My mother died on October 25th of last year. She had been battling a rare lung cancer for over four years. At the time, I was 8 months pregnant with my second child. These last 9 months have been the saddest and hardest of my life, but I have somehow been able to keep moving forward in my life. I recently started back to work part-time in a new job. I was amazed at how difficult that ended up being. I was so lonely and often ended up in tears at the end of the day. It was as if starting the new job made my mother's absence so obvious and painful. I guess in the past I would have called her up for some encouragement or understanding. My husband was very supportive, but it's not the same. I thought her long illness had prepared me and that I was doing so well coping lately. But lately it just feels like something is missing from my life. I'm not all out depressed. I don't cry all day. I still enjoy lots of my life. But sometimes I'm just so sad and there is nothing I can do to make it feel better. And there is this feeling like something is missing. Fall was always my favorite season. The other day it was raining and cool when I woke up...it felt like fall was here. Normally I would love a morning like that, but this time the feelings of last fall when Mom died just poured over me. It just took me right back to those hopeless and terrifying days. Now I am really dreading fall when it comes for real. I'm not sure how I will deal with it. Is the one year anniversary of a death typically a very hard time? Is that a stupid question? I always thought this would get easier. I know mourning is a very individual thing and I'm very sorry to be rambling. Are these feelings normal? Thanks for listening. Lisa
