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walter/Erica

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  1. Its so hard to find something positive when ones in this space, but I think its good to try as we all have blessings , daily in our lives
  2. Yes, its a really tough rd, tougher than any rd i have ever been on before. I am trying so hard not to get stuck on the constant journey from hope to despair and back to hope again. What a vicious cycle it was/ is . It lasted for 3 years. 1 year before he died and on 8 March 2009 it will be two years since his death, and I still feel in the cycle although more hopeless now than ever before I think. I really dont want to feel like this, its not my choice and I am trusting God for a real miracle in my lfe very soon
  3. Hi, Have any of you seen the Movie " Revolutionary Rd'? I would love to hear your views. I found teh movie evocative. Several different themes and would like to hear your views
  4. Hi Derek, remember me, its Erica. I went off radar for a while. Its good and encouraging hearing that you are better. it will be 2 years in March. And it really has been a bad year. I didnt think that the 2nd year would be like this. In many ways it feels even worse than the first year after losing my husband. The other aweful feeling is the feeling of incredible loneliness for a relationship I think. Not sure of the nature of teh relationship, but theres is a desire to have a male friend take me out for dinner, movies etc
  5. I too have fears about my future : Fear of being single and alone, fear of the twists life holds for me on my own , fear that I am always going to feel sad and empty and directionless and hopeless, fear that my relationship with God will be affected more negatively,....its just so hard,but having said all thsi deep down inside I trust God to not only get me thru, but get me thru well
  6. Hi Gail How are you doing today? i aws a bit better at work today. Much more energised than the past weeks and I praise God for this blessing. I am waiting in a spirit of expectancy ( faith I guess) for God to just show me in a real way taht He loves me I jsut so need Gods healing I feel so empty and broken and useless. I miss Walter so much. I also feel a bit envious when othesr speak of how God is blessing them..then I ask myself whats wrong with me Gail? Erica xxx
  7. Hi Annie I read The Shack this weekend and it had quite an impact on me..I identified so with Mack and his anger and blaming God for losing Missy. It will be 2 years in March since I lost my husband and have been blaming God. I have now been challenged to forgive God and stop blaming Him. I also did not ( still do feel a little) feel God does not love me ,as he wouldnt have allowed Walter to die if He did and Because I think He doesnt love me , I cant trust Him with my future..... I love God and am busy praying thru this. My prayer is that God will just show me His love in a tangible way very soon. I am dealing with the aftermath of grief now, the loneliness, the not having anything to look forward to etc...But I would suggest the book for people who are grieving. Love Erica
  8. Hi Linda its 22 months for me since I lost my precious husband and am wanting to know what transcending will look like for me. It feels like this loss has so taken the wind out of my sail and I will never be fully functioning again, even though I am..I have a job, run a home etc. Life just seems so meaningless and purposeless...I am so afraid . I so dont want to be doubting God like this..
  9. I was scared 22 months ago when I lost my husband, now i am really scared,scared that I will always feel likre this and never know joy or happiness ever again. How am i going to manage for another 10/ 20 years. Feels like I am just existing now and Ill never be able to pretend like this for longer. I thgt it would get esaier, I thought Id be a lot better, graciously healed almost completely by God....
  10. Not sure if this is acceptance or just giving up on life / resignation..please help. I just feel like I have NO expectations of God, the new year or the rest of my life for that matter,have any of you ever felt like that . Its nearly 2 years for me since I lost my husband. I hate this feeling of not being sure if I EVER am going to look forward to something good in this life ever again. Its like each and every day is teh same. If something is going to be different, I have to do it, make the day different for myself, and I am just so tired. I so long to be "surprised/blessed" by God. Will that ever happen?
  11. i can really identify with the anger. I still ( 22 months later) get angry at cancer survivors and If i hear that someone has cancer, i think oh they probably wll die too! Maybe later on with more healing I and you too will feel better .
  12. Hi today is the last day of 2008. I recall mostly pain and unhappiness, loneliness and longing. There have been blessings though, the grief is not as hard to bear and I am feeling a bit better in many ways. God has brought me thru. I have no feelings about the new year. If anything I am quite negative and right now cant see that it will be any different from last year. I have nothing to look forward to, and its terrible having to live like this. I need a miracle in my life. However I pray that God will touch each one of you on thsi site in a really special way. Erica x
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