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Thank you very much for the info. I have told her to write dad a letter and tell him she's sorry. I am not sure if she did it or not. I have told her a dozen times what he would say to her if he could. I know my dad and I know he would tell her to not be so foolish the guilt shes holding onto is not warranted. My father was a loving and forgiving man he would not want her to be punishing herself like this. Thanks again

When my father died last year I remember saying I have no regrets. My older sister however is living with guilt and she is the one person who is having the hardest time. She was very close with dad. They lived in different cities and did not see him much. Maybe three times a year in the last 4 years. My younger sister and I lived in the same city as my parents at the time of dads death. SO there may be some resentment there as we saw much more of him. anyway he loaned her some money to buy a car. she told him she would pay him back he told her not to rush as he was in no hurry. About two weeks before he died he hounded her to go do some yard work at his house where she lived. They had a house there as well as here. She was in charge of looking after that house. so she was busy and never got around to it and it came to a point where he would say.. I don't know why she hasn't done it yet.. and then she did not answer her phone as she felt bad for not doing it.. then he died. she did not get here in time. He was gone too fast. So now she cannot get past the fact that she owed him money and avoided him. I know she was his favorite. I have tried to tell her that. She must know it deep down. What can I do to help her get over her guilt. I know if he could speak to her he would say.. its ok don't worry about it anymore..

Thanks so much for that information. I have emailed it to my sisters. I feel different today. Like I have crossed a bridge. All the firsts have passed I think thats why.

Well We have made it to the one year mark! My dad died last year on August 8. For the past year we have been able to say.. last year this time dad was doign this.. or last year this time he was doign that. No more.. we can no longer say that. I am not having that hard of a day. Its rough because reality has been forced on me again. Yeasterday was hard. all day I kept thinking he was here last year .. he was breathing he was actually in this world. When 2:42 hit last night I sobbed.. i knew he was gone for good. As of that time he was no longer breathing and had slipped away. He died so suddenly. He was 55 years old and has a massive heart attack. All the day before he died we spent in the hospital woorried and scared. In the back of our minds thinking he would be fine after all he was made of steel. After he died I kept thinking how could this have happened? How coudl we have been so unprepared. I never thought in a million years he would actually die! But as of today I know its real. It happened and there is no changing this. I miss my dad more than I could possibly explain. If he were gone away somewhere I would not miss him this much. I get this big lump in my throat when I think about him being gone. Even after living a full year dealing with it I am still in shock. I want so bad for time to go backwards and erase the pain in my heart. It has changed me. I am not the same person I was. I am now me - fatherless.

Hi there, I can tell you this much.. I do understand where you are comign from. I bet while your mom was sick they were always around. When my dad died suddenly last August there was so many people that came around.. people I had not seen in years and all his brothers and sisters and then it was over. Everyone went home and moved forward. Its quite possible that they feel you are not moving forward and cannot deal with the pain themselves. I personally feel that talking with them is the way help you as well as them deal with it. Are you more open with your feelings? does it hurt them to be reminded? that might be it. It hurts me to see my mom because it forces reality on me yet again. My fathers favorite saying when someone was down in he dumps or worried was " its ok, Haul up your socks and hold your head up" Which basically means You can do this! You will get through it! As for your friends maybe you should call them up and say Hey I noticed I haven't heard from you in a while and invite them to do something if they turn you down ask again and if they still don't want to then go out and do something without them then let them know what a great time you had. As for your dad, theres not much you can do. He has to grieve in his own way. You can let him know you are there and when hes ready to talk you wil listen that will reassure him and he may just open up. Grief affects us all in different ways. I know one thing the pain is real. I ache for my fathers voice.. and smile. When I think about him being gone It almost burns it hurts so bad. Another thing you should try is to locate a grief couselling group. My sister and I went and boy it certainly helped plus we met a ton of people our own age that had lost a parent and knew how we were feeling. Keep strong Susan

Well you certainly have had a lot to deal with haven't you? You sound to me as if you are a very strong willed person and understand reality. You know you cannot change things and you know what is is what is. I respect that. Death will tear families and friends apart sometimes. A lot of times it takes a death to see the true lining and know who is and who isn't good to have in yoru life. The only advice I can give you is to keep the toxins out of your life. They will destroy you. Your parents loved you and they are what is most important. My father died suddenly and I have no regrets. I cannot change the past and I cannot make him come back. The pain is normal. If you take a deep breath and hold your head high you will survive. Good luck Susan

Thank you Marty for your reply. My parents were married 35 years. They have had ups and downs and I think there may have been an affair on her part a few years ago. I was not living home at the time but my younger sister was. My mom had lost a ton of weight and was quite social. My dad was a truck driver and was gone a lot. I do know that they moved 4 years ago and lived in the same city as me and it was the happiest times of their lives. They married young she was 16 and pregnant so they were kinda thrown together. Its not so much that she has moved on because I did expect her to I was just not prepared for how I would feel. I feel a sense of abandonment. She never asks how I am doing, she never asks how my older sister is doing all shes concerned about is how happy she is and how good this man is to her and on and on and on. She even went as far as to put him on the phone with my younger sister. It may sound even childish but I feel like she has forgotten us. I have a 4 year old she says poppy died and nanny moved away. So we lost our dad and them mom moved back home so it was as if they were both gone. I told my mother a few months back I would support anything she did but I did not want it pushed on me too soon adn thats what it seems like she has done. Shes upset and says we have abandoned her for being happy because we don't call her. I am afraid to call .. it takes me an hour to get over a phone call from her. I don't know.. I think time will play a big factor in this.

My dad died August 08,2003. He was 55. My mom is 50 and look sa bti younger. I know shes a young woman and has lots of life left in her but shes got a boyfriend! I cannot understand how she can do this. I told her to do whatever she wanted as I did nto want to see her lonely but to have some respect for us as we were still mourning our dad. When I talk to her on the phone all she knows how to say is US. WE.. ME.. I and it is driving me crazy/ I get so upset that it takes me an hour to get over a call from her. She doesn't understand why we are so upset. SHe is now living with this guy! My thoughts are if you can physically.. sleep with another man then stop crying over the first one. she will cry when we talk about dad but yet is able to be with this other man.. anyone got any thoughts on this????

You are so Brave. I have to say that first of all. My dad was home from work one day and said he had a chest cold and two days later he was dead. He had had a heart attack and no one knew. That was last August. I cannot put it together as to come up with an answer why. How old was your mother? My dad was 55. I am 32 and all grown up with my own family but it still hurts. He was my dad and I am sure that at one point I called him Daddy and bounced on his knee. What I do is think abotu all the fun times. I have no regrets or guilt. I loved him and I know he loved me. As long as you think of that you will get through it. The shock will wear off. Lots of days now I am still in shock. I will be dusting or something and see his picture and remember that hes gone. Grief is a long path we take. It takes a long time to understand, but once you come to peace with it you will heal.

I am not sure if I can offer any words of advice or just simply an understanding of what you are going through. My father died very suddenly 11 months ago. we are nearing the one year mark and its getting harder to think about it. I too worried that by coming here i was setting myself back. Although i feel good fro coming here. In one month it will be a year and I cried this morning so its quite normal to cry you will probably cry for a while. For a little while I was ble to push it away and live. I could say the words dad's dead.. oh my dad died.. but never felt them. Today I feel them.. I am lost without him. I need him and woudl give anything to wake up from this dream. I too am 32 years old and have my own family but losing my dad is still hard

Thanks for yoru reply Hans. My mothe is lonely and I can't fault ehr for that she is 50 years old and full of life. She is a nice looking woman and misses my dad. I tell her to do what she wants .. she knows I am not ready for that but I am not going to protest it like my oldest sister. They haven't spoke now in 8 weeks over folishness. My oldest sister has a lot of guilt and can't deal with it. She was avoiding my dad in hi slast weeks as he was pestering her to do some stuff for her to the point he was nagging her and she was avoiding him and then he died. I have no regrets I just miss him so much. It consumes me and I can't shake it. My mother only realized 2 months ago that we had lost our father, she was so absorbed in herself and her own grief that she had not realized that we had actually lost him too. I am teh one to put on the happy face and tell them it will get better .. thats just me be brave and hide it. IF they only knew how sad I really am

Hi my name is Susan. I am 31 years old. Last August my dad died suddenly of a heart attack. He was a big strong man and was never sick. A few weeks before he died he missed two days work. When we asked him about it he said he had a chest cold. Then in a snap he was gone. He spent a day in hospital and was told he had prior heart attacks and would need some life changes. We were ready for that. Then through out that night he had another and was gone. Since then I have been the one to be strong and hide my tears. I have an older sister who cannot accept it, a younger sister who is not doing too bad, and a mother who has a boyfriend. My mother is lonely I understand that I cannot accept it just the same. ITs almost a year and it seems like the pain was less a few months ago than it is now. I think its because my mom just got this new boyrfirned and the year is drawing close. Anyway to sum it up. I miss my dad!. In the past week I have dreamt of him calling me twice. the first dream the line went dead and I scream DAD so much I woke up feeling lost. So basically I want to become part of this group and offer any support I can and talk to you all about your losses and mine