clarasmom

Dear Jessie, Thank you for taking the time to write to me. It's been a long time since I was a cat-mom, but I still remember and think of my beautiful stray black cat who died many, many years ago. He was a special kitty with lots of character and personality - aren't they all? It's wonderful news that as a loving and living legacy to your beloved first kitty that you now have a house filled with the furry critters! I'm so sorry that you lost your brother. A horrible, horrible thing. It doesn't matter whether it was expected or not. Families are complicated things, but our sisters and brothers shared a portion of our life in a way that no one else can that brings us close to them even in our differences. I, like you, am no stranger to grief. All of our much-loved and much-hoped-for children died. I have had girlfriends who died from breast cancer and relatives during my life whose time on this earth came to an end. But my Clara was my soulmate....and the pain doesn't get less. I manage it better as day after day goes by, but the hurting does not lessen. She died on the operating table, after six days of excruciating agony with an undiagnosed cause in intensive care at our vet. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't remember with horror those last six days of her agony and I long-until-it-hurts if she could live her life until her time would have come. I don't mourn so much for myself as for her sweet life and how she was robbed of it....if ever there were a dog-saint on earth, she was it. We have taken in two more rescue dogs since her death, and we have three others besides, including Clara's elderly sister. I love each of my doggies for the special beings that they are. Each one is unique and different - I don't have expectations of anyone having to take on the unrealistic job of filling Clara's spot in my heart. My heart has a special spot reserved for Clara all of my days. No one else could or should fill it, it is reserved for all time for her. But my heart expands to build new spots for the new dogs in turn....but it doesn't lessen the pain of having lost Clara for me. Clara was my soulmate. It's wonderful that you took in a stray mama and have two of her babies as well. There is such a wonderful bond between family members, and now you are all one family, also! Thank you, again, for writing! Clara's mom

Thanks, Frannie, for your kind words and taking the time to write to me and sharing from your heart as well. Thank you, too, for being the voice who speaks up for the innocent creatures of God who have no voice of their own to protect themselves. That automatically makes you a superior being, in my book! Got to run and get my dogs walked while still cool - but I wanted to respond first so that you know I appreciate your writing to me! Yours in the love of animals, Clara's mom P.S. - "Picture on testimonials?" Gee, I missed that section. I'll have to hunt around on these websites....I would love to see a photo of your sweet Petey! I never tire of hearing stories about these neat animals who bless us so by spending their lives with us! It is an awesome and wonderful thing to be able to care for them, to love them, to treasure them. I will try to drop by a meeting if I am going through Phoenix on the first Saturday of the month. I go through there relatively often, as we have a house in NV and in Tucson - the problem with Phoenix is that I always have at least one of my doggies with me and nowhere safe (cool enough) to leave them while I go to a meeting....sigh

Thanks, Marty! You know I thought I had done that, but clearly I messed up somehow. Thanks for the direct link!

Does anyone know of any person-to-person counseling or guided support groups in either Tucson or Las Vegas, NV for grieving following the death of a beloved pet? I have asked my vet, and he doesn't know of any. I would appreciate any good recommendations - I need some help for my hurting heart. Thanks! Clara's mom

Dear Rudy's mom, I read your memoriam of your dear Rudy and just wanted to let you know how sorry I am to have lost him so early to death. It makes me so mad that there are breeders who do not bother to test for genetic diseases....and thus cause such unnecessary deaths. Rudy will always be in your heart. Congratulations on the adoption of Brandy! Clara's mom

Dear Janet, I'm so sorry to hear of Jonathan's heart attack. It is the worse possible pain for a parent to lose their child. Eighteen years together, guiding and loving and protecting a child is a long time, and Jonathan is very much in your heart and always will be....and that special place that is his will be his forever in your heart. Wishing you rest and comfort, Clara's mom

Hi, Nili. I'm sorry to hear of your Joey. I don't have a kitty right now, but I know how special they can be. Every now and then I will be somewhere where I can pick up a kitty and cuddle it like a baby - their fur is so soft and silky, and their purring like music to my heart. There is nothing sweeter than having a cat rub against your legs, or a cat to jump up on the bed and snuggle against you at night I love the way that cats can be so silly one moment as though they were a mere kitten, and then the next moment stop dead in their tracks, lick their paw and walk off with total dignity, their tail waving slightly in the air, totally sophisticated as if they would never dream of behaving like a kitten! They are such characters! I love my dogs, but I do miss having a kitty around, too. Do you have other cats, or was Joey your "first and only?" Thanks for writing! Clara's mom

Ally - I stumbled onto this website today for an entirely different reason, but knew I needed some help and "joined" a different group. But I have a heart that is broken and torn apart in so many places that I started reading a different group that also applies to me. I read your most recent post and wanted you know that my heart goes out to you. I do not presume to know your pain except as you share it and I do not live your pain as you are experiencing it, but I know something of my own. All my children have died and I am not able to have any others. The circumstances of the deaths are different, and therefore our experiences of loss are different - but please know that I "hear" your overwhelming emotions in the very fiber of my being and they resonate with my own - and all that you write about are good things to share with others in a safe and thoughtful way....I wish I could help you by being "there" for you. I pray that maybe hearing a little of my story helps you to know that the loss of children is something that I have experienced as unbearable, also. When I read your recent post, I know that I, too, cannot even get up the motivation to do simple housework - that each morning I wake up exhausted from not enough sleep. I know that I go through life but do not live my life any more. I don't know how to get through that, if one ever can. But even though not fair - it is the journey given to us, and we have to travel that path in the best way that we can at the time. It isn't for another to judge how we take the journey - it is ours alone. My loss is not as recent or as raw as yours....but I know that each loss, each grieving is unique and different no matter what. How we experience our grief is not a reflection of how much we loved someone....and how much we mourn for ourselves is not the same with each passing, either. Each death of a loved one: my children, a friend, my beloved dog is different. One is not "worse" than another - perhaps my coping skills or strength were better one time than another. There isn't "one" way, there isn't "one" experience. It all has to do with so many different things - all we can do is try to find our way through a life that makes no sense the best that we can. I think perhaps you and I are at similiar points of despair and anger and hurt and frustration. For myself, I think the time has come to where I need to have not a close friend or family member, but rather someone who is NOT close (and does know about grief) to help me. Maybe we can each try that, and then compare notes with one another as to what works for each of us, this time? I know that family and friends and strangers MAY mean well - but geez. I have heard it all, and maybe you have too. Sometimes, inside myself, I just want to yell at them: don't you have a clue how hurtful/harmful/insensitive what you are saying to me is?!!! But we don't. We go through the motions somehow because we are supposed to, and we keep our agony safe where the clueless people can't hurt us even more in our vulnerabilty. Or, we explode or go crazy....Maybe you too feel the intensity never lessens? If so, maybe you, too, feel a little like I do - that it is time to have the safeness and anonyminity of a caring, but trained, professional to guide us through the next steps? Don't give up at this point - but maybe it is time to reach out. It does no honor to our children or loved ones to toss our lives away, also. We honor them by sharing love with others as we are able, and by accepting love when we need it. It's all we can do - just put one foot in front of another, even on the darkest days and the most despairing nights. I wish you rest and relief at this time that you most need it. Yours in loss, Clara's mom

Dear Marty, Actually I accidentally found this website. I don't really know too much about the internet. I exchange emails with some friends and a family member or two and I know a few commercial websites that carry items that I can't find locally, but that's about it. A lady from whom I buy some smocking supplies and have shared a little of our lives with (via email) has been sharing with me the worry and exhaustion she has experienced due to the sudden acute illness of her cat last week - and today when she took him in to the vet for a follow-up after a long weekend of nursing, his bloodwork came back as showing no hope - and she made the difficult decision to have to let him go, to have his suffering end. My heart cries with the loss of each precious animal - and for her beloved homeless kitty who came to live with her last fall, although I never knew him. So I wrote to her with words from my heart, but I do not have the gift of eloquence. I was searching for words that might express (better than I) some comfort at her loss and for her family. Because I have a book by Fr. Edward Hayes with a prayer in it called "Prayer at the Death of a Pet" - and I am in the process of packing to move and couldn't find the prayer to offer her - I thought I might try to find the words of that prayer on the internet. This website came up when I searched for the title on google, although I did not find the prayer here. You actually had a poem or writing that was closer to what I wanted to share from my heart anyways - and so I sent that to her (with all the proper credits - at least I hope so - instead of the prayer I had first searched for)! But I have known for a long time that I myself need help with my grieving - that my pain is not diminishing and that the barrenness I feel becomes ever greater. And so I thought I would also ask for help, as you seem to be associated with a hospice and I thought that this would be a safe place to do so.. So - that's how I landed here. Is this a private website rather than a public one? I didn't mean to intrude. I just know I need some help. I don't know how to find it. At the six month anniversary of my Clara's death I went to Kinko's to have a T-shirt made with her photo on it, and asked my vet if I could come after clinic hours to where she had died on the operating table. While I was at the photocopying store preparing the photo for printing, the man next to me asked me something about Clara's photo - and I started crying. It turned out that he was a minister, and he thought I need "help" because I was still so effected by her death "after all this time." While I thought he had good intentions, inside I thought he was crazy - that I have a right to miss her and to hold her close to my heart all my days.....but at the same time, I know that I do need relief inside myself, also. This is rather long-winded and meandering, I'm afraid. That is a problem of mine: I have difficulty being succinct and I am boring and rambling. I'm sorry - I'm just really hurting. I don't know what to do. I don't know how not to hurt all the time. Yours, Clara's mom

My heart goes out to you. I lost my beloved Clara - and while the pain is not as new and raw as yours, my sorrow feels unbearable also. I loved Clara more than life itself, and living without her, knowing how she suffered and died far before her time -- I don't know how one can "get over it." I don't WANT to get over her. I want to remember her every single day, have her real and present in my life and memory. I wish I had words to ease your pain, but I don't know of any words that can help. I wish I did. All I can offer is that we have in common that we both love someone very deeply who is no longer here....and that our hearts are both breaking. Would you like to share some of Tucker's life story with me? Was Tucker a dog? I love all the little critters who so give of themselves and Tucker's bright light here on this earth still continues to shine forth in your obvious love for him. His body may not have been able to continue, but the love you shared with him lives in your heart. Wishing you peace, Clara's mom

I'm at the point where I think I need help - someone to talk to, someone who knows the pain firsthand. I know something of grief and its processes, but knowledge doesn't stop my tears from flowing every day or the pain that causes them. My sorrow just will not go away and I need some relief. I am forcing myself to go through life, but I am not living it. Are there any real-life people who can help me? I feel so all alone....I AM so alone. The emptiness inside is unbearable. Thanks for reading this. Clara's mom