how many advertisements there are on television for fathers day and how many reminders you receive - 'don't forget fathers day this sunday', 'what will you get your dad for fathers day', 'find the perfect gift for your dad this fathers day'.......... & on & on it goes................ I guess I'm just feeling a little angry at this time of year, and its like I just want to shout out to everyone 'MY DAD ISN'T AROUND FOR THIS FATHERS DAY, SO STOP REMINDING ME & ASKING ME ABOUT IT'!!!!! I just feel like I'm aloud to be a little selfish when it comes to these things, because I've had to deal with enough bad emotional feelings and experiences, that everyone should give me a break and not make me feel worse about it! I just wish that the important holidays and anniversaries could just wait until next year, when I might actually be ready to deal with them........ but for now, I'm just not ready to deal! I think I just needed to vent my feelings, so sorry this isn't a pleasant topic!

Lavender, I am so sorry for your loss. You sound like you had an amazing relationship with your mother. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be without my mum. I lost my dad over 7 months ago, and you are exactly right, it doesn't seem to get easier with time. In fact, I think it gets harder. I'm sorry to say that, but its how I feel about my dad. Everyone is different though, and everyone copes differently with death. I am also the same as you in that I don't like to express my emotions in front of my family - I just feel like I don't want to bring them down when I am down too. They tell me all the time that I am a closed book and that I should talk about how I feel - I just would rather not upset them, and remember the happy and precious moments that we spent with my dad, rather than talk about the sad times. I'm sorry, I can't really offer you too much advice or support, as I too am looking for answers, but I really hope you find what you are looking for. I'll just say this - I think that my dad is always with me, as your mum would be with you. They are always there to talk to and be comforted by - just in a very different way. I guess it all depends on what you believe in. Regards, 'Feeling-lost'

clrw, I am so sorry about your dad. i lost my dad in december last year - right before my 24th birthday. he was only 51. it was an accident, so it was so suddent. i still can't believe that he's gone. i am the same in what you said about you dad always teasing you about giving him granchildren - my dad did the same with us - and my brother and his wife found out that they were expecting their 1st child the day before my dad died. he didn't even know. they are now due in 2 weeks - and i know that when they have their baby, there will be so much excitement, but also sorrow, because my dad isn't there to enjoy his 1st grandchild. i can't offer you much advice on how to cope, as i am looking for answers myself. i just hope you find what you're looking for. take care.

My dad passed away in December last year - 9 days before Christmas & my 24th birthday. He was killed in a work accident, so it was so sudden and the most unexpected and shocking thing to have ever happened to my family. I was at my boyfriend & brothers christmas party (they worked together) when we got the call. It happened in Queensland (we live in Victoria), and it took them 5 days to get him back to Vic so that we could see him. None of us let it sink in that he was really gone until we actually saw him. The it hit home that it was all real. Its been over 7 months now & its getting harder for me to cope with him being gone. I still keep thinking that its all a bad dream, and that one of these days i'm going to wake up and he'll be here. People say that over time things get easier....... but i'm finding that over time, my pain just gets stronger and it hurts so much more now, than it did when it happened. I don't talk to my family or partner about this, because i don't want people to worry about me - i don't want to be a burden on people. i guess i'm a pretty closed book when it comes to talking about my feelings with people i know - i would rather talk to a stranger about this stuff - i guess because i know that they won't need to worry about me later. My girlfriends dad passed away on the weekend, and his funeral is in 3 days. i don't want to go - but i know i have to. i'm just so scared that i'm going to break down and feel exactly how i did when it was my own dad. I'm scared im going to go straight back to the beginning of the pain........ i just don't seem to be getting any better with all this. Another thing is - my brother and his wife found out that they were expecting their 1st baby the day before my dad was killed..... and they are due in less than 2 weeks. it will be my dads 1st grandchild, and all he ever wanted was grandkids. i just hate the thought that he never got to experience what he really wanted - i feel guilty that i never gave him any..... I miss my dad so much, and i just feel like this pain is never going to go away.........