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cherios

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Everything posted by cherios

  1. As someone who has lived without her father for 6 years now, I can tell you that the rollar coaster of grief never really goes away. The twists and turns will always be there, and they will always be a surprise, but they do level off somewhat, as you get used to the sensation. In the beginning, I found the knowledge that the pain would ease with time more painful than anything. I was so scared that I would forget my father, as I was only 14 when he died. I'm happy to report that time has not faded my memories, though they certainly should of since I can rarely remember where I left my wallet, let alone events that happened years ago. Crying helped me more than anything. I couldn't cry for the longest time, it wasn't until I started back to school the September that my dad died that things really hit me. (He died in July). I had about a week, where I just cried and cried. But after that week, I came out partially healed. Understand, that you will never really be healed. There will always be a scar, but it'll stop aching so after a time. Five months isn't a long time, but it can also be an eternity. Please don't try to compare your grief to anyone else. It's a process unique to each individual. That said, I found it helpful to read a book on grief. There really are stages, and I found it freeing to read about them. But don't pay attention to any book that gives you a time frame for grief. Take it as you need it.
  2. Hi there. Firstly, I'm so terribly sad for your loss. I know it's been awhile now since your first post, and time is beginning to heal the sharp tang of the original hurt. Still, I hope you'll get this message. I am 20 years old. My father passed away from Cancer on July 6, 1998. I was 14. I stumbled upon this forum recently because I just looked at the date and realized that the anniversary of the 6th year without my father had come and passed without my noticing. I'm not going to lie to you, you're going to feel this pain for the rest of your life. Though time has healed some wounds, there still exhists a pit of pain in my heart that was never there before my fathers death, but will never be absent again. The hardest moment for me was when I sat on the stage during my high school graduation. I recalled sitting there years before on the same stage during my junior high graduation, when my father was sitting in the audience. I imagine my wedding will be painful as well, but I consider that moment when I accepted my diploma to be the pinacle of my grief. I think you too will have a moment when you come to accept the situation. You may of already had it, it may be years into the future, but you will remember it always. My father was a wonderful man, an immigrant who strove to make his life and his families as happy as possible. I have his eyes, and I always imagine that I continue to look at the world through the 'looking glass' of my father. The greatest gift that you can give to your own father is to take what he taught you, and what you learned from his example and apply it to your own life. The greatest compliment I can ever be given is when people tell me I remind them of my father. It helped me to read other peoples experiences while I was in the early stages of grief. If you feel like talking, I hope you'll e-mail me. There's something to be said about sharing your experiences with strangers, it can sometimes be more freeing than when you speak with someone you know well.
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