My sweet beloved sister died in December and since then the most profound depression has overcome me. She was the oldest of 9 of us and my best friend. Im number 4 in the line of siblings. She fought for 2 years with lung cancer and didnt win. My heart is so broken I cannot even imagine the next 30 odd years of my life without her in it. No one seems to understand, except my mother, God love her. My stepfather died three weeks before my sister so my mother carries a heavy heart. Sometimes I can only describe the feeling as being in deep water, so deep I feel overwhelmed and cant stop crying. I miss her so much and wish I would have a dream of her or something. Everyone else in the family has had dreams or felt her yet I still seek that for myself. I hope those of you here understand, Im trying hard to find a place of peace with her death, yet it escapes me. My doctor put me on anti depressants and all it does is allow me the ability to continue to go to work and do my everyday stuff. I find joy with my children and grandchildren yet its mixed with so many tears that will not stop....thanks for listening..
