Hi, I am new to this site, however I wish I had searched for it before now. I have sit and read multiple posts and I realize that there are others like me. I lost my mother 11/04 to undiagnosed lung cancer after two weeks in ICU with her family grasping at the hope of her getting better. She was only 65. My siblings have all taken their turns at blaming me for "not helping her", some of which are still not talking to me. Six months later I lost my 11 year old Boxer Max to a sudden stroke and had to make the heartwrenching decision to put him down. He was my best friend. Now my father passed away Sunday, his job found him Monday, but it was too late. My parents were divorced and he lived 1200 miles away, but we stayed in good contact and he even flew for the first time ever last summer just to come see us. He was 67. I tend to keep myself busy to derail the grief, then it came bashing down and I suffered a mini breakdown November last year, needing a psychiatrist and meds. If nothing at all, it gave me the time off work, 5 months, to get my thoughts in order. However, I am still having "bad" days where I do nothing but cry. Now this. I feel suffocated and numb. I feel like nobody understands. I feel like nobody cares. I feel like nothing is real and nothing will ever be the same. I am angry, sad, sorry, confused, sick, tired, worried and scared all at the same time and it is very time and energy consuming. I have totally lost my faith and strength. I just need someone to talk to who's "been there".
