Lyn1

Sarah, I know exactly how you feel! It has been nearly a month since my wife Millie died, and I appreciate hearing from the group; but when I read some of the comments from those who are 18 or 26 months out, I think that I will not make it. Lyn

Gail, Although I have only had a few weekends since I lost Millie to cancer, they do appear to be the hardest. We would do so much together, antique auctions, long walks with Sammy, our Border Collie, and just reading at Borders. All gone, I would give anything to have one more weekend with Millie, Sam and I still walk, but it just isn't the same.

Thank you karenb and dpodesta. I know I am very new with this, it still seems to be getting more difficult with every day. Today is particularly difficult. Last Labor Day Millie and I were in Yellowstone Park, on our way to Seattle to visit our Son, and as part of a 5,100 mile road trip. The cancer was back even then but we did not know it until we returned. It is difficult right now to picture a time when anything is important to me again, I'm just waiting for today to end.

Hi,this is my first try at expressing what I am feeling after the death of my wife of 20 years just two weeks ago, after a two and one half year battle with NHL. Millie was my life, we had a very special love for each other, and I miss her much more than I can ever express. I am 70 years old, she was 62, but anyone who did not know our age mistook us for 50 something. I know now that it was Millie that kept me feeling and acting so young, I feel today that I have aged 20 years. It has only been two weeks, but, so far, every day is a little worse, and those two weeks seem like years, time goes so slow. I wait for the day to be over, only to find I cannot sleep and lie awake, waiting for the night to be over. Will it ever get better?? I am writing this partly because reading other posts about the experience of others, has been one of the greatest helps for me. Maybe it is knowing that I am not the only one going through this. We knew several weeks before Millie's death that the outcome of the last chemo was probably not going to be good, and even had some time to prepare as we watched the cancer develop and make her sicker and sicker. Everything happened much faster than predicted by the medical community. What was suppose to take months, took only weeks, and what was predicted to take weeks, took only days. Millie was enrolled in the Hospice program for only one day, the Hospice nurse made her initial vist on Friday, August 17, and Millie died at 4:00 pm on Saturday, August 18. She had wanted to die at home with family and friends around her, and she did. I miss her so very much, but am torn between wanting the hurting to stop, and not wanting to forget her!