DawnG

Hello, please please please don't feel guilty for feeling the loss of your mother. It doesn't matter if it was yesterday, a month ago, a year ago, 10 years ago. You'll always feel that sense of loss. I lost my mom June 18 2007 and have found out on my own and through the help of the book Motherless Daughters that grief doesn't just happen and go away, it stays with you for a lifetime, it may disappear for a time but a smell or a sound can bring it back in an instant and that is normal. So please don't feel that you should be getting over it like your husband says, that is not the right thing to say to someone who has lost someone. Maybe, if you're daughter was close to your mom it would be good to talk to your daughter about it, you might be surprised. I had the same issue with my sister, I was deathly afraid to bring it up but now she brings it up and I'm very proud of her for that. I hope this helps you out. So sorry for your loss. Take Care Dawn

2 years ago today @ 9:13 pm CT my mom past away. I miss her so much but I have realized that time does heal although it does never forget. Don't even know what to say, I feel numb, like I did the day she died.

Hi Carole, I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer June 2007, she too lived with me and I feel orphaned as well, my dad is alive but has never been in the picture. Grief counseling is the best thing and go through her stuff when you're ready, it's not going anywhere. Unfortunately, my moms husband won't let us go through her stuff that is at the farm so we're stuck when it comes to that. I wish you all the best, there are a lot of very caring people here so take advantage of it Dawn

I know exactly how you feel, I took care of my mom when she was sick and I can't believe I was strong either and so weak now. I often thought that I killed her by an overdose of adivant and morphine. It's hard but you can't second guess anything that you did because what you did was simply be an angel in quidance to helping your mother get to heaven, she loved what you did for her and wouldn't have had it any other way. Please don't second guess yourself I know it's hard but try not to. You did the best you could and you should be proud of yourself, I know your mom is!! She will show you a sign when she thinks you're ready. My mom died at my sisters and I took care of her for a little over a week, was her medical caregive even though I have no background, My brother and sister helped with every thing else, well long story short, I slept in the hospital bed that she died in that night and I got a nice cold feeling on my cheek as me and her dog drifted off to slumber. You will get that sign when you're not looking for it. I commend you for what you did! I am proud of you!!

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dawn

Hi Shelley, Thank you for the hug, it means a lot to me. It's so hard being with out your bestfriend/mother, every day we have to learn how to do things without her, it's not fair but some how, we've come this far, I know we can continue. I give you a hug as well and hope that you remember the good things about your mom and how you would celebrate it if she were here. My heart goes out to you and yours. Dawn

Hello, I celebrated my 39th Bday. The 2nd without my mom. It actually was a good bday, My niece gave me a necklace with my mothers faced etched on it with "will always love you, mom" on the back of it, I cried of course and my 13 yr old nephew started crying too. It was very touching to know that she is not just missed by me, I know she is but it's nice to see people show it. My nephew really misses her, I remember at her funeral, we couldn't find him and we were getting ready to start, My brother went to find him, he was in the bathroom crying, he was only 11 at the time, he loved his grandma and I'm getting teary eyed right now typing this because it makes me so sad to know how sad my nephew was and still is. Anyway, it was sad with her not being here but it was also a fun bday, I ended up having a lot of fun, I occupied my time with friends and family, I guess that's all I can ask for right? Dawn

she's adorable!! I have 2 dogs an akita and a basset/shepard mix, whenever they hear me sniffle they come running over and put their heads on my lap, they are so sweet. It sounds like you'll have a packed day with lots of stuff to do, that will help. Take Care Dawn These are my 2 dogs

First off, what a beautiful dog you have!! I bet he/she helps you when you're sad, I know mine do. Thank you for sharing your story, when my mom died, all the painfull memories came flooding back as well. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist and getting some help with medication, I'm seeing a therapist as well and it has helped me a great deal. During the 1st year I was a mess like you, never thought it would ever get better and as the anniversary came up I was having panick attacks, crying at work, moping around. The hardest thing to do is to stop focusing on the death but to focus on the life. I still find myself reverting back to my moms death, it wasn't pretty, seeing her weighing 75 pds nothing but skin and bones. My advice would be to take that day off, spend it with your husband if you can, remember the good times you had with him and it really does get better with time, it's only been a year and 8 months since my mom died but I'm doing so much better than I was 8 months ago. I hope this helps. Dawn

I'll try to give you a short version of what me, my brother and sister and I have been going through since my mom died June 18 2007. To start, she was married to a complete jerk and was wanting to leave him but she didn't, she took care of him for the entire time they were married, she worked hard and he did nothing, she paid for everything, the house was hers, everything in that house was hers. This is the kind of guy he is, when she died, My uncle went in the room, whispered in her ear ( she was in a coma ) he said MaryAnn it's Bobby, she took one last breath and died, well Jerry ( My moms husband ) told everyone that he was in the room with her, when he actually left 6 hours prior to her death and would only come visit her for maybe 3 hours a day. He would argue with her about money and bills while she was dying, we ( my sister brother and I ) took him aside at the hospital in the family room and let him have it, for a while he was better with my mom but my mom didn't want anything to do with him anymore, she had had it, in her last 2 weeks of her life she finally realized what an ass he is and what a waste it was being with him. My mom was a wonderful woman she just didn't want to be alone. Anyway, she was also in denial and never finished her will and wasn't able to change her life insurance policies into our name because when she was going to do it, it was too late, the cancer spread to her brain and she was coherent. She did sign off her medical rights to us in time, which meant we got to take care of her at my sisters house during her last days. Anyway, My mom was a collector of many things, cookie jars, snow babies, german smokers and antiques and lots of family pictures, xmas decorations, jewelry etc....well Jerry ( I call him d*ckhead ) will not give us anything and since there was no will we have nothing to fight against. He told us after a year of her death we could come up there and get some stuff ( we know what our mom wanted us to have, she told us and we know she told him ) Well, he had brought up a few things since she died but it was all junk stuff nothing of centimental value. So I wrote him a letter a few weeks ago asking when we could come up and get our mothers stuff, he being the yellow belly that he is, left me a voicemail saying that every thing is his and that I need to get online with my life and forget about my moms stuff. Did I mention that this asshole is seeing someone? and that this someone is the pastor, yes pastor of his church, oh and did I mention that this b*tch was at the burial and said some words at my moms burial? My mom quit that church 6 months before she died because she didn't like that lady, no wonder why, my mom knew.....I really, really, really want to hurt him in the worst way. He is such a selfish bastard. I figured out what I'm going to do, every year on her birthday and every year on the anniversary of her death, I'm going to send the same letter asking when we can come and get our moms stuff, this way he will know that we're not going away and that he has no power over us. Has anyone had to deal with something like this? I'm really thinking of writing a letter to congress in regards to the estate laws with a deceased with children over 18 and no will. I'm sure this type of thing happens a lot.

Hello thinkspring, I lost my mom June 18 2007 and it was and still is by far the hardest thing I have and will ever have to deal with. I guess my advice or my opinion on grief is that when they say it gets easier with time, "they" are right, you may not think it now but WOW it really does, for me I know I will never be okay with it and I still haven't accepted it but I'm "okay" I don't cry every night and all day, I think of her every day and I still cry but it's not as intense as it use to be. My mom died of pancreatic cancer, she lived 1.5 years after her diagnosis, she was a beautifully strong woman. My heart goes out to you for the loss of your mother. This is a great place to post your thoughts and feelings. Dawn

t's been 1 year and a little over 8 months since my mom has past. I'm doing better with my grief but some days are better than others. I still find myself crying at my desk sometimes when I think about her, she's in my thoughts every day. My great nephew had his 1 year shots done yesterday and a memory popped into my head of my mom taking me for my kindergarten shots and her having to carry me home cuz I wouldn't walk lol She was such a great mother, she raised us kids by herself and never complained about it. What a strong person she was. I see my mom in my nephew, she always wanted a great grandkid and wanted to be alive to see it, the only way she knew was by me whispering in her ear when she was in a coma, I said mom, you're going to be a great grandma and her eyes moved inside so fast, I wish I could have told her while she was alert but we didn't find out soon enough and in a way, it might have broke her heart knowing she wouldn't be around for him. BUT we did go shopping for quilt material 2 months before she died and she said to me, I'm going to pick out material for the great grandkid I'll never know. So now we have all this quilt stuff and nobody knows how to quilt!! lol Mom couldn't start any of the quilts because the last round of chemo she was on wrecked her hands, her poor hands were so sore, it looked like 3rd degree burns on them, the bottoms of her feet were the same way. God I miss her so much, good thing I'm going to therapy today Anyway, that's just a little rant I needed to say, I hope everyone is doing well.

Don't let your family interfer with your grief, everyone's grief is different. My sister was the same way and still is. You'll never be okay with it it just gets easier with time. I went to therapy to get help and I tell ya, I'm so glad I did because it really helps. Hang in there and post here as much as you need to. Dawn

I don't remember the ones prior to my moms illness but I do remember 2 thanksgivings ago, we went to my moms far for turkey day. I spent the whole week prior with her ( she lived with me too so we spent a lot of time together anyway) but it was different. We went through ALL of her xmas decorations and she has sooooooo many. 3 closets full. It was fun. the night before turkey day the rest of the family came up and we had some drinks, we aren't big drinkers but for some reason that night my niece, nephew, sister and aunt tied one on. We decided to turn all of her pictures in the kitchen upside down and all of her cookie jars, at least 100, facing the wall. When mom woke up she said "those F'n kids" and then laughed, it was so funny. Before that my niece and I were the only one who stayed up late, mom came up around 4 and just laughed at us for being up still. That was so much fun. Turkey day itself was fun as well. She taught my niece how to make her famous gravy, it was cute watching them together. The last Xmas we had together was very special for my mom, she asked me what she should get everyone to make it significant, I told her jewelery and she got everyone a ring, she was so excited watching us open our gifts from her. I can now see her smiling face and can picture her laughing, makes me cry but makes me happy too. I miss you mom and I miss my kitty captain that I had put to sleep a week before she died (liver cancer for the kitty)

This will be the 2nd holiday season with out my Mom. I was starting to feel a little better about everything then the holidays start and I'm back to square one again. My mom loved christmas, she would OVERLY decorate It's really lonely without her hear, especially during the holidays. She would make all the baked goods, cookies, fudge all that kind of stuff. I miss her carmel rolls that she would make and I just miss her, I'm at work right now and just crying at my desk. I want her back so badly. Dawn

Hi Allalone, I think that the site of death memorials are just another way of how people grieve. My brother n law, owns some properties, one of his tenants killed and raped someone in his apartment, family and loved ones placed a memorial on the lawn and he didn't know what to do, he kept it up and soon enough the people took it down. I've learned through my grief how different everyones is. My sister, rarely talks about it....my brother...never. Me, it's almost always on my mind. I still think of her every day but like you, it's not always bad or sad, last night was a real cryer for me. Not real sure what brought it on but I miss her so much. She was my support system, I have so many troubles in my life since she's past and I have had a hard time dealing with them with out her. But for those who are new to their grief, everyone says this, but it really does get better, you may not think it, but before you know it, there will be a day that goes by with out crying. Dawn

Hi Liberty, I'm not sure who it is you've lost but I know that I felt and sometimes still feel that way. It's the hardest thing anyone can go through, losing someone they love. I lost my mom to a nasty cancer, pancreatic, took care of her in her last days. If you want, tell me your story, I'm a good listener.

I miss my mom too, I've been crying at my desk all morning. She died June 18 2007 and I miss her every day. [attachmentid=324]

Four months since she died today. I miss her just as m uch as I did when she took her last breath. I get angry when I see elderly women and ask why do they get to grow old and my mom never got the chance. I see moms with daugthers and want to scream, I want to tell everyone I see that my mom died. I'm just in a weird place tonight, not really sure what I'm writting.

Hi Annie, my thoughts are with you as well. I know this must be a very difficult time for you. Dawn

He won't listen to anyone, he just says, she's gone and it's all his. He's very cold hearted. Near the end, well actually, ever since she was diagnosed she grew more distant from him, I went with her to all of the appt's and stuff. The week before she died, she told me he didn't deserve the farm, she didn't want to be with him any longer but she also didn't realize she was going to die so quickly, which was why she hadn't finished doing her will and changing her life insurance policy. My aunts and uncles won't even talk to him or stick up for us. It's really upsetting to me that nobody will help us kids. His own family ( brothers and sisters, with the exception of one) dont' even like the guy. It's so frustrating. Thanks everyone for your comments. I think I'm going to take time to evaluate my heart once a week to see if I'm changing. Thanks again.

In my parent loss group tonight, we had to draw a picture of what our heart looks like right now, I thought this was a little ironic since I was just in the hospital for heart problems. Anyway, this picture is what I drew @ group. The Anger side, which shows half, has to do with Jerry( my moms husband), not with my grief at all, which saddens me because I do not want him to rent any space in my heart. Lost: My heart feels lost because I'm not sure who I am with out my mother, I feel lost from my friends and family. Bitter: My heart is with Jerry for not honoring my mothers wish's, this is also not part of my grief, he is renting space again in my heart. Hurt: My haeart is heart because Jerry hasn't let us have any of mom's stuff, once again, Jerry renting space. Sad: My heart is sad because my mom is gone and I feel like I have nobody to lean on with the exception of my group and my therapist, I'm sad because all my friends have gone away and our family seems to have broken apart. Invisible: My heart is invisble because I feel invisible. Lonely: My heart is incredibley lonely. I miss my mother, there is a huge void in my heart that will never be full again. Basically, Jerry is getting in the way of my grief for my mother, I will no longer let him rent space in my heart because for one, he doesn't care about us kids or grandkids, so I'm renting that space out to myself, I'm going to try my hardest to get the anger out, that's what is most concerning for me. I can deal with the other stuff, the anger is the one that scares me. I found out today that Jerry dropped off one single box at my Uncle Bob's for us kids and grandkids that had pictures of family in it. He then called my uncle bob and said, that's all the kids are going to get from me. Nice huh? Now you see why my heart feels like it does?[attachmentid=166] My_heart.bmp

I can't sleep, I know it's not that late but it's late for me, I'm usually in bed before 10, last night I didn't get to sleep til 3 and got up at 6. It's been 3 months, will be 13 weeks tomorrow since my mom died and I still can't believe that I am typing she has died. It doesn't seem real, every thing seems like it's going in slow motion, like she's just on a break or something. I called a friend today to ask to come over because I was having a bad day, she was too busy. All my friends have left me, how could they leave during this time of my life? How selfish can they be? I would never desert any one during a time like this. I was in the hospital last weekend with heart problems, too much stress. I tota'ld my vehicle 2 weeks ago while I was moving, it just seems to keep on getting worse, I can't even see any lite at the end of the tunnel. Not sure if I can take another thing going wrong.

Shell, I feel your loss. You have lots of friends here to help you get through this. It's hard but somehow someway we all get through it, that's what "they" say, someetimes I hate "they" but apparently they're right. I'll be thinking of you and your family. Lot's of hugs Dawn

I Elizabeth, I in a way know what you're going through, I lost my cat june 7 mom june 18 and stepmom july 17. I know it's hard, just remember you're not a lone and it's okay to grieve in your own way. We are all here for each other. Post as much as you need to. Lots of hugs Dawn